Episode Guide | FULL Version
(Includes bonuses that are available to Advanced subscription tiers. Check your subscription for access.)
Looking for something specific? Use “ctrl-f” to search the document for words that are on your brain. Search anything, I’ve said a lot. Then navigate to that episode or grouping (series) of episodes to learn more! You also might want to check the Private Blog for related visual and textual resources.
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Season One
Season Two
Season Three
Season Four
Season Five
Season Six
Season Seven
Season Eight
Season Nine
Season Ten
Season Eleven
Season Twelve
Things to note when searching this doc:
– I use the term “disassociation” – searching for dissociation will produce limited results.
– Try “how-to” or “exercise” to find instructional episodes.
– Community recordings can be found with “MFs Speaks.”
– I’ve publicly re-released most of private seasons 1-2. Start on 3 for unheard episodes if you’ve worked through the public podcast.
Can’t find something? Send me an email at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com
Season One
(back to top)
Context: The pandemic hits and life changes. This MF accidentally starts a CPTSD recovery podcast, and then returns “home” where family history challenges progress.
Episode tone: More personal and emotional. Light listening. Early in trauma education, starting to look back on life to see deeper pattern replications running through relationships.
Trends: Reflecting on life with CPTSD, highlights of recovery perspectives, early measures to reduce trauma symptoms and counteract usual narratives, recovery motivation, initial realizations of trauma, aiming for family relationship healing.
I am the Traumatized Motherfucker. May 20th 2020.
S1E1
May 2020.First Episode Ever, recorded at start of pandemic in Atlanta, GA. There’s good news, MFs, CPTSD doesn’t have to run our lives. Coming together to talk about it? Is the road to recovery.
Key points: here’s life on CPTSD, get introduced, purpose of the project.
Tales from Early Recovery. May 21st, 2020.
S1E2
Did you know that I used to be 1) terrified of driving 2) terrified of humans and 3) terrified of leaving the house? Yep, for a few years this MF was fully-agoraphobic.
Today, I’m revisiting an old post from 2019 where I talked about how much my life has changed in 1.5 years of Trauma Recovery I had at that point – mainly, as it related to driving avoidance, controlling relationships, self-isolation, and anxiety-management. How’d the life-halting fears start? What made them worse? How’d I get over my stagnating anxieties? Lez revisit an old account.
Key points: early CPTSD, life on complex trauma, recovery, anxiety, stagnation, anxiety management, early recovery, human fear, agoraphobia.
* Blog | Getting Vulnerable; Intro to my C-PSTD. May 24th, 2020.
S1E3
From a trauma-normalizing family with their own untreated CPTSD, wrought with substance addiction and relational abuse, you get… a background education in continually surviving. A deep knowledge of fear and instability. But it might not be named “PTSD” for a while.
Note: These episodes are from the “before times” in unearthing more subtle family patterns and narratives. As the series progresses and so does my family re-immersion, realizations are… aplenty. Maternal trauma emerges. Paternal understanding grows with his abrupt death. Perspectives change.
Key points: addiction, domestic abuse, parental relationships, sibling relationships, early understanding of CPTSD
The father, the son, and the financial ruin: Part 2 of my Intro to C-PTSD. May 24th, 2020.
S1E4
What are the origins of my childhood trauma story? Where did this Trauma Project start? Buckle up, Motherfuckers. Learn – briefly and sensitively – about my personal trauma story as I continue recording through my original blog posts. The intention? Not to wallow or complain about hard times… but to connect with people who’ve always felt alone. I’m turning these writings into audio recordings, so strong Motherfuckers can connect without giving up their time and eyesight.
Key points: addiction, abuse, distrust, human fear, domestic abuse, family patterns, family of origin, generational trauma, untreated CPTSD.
*Stress, inflammation, and autoimmune disease: Part 3 of my Intro to C-PTSD. May 24th, 2020.
S1E5
What happens in your early 20’s? You lose your fucking health, if you’re me. Let’s talk about what finally brought me to realize the connection between a belabored brain and body’s experience.
Key points: undiagnosed trauma, symptom overcompensation, stress, stress-based illness, health failure, health trauma, workaholism, perfectionism, academia, human performance, autoimmune, inflammation, the body keeps the score.
An abusive relationship and a new purpose. Part 4 of my Intro to C-PTSD. May 24th, 2020.
S1E6
Lessons; one year after leaving my abusive relationship and losing it all. I’m talking self-shame, inner critics, and forgiveness in the wake of another abusive circumstance. This is part 4 of my origin story; where I’ve been, what I’ve conquered, and how I began my trauma recovery journey after years of giving up on myself.
Notes: Lots to say about this one – namely, that accountability is due on both ends and these trauma patterns become a lot clearer with exploration through family systems. It’s a complicated story of codependency and mutual trauma interactions.
Key points: romantic relationships, relationship abuse, codependency, isolation, abuse tactics, trauma relationship patterns, autonomy.
Trick your Trauma Brain into action. June 1st, 2020.
S1E7
That internal resistance. The thought that “nothing matters” or “you can’t do it right, anyways.” The voice that tells you it’s impossible. Or, the sense that you need to feel inspired to get started, and maybe that will all shift on its own tomorrow. It’s convincing. But once you get over the initial climb to take the first step, have faith that everything will start to fall into place. You just need to quiet your inner critic and get going. And you might need to trick your brain into it. These are my two favorite bitesized hacks for keeping myself moving.
