This is my master post in the Exercise for Trauma Recovery Series.
To check out the full string of posts, click away here:
OVER-exercising for appearance? You’re sprinting towards a trauma response
Restrictive eating and your trauma brain
MASTER POST: The key to complex trauma management: Exercising for mental wellness
The difference between exercising for appearance vs mental wellness
How to overcome stagnancy and start your practice
The difference between exercising for appearance vs mental wellness
How to make yourself DO IT
Guest Blogger Danny Urbana -“Get up and get down and get outside“
I couldn’t speak more highly about the necessity of getting up off your ass and exercising alone in nature to manage your mental illness. I have ZERO doubts about the benefits I feel immediately and long-term when I’m following my near-daily hiking rituals. I know, without fail, that I’ll feel better, lighter, clearer, and more put together all day long if I make the effort to get outside and get busy.
And, even I fall off the tracks…
Repeatedly.
To this day, I still get jaded, distracted, and lazy. I can easily drift away from my outdoor exercise practice when life is going too good or too poorly. “Not today, maybe tomorrow, I just have to do this thing first, I wouldn’t want to overdo it, lies, lies, lies…” Next thing I know, it’s been 2 months since I’ve taken a real hike and I’ve royally fucked up my own head.
Every time I stray from my practice, I pay the consequences. Anxiety, depression, and general tension skyrocket. I get visibly unhealthy. My physiological stress responses can become crippling. My relationships suffer.
Every time I stray from my practice, I pay the consequences. Anxiety, depression, and general tension skyrocket. I get visibly unhealthy. My physiological stress responses can become crippling. My relationships suffer.
And every time I come back to it, I have this long conversation with myself – akin to the one you you’ve been reading all month, reminding myself of the myriad ways my life is better when I just fucking do what I know I should do.
From my low point, it takes a few days of considerable walking meditation, but soon my emotions will unravel. My life will feel much lighter after every practice. It becomes a long-lasting, steady energy that fills my days. I find more patience, acceptance, and insight with every trip to my woodsy stomping ground.
Within a few weeks, I can’t imagine another way of living. My creative endeavors explode. My writing is directed. My life is cleaner and freer of unconscious influences. My relationships flourish. I feel better about where I’ve been and where I’m going. I’m grateful for all the parts of my life. I sense – what the fuck is that – optimism?
Within a few weeks, I can’t imagine another way of living. My creative endeavors explode. My writing is directed. My life is cleaner and freer of unconscious influences. My relationships flourish. I feel better about where I’ve been and where I’m going. I’m grateful for all the parts of my life. I sense – what the fuck is that – optimism?
And I know that I’m in control of myself again.
The theme of this entry is using exercise to improve your life, not just your butt. And why you HAVE TO EXERCISE for mental health and trauma management. Even when you have really great excuses not to.
Unmanaged trauma brain is a tension magnet
Do you ever wake up feeling immediately upset, angry, or anxious? Maybe the feelings aren’t obvious… but something is wrong. It’s lingering under the surface.
You’re tense. You’re having angry conversations in your head. You’re already hating the day and you haven’t even started yet. You’re weirdly exhausted and fed up with everything. Your brain feels distracted and scattered all day long. Your anxiety steadily increases as the hours pass. You’re generally operating with the understanding that you “aren’t all there.” Staring at walls seems fun.
You need to exercise in the morning. And you should make it the most removed-from-everything, nature-y cardio you can muster. And find at least an hour in your day to do it. Sometimes two would be better.
Does that sound like a lot to accomplish?
Yep… but on my trauma recover journey, there’s been no two ways around it. If I want to be well, I’d better be out hiking on a regular basis.
Here’s why.
My brain is always hanging onto things. I don’t just move through life with events and emotions flowing through like water – instead, they get lodged like tar inside my brain and body. My tensions get stored away for a later day, where they collect more garbage like dangerous dust bunnies. Soon, I’m carrying the mental weight of 2 months of bullshit and wondering why my brain feels like a disorganized place.
My brain is always hanging onto things. I don’t just move through life with events and emotions flowing through like water – instead, they get lodged like tar inside my brain and body. My tensions get stored away for a later day, where they collect more garbage like dangerous dust bunnies. Soon, I’m carrying the mental weight of 2 months of bullshit and wondering why my brain feels like a disorganized place.
