You know what I’m shouting about these days? This new Discord community that we’re running. It’s providing more community and naturally-flowing connection than I ever expected! I’m struggling to keep up with the convos… and shit, it’s only been like 2 weeks.
People seem a lot more comfortable and ready to share when they’re in the safety of the private group. It’s already been the impetus of healing for several of us to hear about stories similar to our own, or to get through dark days with some support. Plus, the hobbies tabs have been awesome; learning what makes everyone tick is really connective.
Proof! We are not alone in this traumatized way of life, even when it feels so singular.
Recently, our girl Izzy jumped right into the Discord community and started blowing everyone away with her openness about her past and present.
She’s been showing up in all the threads and getting honest with her past struggles, her current outlook, as well as her love of dark memes – we got another real MF over here.
Plus, she was kind enough to give me permission to share her Origins story to the general blog. I’m so grateful to have another uplifting trauma tale… one that honestly is helping me with my past, too.
Here’s Izzy’s tale of growing up, gaining control through eating (or not), and learning to take care of herself after autoimmune dysfunction stopped her in her tracks.
My story is somewhat similar to Jess’. My parents had their own trauma/issues that created a volatile home environment. They constantly argued and got violent with each other and with my siblings. My father was an alcoholic, and unknown to me until I was 22. Both my parents used cocaine recreationally.
I was the youngest so I tried to be the perfect child due to fear of confrontations/spankings.
Living in fear and stress made me into a timid, anxious and silent child. So consequently, I had a hard time making friends in school and was bullied. This made me insecure and hate everything about myself.
Living in fear and stress made me into a timid, anxious and silent child. So consequently, I had a hard time making friends in school and was bullied. This made me insecure and hate everything about myself.
I wanted to look the opposite of who I was – tall, thin and beautiful. Barbie dolls and celebrities became my earliest preoccupations, needless to say I would develop an eating disorder by the time I was 13.
The eating disorder consumed me throughout my teens however my parents would push me to eat and reprimanded me if I didn’t. At 18, I went away to college and finally felt at ease.
That feeling was short lived because my eating disorder was at its worst.
I probably would have died if one of my professors didn’t report me to the dean of students. The fear of dropping out and moving back home was my motivation to maintain a middling recovery.
I probably would have died if one of my professors didn’t report me to the dean of students. The fear of dropping out and moving back home was my motivation to maintain a middling recovery.
I would gain a few pounds and go to outpatient treatment but then I would lose a few pounds back. I finished college but kept my eating disorder until I was 24, and diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that flipped my life upside down.
I could no longer continue my unhealthy behaviors because my body was fighting back with intense panic attacks, fatigue, dizziness and blood sugar drops.
I am still attracted to the distortion of anorexia, it provides a false sense of strength and control. I miss it, and I long for it at times.
On good days, I am happy I have moved on and can go day to day without it. On bad days, I try to go back but find it almost impossible and unreasonable to go down that path again.
On good days, I am happy I have moved on and can go day to day without it. On bad days, I try to go back but find it almost impossible and unreasonable to go down that path again.
My body and actions have swayed away from it, but it still ties me down. It still grasps a piece of my mind. It’s hold is there making it impossible for me to recover.
I am currently 27, weight restored and feel more alive than I have in a long time. Although I still struggle, I am happy I have made it out of the darkest periods of my life.
-Izzy, 27, Los Angeles
Oof, I feel that one through the darkness and the light.
Thank you, Izzy, for putting your story out there and helping us to connect. One brave MF. Hats off, and can’t wait to continue watching this journey unfold.
If you’re interested in connecting with Izzy, our community, or submitting your story, gimme a holler anytime @ traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com
See you on the meme machine. Hail yourselves!
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