Notes: You might be dealing with some self-limitation. Check out the deeper series on all manner of limiting-modes and getting out of them in season 9.
Key points: stagnation, motivation, black and white, learned helplessness, inner critic, behavioral change, self-limitation, how-to.
* LIVE: Visiting home and trauma journey backslides. June 6th, 2020.
S1E8
For months I’ve been great (you know, relatively speaking for a Traumatized MF). I’ve been focused, uber productive, healthy, and happy, locked inside my room in Atlanta… and then I came home to Illinois. Triggers: everywhere. Trauma mindset: ACTIVATED. I’ve been a fucking anxious, fearful, defeated mess, our of nowhere – and I can’t help but wonder…. How can such a high high be immediately followed by a descent to trauma lows? Will I pull this shit back together, or is this another slip backwards on my long trauma trek? Guess we’ll find out in this OFF THE CUFF discussion of recent life challenges.
Key points: recovery & regression, family re-immersion, family of origin, triggering situations, confronting old trauma (before knowing what half of the trauma tale was).
Blog | Turn universal human fears into comforts. June 10th, 2021.
S1E9
This is a journal-turned-blog post-turned-podcast that you might not be ready for. Talking about universal human fears in no-nonsense terms. The worst case scenarios. The most terrifying ideas that creep up on us at night…. And how they’re all completely true. 😬
Most of us pretend these are distant fallacies, reserved for “other people” and their karmically-unfortunate loved ones… but, MF, the sooner you can accept inevitable fate, the sooner you can decide how you actually want to live your life. Stop running from the undoubtable, lean into the comfort of uncomfortable certainty, get clear, and finally take action.
Key points: fear, human brains, motivation, acceptance, empowerment, loneliness, stagnation, take action.
LIVE from my childhood home; Experiments and Results in C-PTSD management. June 14th, 2020.
S1E10
Who’s back home and losing my trauma recovery footing? This guy!
When we left off, I was talking trauma and triggers caused by revisiting my roots. What’s happened since then? Instead of fleeing from my discomfort for the safety of Atlanta…. I’ve been doing a lot of experimenting. These are the trials and the results in managing my trauma responses in my most triggering environment. Am I pulling it together this time? Or falling apart, like so many times in the past?
Key points: family of origin, family reimmersion, triggers, historical trauma, early CPTSD conversations, CPTSD 101, my story, one perspective, symptoms, recovery challenges.
* Blog | Complex Trauma and insecure attachments. Why romantic relationships wreck my world. June 20th, 2020.
S1E11. Bonus tiers.
I’m not proud to admit, I have bad relationships. I get obsessive and anxious. I fall into unhealthy patterns with unhealthy people. And I let them destroy my life from the inside out. It’s easy to beat myself up… but the fact is, I never learned about healthy relationships. I have good intentions, but I can easily care too much for people who don’t care for themselves. Every time, I get blown off-course from where I was headed with my own life and mental health recovery. How about you?
Key points: abuse, codependent relationships, relational trauma, relationship patterns, martyrdom, fawning, grieving relationship loss.
* Blog | Endless Trauma Loops; Why do they happen and how to forgive mistakes on repeat. June 24th, 2020.
S1E12
For the past 2 years, I’ve had major epiphany moments about my trauma journey and recovery. Then, I found an old journal that effectively demonstrates that I’ve known this information all along. Since a decade ago. I’ve had all the answers, I’ve known the right steps to take, and I’ve relived the same trauma patterns over and over again. Today, we’re talking endless trauma loops. Where do they come from? What’s up with this trauma programming, inner critic, and fucked up core belief system? How does history repeat itself without being noticed? And how can we break these patterns before another decade flies by?
Plus… how to forgive ourselves for mistakes on repeat.
Key points: recovery, self-discoveries, trauma patterns on repeat, inner critic, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, fucked up core beliefs, starting to understand “trauma programming” and “trauma patterns.”
BONUS | Leaning into dark emotions; Getting honest about my lost relationship. June 26th, 2020.
S1E13. Bonus tiers.
So… for months I’ve been doing well, spitting optimism, and riding highs. But this hasn’t been totally honest with myself. There’s been something bubbling under the surface that I haven’t wanted to deal with. And it hasn’t been doing me any favors. Today, I’m talking off-script about how I lean into uncomfortable feelings and pull out the compartmentalized emotions without losing myself in a depressive pit… and exactly what’s been churning under the surface in my life. Spoilers: I’m embarrassed to say, it’s a lost relationship. And not even a good one.
Key points: relationships, trauma relationships, addiction, codependency, boundaries, caretaking, healthy relationships, human distrust, loss, emotional avoidance.
Live | Shaking off shitty behaviors and getting trauma on track. July 1st, 2020.
S1E14. Bonus tiers.