I’m willing to bet your trauma brain is doing it, too.
If I have a shitty day, a negative interaction, or a lingering reason to beat myself up from 10 years ago, it’s still stuck in my head somewhere. When I try to operate my computing system without clearing out the erroneous data and hidden bugs… you know, it just isn’t going to work for me long term.
Maybe I can hobble along for a few hours each day, pushing out work and distracting myself with assorted tasks, but eventually this iOS will end up crashing when it’s overloaded by new information trying to integrate.
And, this is exactly what happens when I skip my morning exercise-and-chill routine and leap right into working.
My morning might feel amazingly productive as I tune out the world outside my laptop, but around 12-2pm, I’m going to be a wreck. Tension will creep up. I’ll feel distracted and restless. My teeth will start to hurt. I won’t feel motivated to keep moving in any particular direction. And, after a few hours of unsuccessfully reining it in, I’ll be forced to confront the issue on the top of the pile… at that point, that won’t even provide much relief. Day is over. Try again tomorrow.
The only thing that puts my cranial PC into developer mode, so I can actually dig around to figure out where my wires are crossing or my coding is flawed before starting my day, is solo exercise. And a lot of it.
The only thing that puts my cranial PC into developer mode, so I can actually dig around to figure out where my wires are crossing or my coding is flawed before starting my day, is solo exercise. And a lot of it.
Exercising for mental health: What solo outdoor exercise does for your traumatized think-box
For me, morning hiking is my meditation, my therapy, and my physical outlet all in one. Nothing on this planet is more effective when it comes to uncovering hidden tensions, traumas, and ideas. I didn’t make significant progress with my mental health or trauma recovery journey until I moved next to a state park.
And if I’m following my own advice and hiking on a regular basis, I’m a different person, inside and out.
Solo outdoor time isn’t just a way to distract yourself while you listen to podcasts; it works wonders for self-discovery and thought management.
Solo outdoor time isn’t just a way to distract yourself while you listen to podcasts; it works wonders for self-discovery and thought management.
When I’m out stomping around in the woods, I’m present, but almost in a meditative ether where my thoughts fluidly rise to the surface and everything feels so clear. Unlike the days when I sit in my room, stubbornly ruminating over the “sticky feeling” inside of me, I don’t have to search for whatever is causing my tumultuous mental state if I’m out hiking around – it’ll pop right up whether I’m ready or not. I let my mind turn it over while skipping across stones and roots, and whenever my brain is satisfied with my newfound insights, it moves right on to the next secret problem.
I believe this hiking hack works so well because it allows your brain to slip into a place that’s both present and detached in the moment. It refocuses your attention to your bodily experiences, the sights/sounds/smells around you, and the sensations of movement.
I believe this hiking hack works so well because it allows your brain to slip into a place that’s both present and detached in the moment. It refocuses your attention to your bodily experiences, the sights/sounds/smells around you, and the sensations of movement.
For anyone with a stubborn trauma brain, you know that all three of these are easy to ignore or forget altogether in a consistent trauma state.
As skilled dissociators, we easily shut off the cues from our bodies. We’re often stiff, suffering from some ailment, and full of inflammation.
As obsessive thinkers, we regularly forget to pay attention to our environments because there are so many busy thoughts and emotions zooming around inside of us.
As Fight/Flight/Freeze responders, we often get “stuck” in inaction. Frozen. We get stalled out by decision making. We’re often unable to move forward and trapped in past thinking.
Getting outside and moving your feet inherently tackles all of these issues. Try to stay in your own head when you’re navigating difficult terrain and coming across adorable woodland critters – I dare you. You will start to inhabit your body. You will notice, appreciate, and interact with your surroundings. And you will unlock new mental pathways when your feet are pounding the path.
With all these new areas of your brain activated, hiking becomes a bit like self-guided therapy or meditation. Just giving your body and brain the conditions needed to quiet down and bring your obstructed thoughts to the surface so you can finally acknowledge, process, and move on.
With all these new areas of your brain activated, hiking becomes a bit like self-guided therapy or meditation. Just giving your body and brain the conditions needed to quiet down and bring your obstructed thoughts to the surface so you can finally acknowledge, process, and move on.
If you skip this trauma exercise regime for weeks, months, or years… I bet you have a lot of once-compartmentalized tension slowly creeping its way into your psyche.
