If there’s one thing I regret in the making of TMFRs and my own recovery effort…

It’s the self-scrutinizing approach which eventually eclipsed the original recovery measure that enabled any of this project and progress:

Self-compassion.

Don’t get me wrong. all the research and re-education has been instrumental in recovery.

But information cannot replace the necessity for self-care and kindness.

In fact, becoming too “trauma-intellectual” can become a self-abuse trap.

Education -> Understanding ->
“Let’s walk to motherfucking walk of recovery.”
“We’re over that now, let’s move forward.”
“Yes, there’s been pain, but it can be explained away.”
“Don’t be a fucking victim.”

And pretty soon, you’re running your brain like it’s an employee. Managing yourself. Self-monitoring, repressing hard feelings, focusing on doing rather than feeling.

… Pretty soon… you’re treating yourself in line with your original trauma.

Not recovering. But moving backwards.

Or at least, this is what happened to me.

And it completely stalled out my progress.

In trauma recovery:
Knowledge is great. Self-identification, caring, and kindness is crucial.

For all these reasons, we’re taking a focus on self-compassion for the foreseeble posts.

And starting an end of summer challenge of self-kindness above all!

In the name of the effort, I found this library of pointers that seemed very worth the share.

How to Practice Self-Compassion: 8 Techniques and Tips

As far as a “flowery topic” goes – I think they did a solid job providing real information and pointers. Calm that cynical inner critic and check it out.

Effort: self-Compassion 2024

In my most recent video/pod post and new Patreon collection, I drop a few self-compassion for CPTSD recovery tips of my own, aimed at reframing your thoughts to allow self-kindness to slip through.

Check these out:

Focus on “less than ideal” context and circumstance

Circumstances weren’t ideal for your thriving then.
They probably haven’t been in “mid life.”
And I’m willing to bet they aren’t right now.
Can you see similiarity in the ways you’ve persevered despite the world around you? Can you feel a little softe=ness for yourself?

Use empathetic projection

Sometimes we “can’t let ourselves feel for ourselves.” AKA – when the depression, loneliness, sadness is too great to function.
But sometimes… we can project those feelings onto someone else.
And then, we can turn that projection back around to understand what emotions we’re secretly hiding from ourselves.
Use an external target to feel, then recognize your own right to have those emotions, and respect them.

Humanize yourself (realistically)

What can we really expect from humans?
Messiness.
Emotionality.
Neediness.
Social requirements.
Imperfection.
And the same goes for you. You are a human. Can you feel for yourself in the context of this near-impossible challenge of being a person?

Dehumanize yourself

But let’s be honest…
“humans” don’t necessarily have a positive reputation for a lot of us.
Sometimes it helps to, instead, focus on being nothing but an animal.
What can we expect from animals?
That they do the best they can, with their limited capacities and lifetimes, on this boiling planet that’s constantly changing at the hands of supervillains.
Sounds really =scary and difficult.
Guess what? You are an animal.
This is all you can expect of yourself, too.
And, some kindness, for all your continual efforts.

Universalize

When humanizing and dehumanizing don’t work… Universalize.
Hey, we’re all just meat bodies and salty neural conduits shooting through incomprehensible space, all the while.
Tiny, frightened, overwhelmed, beings… in a limitless time-space-dimension, bumping into invisible matter and trying to “figure it out” somehow.
Which… is a pretty compassionate position to be in, right?
In a way, individual problems are “too small to matter.”
And in another way “they’re all that can matter, everything else it so far outside our paygrade.”
Can you feel for yourself, as a tiny ant immersed in its own very real problems, swirling through otherwise unknown layers of reality, and trying to “be good” in the midst of it?

self-compassion practice

Try reframing your thoughts and see if you can negotiate an extra centimeter of self-grace today.

Trust that it’s a necessary part of rewiring your trauma-brain, not a “nice idea” or “some pussyass flowy shit.”

From one MF to another.

Self-kindness, care, and identification is a completely foreign and off-limits idea, to many of us. And that’s exactly why we need to prioritize it for cognitive reprogramming and life rebuilding after CPTSD.

Will you face the brave challenge of being kinder to yourself?