A fellow trauma traveler from across the globe reaches out! Sharing the goosebump-raising voice message sent from an amazing New Zealander, proud to call herself a Motherfucker. And this week… your motherfucker’s actually keeping the trauma terrors at bay. Why? Because I’m finally not acting like an asshole to myself. Turns out, when you calm down, do the things that you know support your trauma recovery mindset, and stop indulging in your shitty habits, everything can change pretty quickly. PSA: consume the right information, keep up with your mental health management practices, and watch your perspective change your world.
Key points: MFs Speak!, generational trauma healing, behavioral changes, environmental support, media, support systems, mother trauma, purpose.
* Blog | Fear and Helplessness; There is no merit in worrying. July 2nd, 2020.
S1E15
Talking about the mindset of fear and helplessness running the show of your life. What’s stopping you from doing things you know you should? Probably yourself.The merit of worrying must die. Discussing the major problem with always being “10 steps ahead.” How did this MF transition from an agoraphobe who was anxiety-attack-level-terrified of driving to packing up and doing that shit errday, across thousands of miles? Well… the answer may be insulting. “Think less, do more.” How?
Key points: fear, helplessness, self-empowerment, worry, confronting trauma, self-limiting beliefs.
Blog | Leveraging Anger in the war of Complex Trauma Recovery. July 5th, 2020.
S1E16
Anger has a bad rap. No, we don’t need more angst or outrage in this world… but when your emotions are limited by anxiety, overwhelm, and triggers, a Motherfucker only has so many options. “Finding Peace,” and, “Believing in Bright Sides,” aren’t going to be on that list. This is how indigence can be a useful tool to kickstart a trauma recovery journey. Git mad, git proactive, and prove that all those fuckers who held you back back before won’t hold you down forever.
Key points: Anger, utility of anger, self-empowerment, recovery, show em what you’re made of.
*Learn to say goodbye to people you love. July 8th, 2020.
S1E17. Bonus tiers.
An early episode, redacted for personal info. Relationships have always been the most important part of my life; for worse or for… still worse. You know, I’ve lost a lot of folks in the past year. At any other time, these relationship losses would be the final straw for this hunchback. But(t) luckily, I’ve learned how to enjoy saying goodbye to people. Even ones that I love deeply. Even ones that fucked me right over.
Key points: loss, relationship dissolution, grief, abandonment, moving forward, motivation, perspective reframe.
Ironic followup; Saying goodbye… Also, git fucked. July 8th, 2021.
S1E18. Bonus tiers.
Remember that post a few hours ago, “Enjoy saying goodbye to people you love”? How about an immediate update on putting it into practice? Hilarious, universe. I’m here for it. I’m talking real shit that’s happened in my week. Things I normally keep to myself… buttfuckit, the timing is too ironic. Who’s ready for a rant about actively accepting loss and the challenges of going unheard to roughly half the population? Warning: I miiight be dragging hard on men in this one.
Notes: Not a “finest moment,” just a triggered one, reflecting on a long history of patterns.
Key points: boundaries, relationship patterns, CPTSD relationships, relational abuse, distrust, avoidance.
BONUS | It’s not “okay,” but I have gender triggers. July 8th, 2021.
S1E19. Bonus tiers.
An early episode, Summer 2020, redacted for… not being PC or un-trauma biased. And I MF know it. Sometimes our past experiences make us unfairly biased or easily triggered, and apparently I have a lot of bad times with a certain ‘male’ energy.
Key points: gender, gender triggers, boundaries, distrust, trauma reactions, trauma patterns, my story.
Workaholics (Hypervigilance) Anon. July 8th, 2020.
S1E20
I’m one rigid bitch. Maybe not in my beliefs or judgements of others… but shit, I can’t handle my own self. My days? Wake up, work out, werk werk werk until these eyes are ready to BLEED. I never realized that this always-moving, constantly-accomplishing mindset was a part of my trauma. But hey, like everything else in life, it all goes back to childhood coping, fucked up core beliefs, anxiety and avoidance. Time to stop pretending this chronic accomplishing is a merit. It’s a fucking addiction. Workaholics Anon, established 2020.
Key points: escapism, disassociation, time distortion, achievement, perfectionism, early CPTSD, CPTSD 101, trauma patterns, human performance, my story.
The Other Shoe; Enjoy it today, bleed tomorrow. July 10th, 2020.
S1E21
I’m not one of those people who can… enjoy things. What is “fun,” and do other people have it? If I’m having a pleasant experience, my brain wants to end it before it’s “too late.” (i.e. before the world sends shitty times to counter-act the good.) Better get back to work, you’re feeling too happy right now. Doom is on the way. Thanks, trauma!
Key points: predictive misery, self-limitation, mood, negativity bias, the other shoe, prediction, trauma patterns, cognitive trauma, early CPTSD conversations, CPTSD 101, my story.
Brain Overload; Trauma or just busted? July 12th, 2020
S1E22
Am I the only Motherfucker who suffers from chronic brain overwhelm and thought disorganization? It feels like info and events from my life flutter around this brain box like a swirling ticker tape parade. And MF, it really doesn’t take much for my head to get filled with garbage.
Integrating the details to form a cohesive, realistic picture of what’s going on in front of me? Not inherently good at it. Sometimes this foggy, disorganized brain leaves me feeling handicapped when “normal life” quickly gets to be too much. It has me wondering; Am I totally fucked, or am I finding a way to deal?