It’s probably hard to focus. It’s impossible to direct your thoughts to the intended targets. You “get stuck” in your emotions on a regular basis. You struggle with indecision and stagnation. At that point, you aren’t in control of your life; your mental illness is.
This is why I declare… you must exercise for mental health.
And go do it OUTSIDE.
Why nature matters in your fight for mental health
Okay, so you know why to go exercise. Now, make sure you’re doing it outside, with the maximum number of trees, birds, and mossy patches around according to your circumstances.
I can’t stress this highly enough. It makes a huge difference where you move and meditate.
First of all, the case against staying inside. Working out indoors is horrible. It’s unnatural, it’s ineffective most of the time, and it’s 100% easier to get off-track less than 2 minutes in.
First of all, the case against staying inside. Working out indoors is horrible. It’s unnatural, it’s ineffective most of the time, and it’s 100% easier to get off-track less than 2 minutes in.
Gyms are awful. They cause anxiety, judgement, and frustration. You have to brave traffic and parking to get there. The fluorescent lighting makes everyone look awful. There are meatheads grunting in the corner and weirdos circling you on the stationary bike. You’re going to be self-conscious of your appearance, breathing, and performance. If you’re reading this article in the first place, I don’t recommend you get a new membership to guilt yourself over its under-utilization later. And right now, gyms aren’t a safe option anyways!
Fuck em. Don’t do it.
I also personally don’t get good results from being in my home, surrounded by distractions, while I try to follow a yoga video or self-guided workout. These are purely supplementary in my world because I’m not “into” any floor workout enough to keep off my phone and computer for exceptionally long. Even with the best intentions, I’m going to cheat and give up before I gain any significant benefits. Tone up this way, sure. Trying to crunch your way to any real fitness probably isn’t going to work. But you do you.
Finally, these indoor exercise methods negate the positive brain boosting effects I just spoke about. You aren’t forced into your body, you aren’t in an environment that encourages peaceful presence, and you aren’t physically going anywhere to shake off that Freeze state.
On the other hand, when you get outdoors, immersed in natural surroundings, your body will relax in a different way than you’ve experienced in years, probably. You can calm down, enjoy the sensations of the workout, and make it a positive experience outside of regular life.
On the other hand, when you get outdoors, immersed in natural surroundings, your body will relax in a different way than you’ve experienced in years, probably. You can calm down, enjoy the sensations of the workout, and make it a positive experience outside of regular life.
Listen to the birds, smell the dirt, and touch the leaves as you move – tell me you don’t feel at peace and calm (relatively speaking). I dare you not to feel younger, freer, and lighter. Your mind will settle and unwind. You’ll feel refreshed, disconnected from the stress of normal existence, and eventually full of amazing ideas.
The other important aspect of getting out into nature is being removed from mankind. When no one is around to “judge” you, you’ll feel different.
The other important aspect of getting out into nature is being removed from mankind. When no one is around to “judge” you, you’ll feel different.
You could be inspired to play with your footing and stride. You might tiptoe over rocks or jump on top of fallen logs. You’ll notice the textures under your feet and the sound of your steps. You can check into your body and assume different postures without wondering how weird you look. Notice your muscles moving in distinct ways. Maximize what feels best for the bod.
It’s an immersive experience that you need to give yourself. Make exercise about feeling good.
And, one more time, I command that you find a real nature preserve or somewhere similar to do it.
Now, I’m firmly of the opinion that walking in a public sports park, strolling down a residential sidewalk, or taking a trip to the local coffee shop along a busy road is better than nothin…
but it really doesn’t do the same thing for relieving your physical or mental stress, getting into your bod, or unwinding the tension from being alive.
For me, the reasons to go FULL-nature instead of NEIGHBORHOOD-nature are two-fold.
1) you aren’t removed from “daily life.”
All the usual reminders of our artificial, captive lifestyles are right in your face. Dodging cars, trying to ignore noise pollution ruining your podcast, stopping at every crosswalk, and looking in all directions at the bustling scene around you isn’t going to help a clusterfuck mindset.
Unless you’re some sort of maven at tuning out urban sprawl, it’s going to whip up your anxiety, remind you of the shitty job you have, and leave you more frazzled than before.
