So, I found my astrology spirit animal this past week. Henceforth, go ahead and call me Chiron, the wounded healer. Or just Jess. Or stick with “Motherfucker.”

If you think I’m dumb for talking about astrology, Jess from 2 years ago would thoroughly agree.

If you think I’m dumb for talking about astrology, Jess from 2 years ago would thoroughly agree.

About two years ago I got into astrology. It came out of nowhere after a lifetime of thinking that was utter bullshit and rudely telling everyone so. But the more I looked into it (and started utilizing natal charts, rather than magazine readings), the more freaked out I became. This shit was UNCANNY. The timing was even weirder.

Uh, nasty words about astrology redacted. I was wrong. Sorry everyone.

One of the bodies in astrology that always interested me was this weird “Chiron” thing that came up in my most detailed horoscopes (check TimePassages). It seemed to be linked to deep lying traumas and childhood shortcomings… and you motherfucking KNOW I was tuning in for those readings when they popped up. But what’s this “OK” symbol and how does it work?

So, for a year or two, I’ve meant to look into it and find out. One of those tasks that “I’ll get to later.” Well, fuck it. About five days ago I decided it was time to pull the trigger. Chiron was calling my name for some reason.

Wouldn’t you know… When I googled that shit, it just so happened to pull up articles about Chiron Retrograde starting that very day; July 11th.

Why the fuck wouldn’t the timing be snappable? That’s how everything works in my life. Listening, universe. It’s weird and you’ve made it obvious. You have my attention.

I began a long tumble into all things Chiron. What the fuck IS that? Where did it come from? How does it fit into astrology? And what’s up with these childhood scars – I mean, which ones are we talking about, exactly?

What’s this Ch-thing in mythology and astrology?

What is Chiron?

Like I stated earlier, it’s some sort of dwarf planet, comet, asteroid combination. AKA – I don’t think we fucking know. It’s in the same boat as Pluto, but more complicated.

Furthermore, it has an irregular orbit that’s a bit unpredictable as it cycles between asteroid belts near Uranus and Saturn.

Hey, that already sounds like complex trauma, to me. Difficult to name, pinpoint, and predict? Lawl. Nailed it.

What’s it derived from?

Greek mythology. Chiron is the immortal centaur, son of Kronos and Nephila. His first tragedy is watching his mother get turned into a tree, leaving him entirely alone for no blame of his own.

When he grows up, Chiron is the wisest god, a healer for all, and the teacher of Hercules… you know, until he gets unfairly wounded in a battle that, again, wasn’t his own. Although he’s a skilled healer for others, he finds that he’s unable to heal himself. He begs for mercy and is granted mortality to finally end the suffering.

Not crying.

So, what happens during this Chiron Retrograde?

Uhh… all of your deepest unhealed wounds come to light. The things that have carried over from childhood and maybe a few past lives. The unhealing wounds that aren’t your fault. This, of course, isn’t an easy ride.

Chiron Retrograde is known for causing intense emotional times and rocky roads as your buried hurt gets all stirred up. Womp womp. No one around here needs any help with that. We know there are bear traps in our pasts.

BUT Chiron Retrograde also serves as an opportunity to notice the nature of your inner turmoil and finally bandage that lifelong injury. Okay, okay! So, we can start to process and integrate these early pains in the hopes of permanent healing? Fuck yes.

I probably don’t need to point out… this sounds like we’re talking about healing Complex Trauma.

Getting deeper into Chiron

You know, astrology gets more specific the more digging you do. So, motherfuckers, I dig.

Like all the other planetary bodies in astrology, it matters where Chiron was located at your time of birth. This is your “sign” in Chiron.

Me? Oh, I’m Cancer in Chiron.

What’s that mean? My wounds are related to my childhood home, family, and sense of security. I have issues with at least one of my parents – possibly an early departure in my life. I never feel at home or loved. I continually seek out validation that I’m cared for. Plus, I’m inherently kind and accepting of others, but don’t feel the same way about myself. Nothing I do is ever enough; I’m never worthy.

Tell me that doesn’t sound spot on. All of it describes me to a tee.

And during this particular day, right as Chiron went Retrograde… what was going on?

Well, fuck, I started researching Chiron because I was forcing myself to take a break from working. The reasons: 1) I was feeling unworthy and way too workaholistic and 2) my “best people” were causing a lot of mental distress while I deduced that they didn’t love me. I needed a break from my endless pursuit of proving my own value and from spinning my emotional wheels at the expense of someone else.

In short: this new astrology learning was DEAD ON. For that day, in particular, and for my whole life with unhealed C-PTSD.

Too. Fucking. Weird.

One more thing – read someone else’s writing

Okay, I’ll get out of this conversation. It’s beating a dead horse that you need to examine the equine for yourself, if you have any interest. Also, I’m still “on hiatus.” Laughable.

Lastly, I’m just going to share part of an article on Chiron that I found on an astrology site. This is from astrologerpsychologer.com.

Just read the bolded parts and try to tell me this isn’t a Complex Trauma Astrology writeup. Go ahead. Try not to be touched.

“In this sense, Chiron embodies what Reinhart identifies as the quintessential Anti-Hero in that “Chiron’s process starts where the Heroic leaves off” (5). In other words, what we encounter in early life—events or circumstances that happened to us over which we had no control—simply cannot be erased from existence—especially not through any Heroic or superhuman feat, which sometimes only causes further harm, even if this is not the intention.

When Healer Chiron was hit suddenly by Hercules’ poisoned arrow, his first instinct was to retreat, hiding from everything outside while he tried futile after futile attempt to fix himself.

Such conditions require us to cope with symptom cycles through stress management, alternative methods and self-care practices—healing techniques we often don’t discover when we’re busy hiding ourselves from being seen.

It makes sense that our minds would find a way to compartmentalize, deny or “forget” our emotional and even physical burdens. But whether through events, circumstances or intimate relationships, it’s when personal memories of our own sorrowful moments are made salient, or are brought to our attention in some way, that we’re faced with our ability (or inability) to acknowledge and cope with them.

This is why Chiron is the preeminent Anti-Hero: because his struggle is about learning how to live with distress (distress not only from the injury itself but the defeat that comes with the sudden impotence of his healing powers) without being able to eliminate it.

The irony of Chiron’s tale is that immortality for him is not a heroic state but a curse that binds him to eternal anguish. Yet to learn to cope with a problem that does not have a linear, prescribed solution is in many respects the most Heroic feat of all.

Chiron’s cycle of repetition rewards us when we learn to integrate our painful experiences as part of our identities. But as long as we view these as imperfections that need to be removed, we’ll continue to see them as flaws in others as well as ourselves, impacting our capacity for relationship and mutual understanding.

The Chironian cycle of repeated confrontations with our weak spots gives us trouble when it becomes a futile cycle wherein we find ourselves continually attempting to rid ourselves of them via apparent cures or quick fixes.”

Source: https://www.astrologerpsychologer.com/astrological-terms/chiron-explained

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Alright, that’s it ya’ll. Just throwing out some neato astrology-trauma crossover.

If you don’t believe, I don’t blame you.

But if you feel like starting to give your life a little extra meaning and direction… maybe just download some of the approachable apps and see what they say.

My faves?

• The Pattern
• Costar
• TimePassages

Sign up, connect with me as a friend if you want. Maybe you’ll learn more about your personal connection with Chiron. Maybe you’ll decide it’s still all horseshit.

Worth running an experiment. Who knows what you’ll find.