Key points: brain processes, trauma brain, CPTSD 101, understand yourself, trauma patterns, early CPTSD conversations, my story.
Season Two
(back to top)
Context: Mid-pandemic, still crashing with my mom in the region where I grew up (outside of Chicago IL, USA). Hopes: healing the relationship – when else will there be a chance like this? As the world COVID burns, this accidental podcast thing seems to be taking off… so it’s becoming an obsession and method of escapism. Workaholism reigns, financial trauma pokes, old mother triggers begin to emerge…. But the relationship seems slated for recovery. (It isn’t.)
Episode tone: experiential and emotional reflection on life with complex trauma. Easy listening. Early days in podcasting and understanding trauma trends.
Episode trends: reflecting on a life lived with CPTSD, early recovery pointers & perspective reframes, recognition of trauma, understanding emotions, masking mental illness, overcompensation and escapism, intro to financial trauma, health trauma.
Live | I am the project of a lifetime. July 15th, 2020.
S2E0. Bonus tiers.
Compulsive workaholic for the sake of escaping your own life? Holler – lifetime member of the Overdoing It club. All that self-neglect in the name of accomplishing? It makes me lose sight of my complex trauma recovery. This Traumatized Motherfucker cast/blog/community is fun and fulfilling – but I forgot something critical – TMFRs isn’t running the show. My brain and life have to be priorities, someday.
Key points: self-care, workaholism, trauma escapism, distraction, mental processing, time space and energy, prioritizing recovery, recovery journey.
The masks we wear; Hiding mental illness. July 17th, 2020.
S2E1. Bonus tiers.
When you can’t talk about your experiences and subsequent mental illness… you hide it. I spent my life trying to patch the holes with all sorts of disguise; fading into the background, embodying a subservient worker bee, coating my exhausted face with layers of paint. In hindsight, to pacify other people and fit into the “healthy herd.”
Did it ever really work? Nah, motherfuckers. Nobody has ever called this walking war against self “healthy or happy-looking” until I actually got a grip on positive living. And that was like… right now.
Sorry for the nature-sounds; trying a new walk and talk format. Hope you enjoy ambient bird calls and bugs screaming.
Key points: masking, trauma hiding, mental illness overcompensation, class trauma, fronting, appearance, appearance perfectionism, coping skills, maladaptation, societal and social roles, human performing, disclosure hesitancy, authentic-self, health.
“I’m doing fine,” and other human lies. July 20th, 2020.
S2E2. Bonus tiers.
Tired of painting on a happy face? We all are. For better or for worse, we have all been programmed to keep our heads down and project utter bliss, or at least sufficient satisfaction, to the entire planet. This only equips us with the universal expectation that everyone is actually fine, and we should be too.
Key points: masking, trauma hiding, mental illness overcompensation, fronting, disclosure hesitancy.
Blog | “I can’t” | Too inferior to fail. July 21st, 2020.
S2E3
Always waiting for something to change before you can? Convinced that the obstacle is too large – and uncomfortable – to start climbing? Yeah, me too. But rest assured, no one knows what the fuck they’re doing. The inferiority fear and resistance is more than half the battle. Get moving and figure it out as you go, Motherfucker.
Key points: helplessness, freeze states, perspective, inner critic, defeatism, self-limiting beliefs, motivation.
** Emotional roller coasters; The rise is relative to the fall. July 24th, 2020.
S2E4
Anyone else have big emotions that shift faster than the wind? One moment I’m floating, the next I’m fucking sinking. External circumstances don’t even have to wreck this ship; I have an explosive boiler room powering this ocean liner. With spiraling thoughts, fear-based perception, and a general ignorance of what “doing well” even means… it’s hard to keep positive emotions stable or properly name your mental state.
Key points: understanding emotions, emotional fluctuations, emotional numbing, disassociation, fear, emotional regulation, sensitive.
** Relatable | Was it really “Trauma?” July 27th, 2020.
S2E5
“Or am I just sensitive?” It’s hard to know, when our culture has reduced “PTSD” to mean “Soldiers’ disease.” Oh, and your history-denying family? Yeah, they’re not helping either. What is “Trauma,” and how do you cope with the diagnosis?
Key points: “sensitive,” trigger words, PTSD history, family of origin, cause of PTSD, diagnosis trauma, trauma doubting, perspective, gaslighting, family denial, recognition of trauma.
** What IS Complex Trauma? Off the cuff. July 28th, 2020.
S2E6
When we discuss this C-PTSD thing… what the fuck are we really talking about? What is it? How does it happen? What are the long lasting effects?
Notes: This episode is re-done, on public and private podcast streams! More knowledge means updated shows. Check out the newer scripted versions, which kicked off (private) and finished (public) 2021. Stay tuned – after another year of community learning, it’ll be updated again soon.
Key points: what is CPTSD, defining complex trauma, childhood trauma, understanding trauma.
Complex obstacle; Starting therapy. July 29th, 2020.
S2E7
What’s harder than living in hell everyday? Finding someone who can help you get out.
Key points: finding help, therapy challenges, bad therapists, recovery obstacles, effective therapy, misdiagnosis, diagnosis trauma, undiagnosed CPTSD, symptoms.
“Living in Trauma” – Like remembering a fever nightmare. July 30th, 2020.