Unless you’re some sort of maven at tuning out urban sprawl, it’s going to whip up your anxiety, remind you of the shitty job you have, and leave you more frazzled than before.
If you can get away from all the effects of modern society, please do it for yourself. Find a nature preserve within 30 minutes of your home and commit to the drive. See how you feel after one week of practice. I bet it’s worthwhile.
2) other humans are stressful.
Period.
But, when you’re self-conscious about your physical condition or the huffing/puffing you’re doing, human presence easily can be a full-blown deterrent to taking action.
How many times have I talked myself out of a neighborhood walk or jog because I was greasy, bloated, or just generally unacceptable for human interactions? I couldn’t tell ya. How many times have I been stressed and frustrated on my walk because there were people walking slowly in my way, no matter which road I turned down? Also, couldn’t even begin to guess. How many walks have been spent clutching keys in my fist and praying that no one was going to reach out of a dark alley and nab me? Too many.
If you have social anxiety or people-fears, don’t do these things to yourself. Get away from watching eyes and enjoy your exercise a million times more.
If you have social anxiety or people-fears, don’t do these things to yourself. Get away from watching eyes and enjoy your exercise a million times more.
And that applies to people you know and like, too.
Why you must go SOLO for the full trauma recovery benefit
I know… when there’s a freaky obstacle in your way, it feels better to climb it with company.
I’m no stranger to subverting my discomfort to friends. My trauma and anxiety are skilled at convincing me that I’m in danger the moment I walk outside… so I’m great at giving up before I even try. In the past, at least I would go do it if someone was there to provide moral support, keep me safe, or drive my ass.
But this time, trust when a fellow everything-phobe says, you’re really best-off alone.
For the same reasons as I listed in the prior section, and a few more, it’s less effective to have a hiking partner than a solo expedition.
1- You will still be in your head, worrying about judgements.
2- You will be distracted, staring at this person, worrying about pacing, and running yo mouth.
3- You won’t be uncomfortable… or gain confidence from the challenge of going alone.
In short, you just can’t get deep down and dirty with yourself when your best friend or significant other is standing in the way. Sorry guys.
AND the sense of accomplishment you’ll obtain from going out and doing it ON YOUR OWN is amazing. Realizing you can feel like giving something a try… and you can just go do it all by yourself? That’s huge for a ‘helpless’ trauma ‘victim.’
It sounds insignificant but making yourself fly solo when you venture to the park might be the first step to breaking your other codependent habits. It was for me.
I can still remember the victorious, free feelings that flooded my mental space when I successfully got in my car shaking from head to toe and went to the forest anyways. That first stretch of scenic serenity filled me with celebration. I was suddenly independent, capable, and confident, when, for years, I had only felt the opposite.
I can still remember the victorious, free feelings that flooded my mental space when I successfully got in my car shaking from head to toe and went to the forest anyways. That first stretch of scenic serenity filled me with celebration. I was suddenly independent, capable, and confident, when, for years, I had only felt the opposite.
Every time I overcame a long, difficult hike on my own, I built confidence in myself and my body. As someone who previously contended with mysterious illness that broke down all my physical independence, this was massive for me. Knowing I could trust my own two legs and this pesky little heart to carry me over treacherous footing and uphill climbs changed me inside.
Now, if it just sounds more fun to have a partner in crime… I hear you, but you’re still going to miss the target.
In my past, I often attempted to integrate my SO and friends into my new hiking practice… and it resulted in one of two ways: fighting (my SO) or debauchery (my friends). Neither of which lend themselves to getting present and personal after you trekked all the way to the fucking woods.
Sure, my body would get some of the same downstream health effects, but my brain was out fishing the whole time.
These days, when someone thinks my morning practice sounds like a good idea… I have to gracefully let them know that it’s MY practice. Nah, I’m not going to try to meet up whenever you wake up tomorrow. We can go for a recreational (let’s be honest, semi-fucked up) hike some other time. SRY.
Protect your practice and make it your special morning routine. Day after day after day.
Why you have to keep at it, day after day after day
So, you’re doing the thing! You actually got out and moved today, which already feels like a huge accomplishment!
But actually… this sucks. Where is all the energy and enlightenment that you’re supposed to be receiving?
On trip one, two, and three, you probably won’t be blown away by your results. Instead of feeling at-one with the universe, you might be distracted with what bullshit is waiting for you at work, that argument you had yesterday, or just a general sense of malaise. Your body probably feels tight and heavy. You’re counting down your steps back to the car. You’re tired and can’t wait for this to be over.