S2E8. Bonus tiers.
Looking back on those days of trauma-responses and utter misery… sometimes feels more like trying to remember a fever nightmare, rather than recalling the past.
Key points: trauma state, memory distortions, living in trauma, symptoms, disassociation, memory.
Walkntalk | “All your fault,” shinner critic screams. August 1st, 2020.
S2E9. Bonus tiers.
Shit inner critic, or shameful inner critic, that is. Mine‘s been rearing his ugly fucking face in regards to personal relationships… Logical brain quietly disagrees.
Key points: inner critic, shame, self-talk, rewiring, conscious thought, self-condemnation, self-defeat.
Caring for everyone… but you. August 2nd, 2020.
S2E10. Bonus tiers.
I’m great at taking care of everyone… but myself. Always dissociated. Always slave-driving. Always worried about everyone else. Sound right?
What is this “self-care?” How does one “have fun?” What do you mean “live with balance?” How do we stop worrying about everything except our own experience?
Here are some lessons from a life constructed of workaholism and martyring tendencies.
Key points: self-sabotage, martyrdom, human performance, relationship pressures, fawning, perfectionism, survival, actual self-care.
Victim or Motherfucker? Has Trauma ever “helped?” August 4th, 2020.
S2E11. Bonus tiers.
Unpopular opinion; early trauma gave me a lot of positive personality traits… you know, along with all the terrible ones.
Am I a basketcase sometimes? Sure. Am I also resilient, responsible, good at reading people, and ready for disaster? Yer motherfucking right.’
Key points: trauma patterns, adaptation, emotional regulation, personality systems, adaptive personalities, coping skills.
* Early Trauma Coping: Punk Rock Saved My Life. August 9th, 2020.
S2E12
Punk is the trauma genre, drawing misfits and unwanted outsiders together to create their own community. And they don’t have time for yer societal shit. Fact is, if I hadn’t become a punk, I probably would have followed in my family footsteps. Without this community, lord knows I wouldn’t have escaped my circumstances; abuse, addiction, poverty, and rural-shittery. A story of finding identity and community.
Key points: early trauma coping, childhood trauma, isolation, loneliness, finding community, social roles, social connection, identity.
Trauma and physical manifestions. August 12th, 2020.
S2E13
So… things suddenly aren’t going so well with your body? Weird shit is happening, acutely and chronically?
Sorry, Motherfucker. Welcome to the world of trauma manifestation in physical symptoms. Talking flashbacks, dissociation, and all the assorted ailments you can expect. Plus, my general advice based on what helped me quiet down these autoimmune diseases, digestive failures, acid reflux, FUPAs, migraines, and more. Take it or leave it.
Key points: trauma symptoms, disassociation, health trauma, health failures, body trauma, emotional suppression, stress-based illness, autoimmune, inflammation, the body keeps the score.
School: Applied Behavior Analysis and Trauma Recovery. August 14th, 2020.
S2E14
Guess who’s going back to school? What IS ABA, how has it helped in this trauma recovery journey, and how can it help other Motherfuckers?
Notes: Behavioral Science becomes a much bigger point of the show with time! Hit up the episodes on using ABA for trauma treatment from early 2021 for an in-depth look at ways you can track your own trauma reactions to establish better behavioral programs.
Key points: behavioral science, applied behavioral analysis, behavioral change, behavioral management, health management, symptom management, recovery, life changes.
Two months in my childhood home. August 15th, 2020
S2E15
“You can come home,” my mom has {usually} said. “I would rather die,” I’ve always replied. {EDIT: hit the nail on the head.}
So, it’s been two months of living with my mom. AKA my worst nightmare come true! Normally, I’m knee deep in suicidal ideations by day 2 of black sheeping it at home. Here’s looking back at two months of being in a triggering environment and figuring it out… surprising family healing, included. I guess therapy works, and the results can be passed by transitive property.
Notes: This is a developing situation that turns towards historical trauma trends with time. Enjoy this update, things will be very different in a matter of months.
Key points: family of origin, maternal relationships, triggers, historical trauma, family reimmersion, family tethering, CPTSD management, CPTSD early conversations, CPTSD 101, my story.
*** Shame and C-PTSD. August 17th, 2020
S2E16
What the fuck IS shame, exactly? How is it different from guilt? How does it interplay with Trauma? Doing some “real research” and reporting back on the hidden experience of Shame. One of the most painful and pervasive emotions.
Key points: shame, defining shame, labeling emotions, utility of emotions, purpose of shame, research, evolutionary biology, social pressure, social animal brains.
** Relational Deactivation; hot & cold relationships explained. August 20th, 2020.
S2E17
Ever heard of Deactivation? I hadn’t really, either. But it explains a lot about my do-or-die relationships and flighty nature. A die-hard companion. A martyr for relationships. A friend until the end. (READ: A codependent mess) UNTIL I’M NOT. Here for you one day, freaked out and disappeared the next. Is this a shitty personality, or survival instincts gone wrong? Time to research something new – Deactivation.
Key points: survival skills, adaptation, maladaptive coping, black and white, fight or flight, fawn or flight, martyrdom, relationship abandonment, deactivation, relational trauma.
Season Three
(back to top)
Context: End of year 2020; political and viral tumult continues as the Biden v. Trump election tramples the news. The podcast has been taking off, school has been picking up, Archiewheeliepup has entered the picture in all his flopping glory. (read: 24/7 care.) A new relationship enters and exits in trauma-typical abandonment fashion. Times get intense. Then this MF’s estranged dad suddenly dies, ending all plans to return to Atlanta and catalyzing deeper re-entry into family of origin dynamics.
Episode tone: Entering research mode, as avoided family trauma wounds rise and mental health becomes harder to support through grief.
Episode trends: research heavier, emotional examination, evolutionary biology emphasis, disassociation, survival responses, distress, chaos, depression, sensitivity, stimulation, hypervigilance, grandiose narcissism, abuse patterns, relationships, memory, intro to neurobiology, rumination, anxiety, loss, estrangement, family re-immersion, holiday specials.
Imposter Syndrome: Intro to Season Three. August 22nd, 2020.
S3E0
Ever get that voice in your head whispering sour nothings about your shortcomings and the false perceptions of others? Hey, me too. Annnd that’s especially true when I try to meld this CPTSD support project with my actual schooling in ABA.
This week, I’m talking Applied Behavior Analysis… and we’re kicking off “Season Three” with a quick look at the ways I still feel like a clueless, exhausted imposter. You know the struggle.
Key points: imposter syndrome, inner critic, shame, self-doubt, self-limiting beliefs, behavioral science.
Bonus | First Ever Ask Me Anything. August 26th, 2020.
S3E1. BONUS.
Holler, look who isn’t spewing out 50 minutes of research and writing today! Instead, I’m addressing the AMA questions from the TMFR Patreon and sharing the answers with everyone. What’s my number one recovery tool, why did this project get started, and beyond!
Key points: behind the scenes, recovery tools, project purpose, early CPTSD conversations, CPTSD 101, early recovery, my story so far.
** Handicapped? ACEs and Work-Life Destruction. August 26th, 2020.
S3E2
Struggle with work environments triggering your trauma and disrupting your life? Wonder why coworkers drive you over the edge? Ever feel like you’re just “not cut out” for a 9-5? Yeah, Fucker. You aren’t alone.
Of course, our ACEs contribute to difficult work relationships and poor life balance. When organizations encourage security hierarchies, poor boundaries, and social aggression… is it really any wonder that Traumatized Motherfuckers feel their mental health going by the wayside?
Key points: work trauma, CPTSD vs. job pressures, work triggers, ACEs, family and work hierarchies, covert abuse, “disabled?”, boundaries, tribalism, perfectionism, human triggers.
* Emotional Dissociation (AKA Numbing). August 29th, 2020.
S3E3
Today, I’m discussing some research on Emotional Dissociation as well as my own experience with the learned defense mechanism. The emotional “switch” that flips when things are overwhelming… and how it takes on a life of its own.
Key points: disassociation, emotional numbing, emotional fluctuations, black and white, coping skills, maladaptive coping, trauma responses, trauma adaptation, research.
Prolonged Freeze States. August 30th, 2020.
S3E4
Ever feel like you get “stuck” in a void? Like your brain goes blank and your tongue gets tied? Do you watch your life deteriorate while you’re stuck in a parallel dimension?
Hey, today I’m discussing Freeze States in Trauma survivors. I’ve got a research article for you, revealing the occurrence of “prolonged” Freeze States in rats under Complex Trauma Conditions. Plus, we’re talking about the ways that this survival mechanism can become a long-term maladaptive response instead of a momentary defense.
Key points: freeze state, survival responses, chronic freeze, learned helplessness, trauma adaptation, maladaptive coping, recovery obstacles, life changes, research.
The Anxiety Chronicles 2019. September 1st, 2020.
S3E5
Recently, there have been some challenging flashbacks and memories in my world. Anniversaries do that to me. One year ago there was a lot going on – from publishing an article in The Lily about life with debilitating anxiety… to finally being permitted to retrieve belongings from my ex’s house… to his continued harassment and emotional abuse.
Today, I’m taking a look in the past; reading up on what happened in August 2019, my account of anxious living, and how (for once) I kept myself from devolving into complete madness in the chaos.
Key points: anxiety, anxiety management, generalized anxiety.
Distress Intolerance and Perseverant Thinking. September 6th, 2020.
S3E6
Ever feel overwhelmed and shut-down for… well… kind of mundane reasons? Like you’re about to explode if your phone doesn’t stop pinging? You might kill your significant other if they don’t let *that issue* go? You might break down if you get an email at 9pm?
When the agitation from over stimulation builds up, what happens next? Shutdown, avoidance, aggression? A quick turn towards maladaptive behaviors that lingers for days? Yeah, Fucker, today I’m talking about Distress Intolerance, inner critics, and avoidant coping responses. Is it real, and what can we do about it?
Key points: distress, distress intolerance, obsession, obsessive thought, hypervigilance, emotional reactions, emotional regulation, inner critic, avoidance, maladaptive coping, adaptive changes, research.