“This is what people do to themselves everyday? This is what that bitch at TMFRs is talking about all the time? Fuck, why?”
Well, because it’s a bit like climbing a mountain – both mentally and physically – from the low point you’re probably starting from.
I think the physical problems are common sense. “Move it or lose it,” etc. But, we know that trauma also tends to increase your body tension and leave you dissociated. So, there’s a good chance you are literally inflexible and disconnected from your weakened muscles. You probably feel physically terrible and it might be shocking to realize for the first time. Give it a few weeks. Incorporate some stretching. It’ll work out quickly.
But, we know that trauma also tends to increase your body tension and leave you dissociated. So, there’s a good chance you are literally inflexible and disconnected from your weakened muscles. You probably feel physically terrible and it might be shocking to realize for the first time.
As for the shitty mental state you’re starting from… here’s my two cents.
When you’re finally dealing with a backlog of issues, you’re going to experience frustration and tension for a while. It isn’t going to be a one-time walk that leads to lasting change in your brain. You’ll probably just stir some shit up or ruminate over the same-old-same-old crap from your every day existence.
At first, getting outdoors and exercising for mental health probably won’t feel good or relieving. You probably won’t immediately feel present or peaceful. You’re likely to be overrun with angry conversations in your head and “unsolvable” problems that plague your normal sleeping hours.
Yikes.
The good news is, the longer and more regularly you practice, the more efficiently you’ll uncover all the heavy, stressful, frustrating sentiments that you’re unknowingly carrying with you every day. And you’ll develop the ability to resolve them and let them go.
Lemme explain with my new metaphor.
When I first start my daily run/walk/hike routine after a long lapse in activity, I’ll be honest… I’m probably pretty pissy.
If I haven’t been regularly working my shit out, I’m going to feel intense because I’m backed up with problems to untangle. That’s how I like to view it – my thoughts and memories and emotions are wound up into one massive ball of shitty patchwork yarn. Every day, a little more string is added to the length and pulled tightly around the dusty outer layer of bullshit I’ve already collected. Tension is magnetic, and it weaves the existing infrastructure of unrest.
If I haven’t been regularly working my shit out, I’m going to feel intense because I’m backed up with problems to untangle. That’s how I like to view it – my thoughts and memories and emotions are wound up into one massive ball of shitty patchwork yarn. Every day, a little more string is added to the length and pulled tightly around the dusty outer layer of bullshit I’ve already collected. Tension is magnetic, and it weaves the existing infrastructure of unrest.
But, every morning, when I get my ass out of bed and start moving, I slowly unravel some of the string from yesterday. As my feet are hitting the ground, my brain clicks into a different program designed to identify, expose, and untie the line I’ve been half-assedly wadding up and discarding as a tangled mass in the space between my ribcage and spinal cord.
When I give my brain the space and context it needs, my thoughts wander in new directions and tedious knots unwind from the spool, exposing connections I couldn’t possibly see before.
When I give my brain the space and context it needs, my thoughts wander in new directions and tedious knots unwind from the spool, exposing connections I couldn’t possibly see before.
The next day, a piece of yarn from last week comes to the surface, and I unwind it with an hour or two of walking. And maybe, a frayed bit of string from last year is suddenly visible. And then a shit-stained section from high school comes into sight from the next layer.
Each time, I assess the gnarled knot now dangling in front of my face as my feet carry me through shady paths and over trickling streams. I take time, I give it consideration, I sense the solutions, I unravel the dense tangle, and I move on down the line, welcoming the next matted mess.
Like my visual? Eh, I’m trying.
If you get into a regular outdoor exercise regime and find your sweet spot for thought processing, you’ll feel an enormous difference in your mental landscape. You’ll feel control over your brain, no matter what your circumstances are that day.
You’ll wake up with less tension and negativity. You’ll be able to notice, access, and integrate sticky emotions with greater and greater efficiency. After a few weeks (or months or years, depending on your situation) of working shit out in this way (literally working out) you’ll have moments of clarity, inspiration, and enlightenment on every walk.