** Three Axes of PTSD Management. September 10th, 2020.
S3E7
I’m not a scientist anymore, but some things haven’t faded. Today, I’m laying out my hypothesis that there are three major areas of life that need to be positively changed and maintained for lasting Trauma brain recovery to happen. The massive, overarching elements that require exhaustive attention and brave behavior changes. What are those areas? How do they impact our mental health? What happens when one or two of the components are in place – good enough, right? (Nah.)
Notes: This is a conversation that’s always deepening. Seasons 8 and 9 have a great deal more information on these recovery must-haves and methods for keeping yourself progressing.
Key points: recovery pathways, changing lives, environment influences, outer integration, trauma brain, behavioral changes, behavior programs, recovery obstacles, how-to.
Comfort in Chaos. September 14th, 2020.
S3E8
Ever heard that generality, “Complex Trauma survivors culture chaos in their lives because it feels normal”? Fuck that, amiright? No way this constant shitshow is my fault. I do NOT want any of this entropy that follows me.
Well, Fuckers, today I’m taking a look at the more subtle forms of chaos that have been ruling my life and relations for the past 3 months. Maaaaybe it’s time to acknowledge that chaos does something to calm this brain…. even if I don’t want it to be true.
Notes: This is an early conversation bordering on “neurobiology.” For a lot more information on why our brains repeat old (miserable) patterns hang tight for later episodes!
Key points: chaos, normalcy, adaptation, comfort, distraction, trauma patterns.
Interview | Marie D’Elephant of Everyone’s Autonomous. September 16th, 2020.
S3E9
I’m talking with Marie D’Elephant, host of the Everyone’s Autonomous Podcast and personal Autonomy coach. This human RULES. Marie discusses her past religious trauma, deconversion, and learning how to accept herself for the first time. We also cover the idea of death-positivity, the autonomous effect of working for yourself, and combating relationship codependency!
Key points: religious trauma, autonomy, codependency, relationships, relationship recovery, healthy relationships, changing lives, behavioral programs, deconversion, death acceptance, death positivity, interview.
** Depression, Evolution, and Survival. September 17th, 2020.
S3E10
Where to begin this conversation? Depression is as inseparable from my life experience as breathing. So, today, I’m looking at the crossover between Complex Trauma and Depression. What are the hallmarks of C-PTSD that lend themselves to clinical depressive spells – and vice versa? How do the two progress and pervade each other? And… is there a way to escape?
Key points: depression, understanding depression, evolutionary biology, survival mechanisms, neurobiology, biology, chronic depression, major depression, CPTSD symptoms.
** Highly Sensitive People; the personality trait. September 19th, 2020.
S3E11
Today, we’re talking about a new personality trait that I learned from the TMFR Discord community! Are you continually overloaded? Overwhelmed? Overstimulated? You might be an HSP – a High Sensitive Person. Find out if you’re part of the 15-20% of the population affected by HSP and how this genetic predisposition to stimuli-flooding contributes to our Distress Intolerance and Emotional Responses.
Key points: sensitivity, hypervigilance, neurobiology, trauma adaptations, environmental factors, highly sensitive people, emotional detection, fawning, overstimulation, ADHD, distress intolerance, programmed fear, CPTSD personality traits.
** Over-stimulation, Hypersensitivity, and Trauma. September 19th, 2020.
S3E12
Ever feel like you’re just TOO observative and sensitive? Like your surroundings have an irrationally large effect on your concentration, mood, and emotions? Like you’re strangely stimulated from the inside more often than not? Good news, it’s not just you – it’s Trauma.
Dig the Complex Trauma support project? Well, shit, this MF needs support too. If this trauma podcast is helping you in any way, please consider throwing a few bucks at it – you’ll help other Traumatized Fuckers get the words they need to feel less alone and help me afford to eat.
Key points: sensitivity, hypervigilance, neurobiology, trauma adaptations, environmental factors, highly sensitive people, emotional detection, fawning, overstimulation, ADHD, distress intolerance, programmed fear, CPTSD personality traits.
A Workaholic Experiment in Applied Behavior Analysis. September 20th, 2020.
S3E13
Hey, it’s that time again. Taking a solid look at that life I’ve been creating via anxiety and workaholic tendencies…. and ABA-challenging myself to experiment with redirecting this messy MO towards more functional behaviors.
Notes: workaholism is an ongoing topic – a form of avoidance, escape, and “safety.” Stay tuned to hear more, including how this connects with social programming in seasons 8 and 9.
Key points: behavioral science, behavior change, behavioral change programs, workaholism, anxiety, achievement, perfectionism, escapism, trauma patterns, changing life.
Narcissists, Defined. September 21st, 2020.
S3E14
Who’s bad at relationships? Yeeeah, me too. In particular, I hear a lot of us wonder about one personality disorder that underlies all the relationship drama… What’s up with the narcissists that seem to seek and destroy us, anyways?
What exactly IS a narcissist? And hey, how about some fun insights from my past reckoning.
Key points: narcissists, grandiose narcissism, traditional narcissism, covert abuse, emotional abuse, experience of narcissistic relationships.
** Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse. September 23rd, 2020.
S3E15
In the last episode we talked about what defines a narcissist. Today, we’re exploring the addictive highs and lows of the narcissistic cycle of abuse and why C-PTSD sufferers are so easily drawn into the trap. Abusive histories, codependent tendencies, and intermittent reinforcement, abound.