You’ll wake up with less tension and negativity. You’ll be able to notice, access, and integrate sticky emotions with greater and greater efficiency. After a few weeks (or months or years, depending on your situation) of working shit out in this way (literally working out) you’ll have moments of clarity, inspiration, and enlightenment on every walk.
You won’t be thinking about your ex from 7 years ago or painfully enduring mysterious toxicities in your body all day. Your brain will automatically direct its attention to whatever is bothering you – whatever is written right there on the untangled twine – and you can efficiently move on with less tension.
The shit that happens to you on a daily basis won’t feel like the “final straw” anymore. The times that you feel overwhelmed, you’ll confidently know how to organize your thoughts instead of drowning in them. Nothing in life will seem like such a massive problem again, because you’ll have the mental wherewithal to give it context and the inner-strength to deal while you work out a solution.
You’ll feel mentally free, inspired, and able to overcome challenges as they emerge… if not have some amazing epiphany moments that almost bring you to your knees.
Why I shout in the name of hiking for C-PTSD recovery
Sorry, but not sorry, for being pushy about this topic. I’m passionate about hiking for mental health because it saved my life and built up the mind that brought me here in the first place. I am convinced that it’s the closest thing to a magic bullet for all humans with trauma, anxiety, and depression. And, assuming you don’t live in a major city, it’s freely available as a solution to your unsolvable problems 24/7.
When I moved to Atlanta, I finally unraveled almost 3 decades of trauma with weekly therapy and daily hiking. I never had the time, interest, or availability of nature to know how powerful hiking and daily outdoor exercise could be… until that was the only resource that was available to me.
When I moved to Atlanta, I finally unraveled almost 3 decades of trauma with weekly therapy and daily hiking. I never had the time, interest, or availability of nature to know how powerful hiking and daily outdoor exercise could be… until that was the only resource that was available to me.
I was in a new city, I knew no one, and I was too terrified to leave the house to fix that issue. But I had a massive state park 5 minutes away, and sometimes I could convince myself to drive that far. So, every time my anxiety was beyond crazy or my ex was chasing me around, that’s where I went.
And that’s where I healed.
Traumatized Motherfuckers was originally built around a hiking metaphor and the illustrative recovery phases that I noticed running around in the woods for the first time in my adult life.
My self-realizations and emotional processing were rooted in those long walks, and that’s how I got a grip on my unmanageable trauma and anxiety symptoms.
My self-realizations and emotional processing were rooted in those long walks, and that’s how I got a grip on my unmanageable trauma and anxiety symptoms.
The woods are the only place I felt “okay” or “peaceful” for the first time in about 15 years. I remembered it was possible to feel good things on those trails. I unraveled decades of damage and had huge realizations alone in those woods. I made a lot of big decisions about my life and my purpose in those trees.
We wouldn’t be chatting if it weren’t for my hiking expeditions that started in 2017.
Not to be dramatic, but I don’t know if I’d be alive if it wasn’t for my outdoor exercise in quiet forests. I wasn’t headed down a promising path when I finally took off my skintight punker pants and started being open to sweating in nature. At the very least, my life would look totally different, and so would this tight bod. (half kidding)
The only reason why I got out of my agoraphobic prison, started to order my traumatized thinking, decided to redesign my life, and found the focus to work on a project like T-MFRS is because of my hiking practice. The only thing that kept me afloat while living with my abusive ex or flailing in the terrifying void that followed our breakup was my reliance on outdoor hiking for emotional management and self-confidence.
The only reason why I got out of my agoraphobic prison, started to order my traumatized thinking, decided to redesign my life, and found the focus to work on a project like T-MFRS is because of my hiking practice. The only thing that kept me afloat while living with my abusive ex or flailing in the terrifying void that followed our breakup was my reliance on outdoor hiking for emotional management and self-confidence.
The only thing that keeps me above water, so I can come back to writing, creating, and trying to make something that matters… is my clarity in the goddamn forest.
So, sorry for being a pushy bitch.
But get the fuck outside.
Alright, this was supposed to be a quick post about moving it for mental health. Eighteen posts and 20 something pages later… whoops.
Maybe I should go back to structuring this whole thing around a hiking metaphor; seems like I have too much to say.
Please go give this a try tomorrow morning and commit to stick it out for a single week. One morning might be the first step to fixing a broken life.
If you need tips and tricks on how to make yourself go do it, I’ve got good news. Next post, coming in hot.
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