Key points: narcissists, grandiose narcissism, traditional narcissism, covert abuse, emotional abuse, experience of narcissistic relationships, abuse cycles, reinforcement, codependence, trauma relationships, relationship patterns.
BONUS | Dismissed Boundaries. September 23rd, 2020.
S3E16. Bonus tiers.
An early episode, summer 2020, redacted for personal info. This is a venting experiment. Airing some dirty, guilty laundry about men, romantic relationships, attraction, and “I’m not interested,” in a way that I think other MFs will understand.
Key points: relationships, trauma relationships, boundaries, healthy relationships, human distrust.
BONUS Conversation | My MOM! Part 1. September 26th, 2020.
S3E17. Bonus tiers.
Part One. If you’ve been listening, you’ve heard about my neurotic, emotionally-averse Mom. I’ve been staying with her for the past 3 months and – for the first time in 20 years – we’ve been spending time together without tearing each others heads off. HOW? Yeah, Fuckers, I wonder, too.
Some of our newfound relatability has to do with my Trauma recovery, which has bled into her own mental health discoveries. For the first time, we can talk about our family history and mutual struggles with anxiety. Today, I’m broadcasting a wine-fueled conversation with my mom about both.
Key points: generational trauma, healing relationships, addiction, domestic abuse, anxiety, emotional numbing, disassociation, mother trauma, maternal relationship, family of origin, insomnia, journaling, coping skills, siblings, Archie, interview.
BONUS Conversation | My MOM! Part 2. September 28th, 2020.
S3E18. Bonus tiers.
Part TWO of my conversation with my MOM. If you’re not aware, she’s the anxiety-motivated, broken animal loving, workaholic who has incrementally been a role model or emotionally-dismissive monster in my life, depending on the day.
Things have always been hard between us, but these days, we’re both on a healing journey with our familial Trauma. In this segment, we’re talking about the connection between Trauma and over-responsibility, continued nightmares from our past, and lifting the veil on our hidden family history.
Key points: generational trauma, healing relationships, addiction, domestic abuse, anxiety, emotional numbing, disassociation, mother trauma, maternal relationship, family of origin, flashbacks, nightmares, siblings, Archie, interview.
*** Self-sabotage and Dissociation. October 5th, 2020.
S3E19
So what happens when we accidentally self-sabotage, exactly? Why do certain behaviors just “pop up” when we aren’t paying enough attention? And why do we even lose memory and awareness while those behaviors are taking place?
How about an early conversation around “dis-association?”
Notes: This topic is one of continual conversation… but our language around it has changed! Search “disassociation” to find more information and understanding spread throughout the seasons.
Key points: self-sabotage, self-destructive behaviors, self-harm, automatic behavioral patterns, brain automaticity, trauma patterns, disassociation, biology, energetic resources, neurobiology, disassociative identity, parts.
** Evolutionary Basis of Emotions. October 6th, 2020.
S3E20
Hey, quick question… What are emotions? Not “where do they come from in the brain.” We’re all tired of the limbic system at this point. I mean, what are they and why do we have them?
Today, I’m talking about the evolutionary derivation of emotions. Why you feel the way you feel. How emotions are meant to motivate us for survival. And what the fuck happens when our personal histories override the experiences of our monkey-ancestors. Cuz, uh, I never stopped and thought about it until Skinner made me.
Key points: emotions, understanding emotions, biology, biological basis of emotion, evolutionary biology, emotional numbing, survival adaptation, behavioral science, research.
Annnnd I no longer trust myself to be in any relationship. October 8th, 2020.
S3E21
So, it’s been a rough relationship past. Now… is it possible to make good decisions? Or am I headed down a narc spiral again?
Key points: relationships, relationship patterns, traumatic relationships, romantic relationships, self-doubt, trauma pattern awareness, codependency, narcissists, human fear, relationship avoidance, attachment.
**** Emotions, Attention, and Cognition. October 10th, 2020.
S3E22
More bad news for all the dissociators out there. Turns out that our ability to pay attention and think about feelings is a whole other game from just letting ourselves have them.
Where does cognition interact with emotion? How do both influence our behaviors? Why aren’t we equipped to deal with any of this emotional processing or – hell – acknowledgement? The answers lie in our socialization.
Key points: disassociation, attention, cognition, emotion, intro to cognitive psychology, social adaptation, socialization, social patterns, basis of emotions, understanding emotions, emotional experience, learning, modeling, family of origin, social psychology, research.
**** How to deal with Emotions. October 21st, 2020.
S3E23
Having emotions, processing them, and letting them go has been a relatively new set of skills in my life. Allowing myself to feel has been nothing short of critical to my CPTSD recovery journey. Even though it seems like the worst thing you can possibly do, you must learn to deal with how you feel to live a functional, organized life with a functional, organized brain. Here are my 100% non-professional tips.
Key points: emotions, emotional experience, emotional numbing, emotional fluctuation, sensitivity, neurobiology, emotional management, self-regulation, accept and release, how-to.
October AMA! October 28th, 2020.
S3E24
Thanks for everyone who submitted a question! It was a fun (and different) exercise for me. I can’t wait to do it again next month! And thank you AGAIN for being a patron. You Fuckers are saving my brain – I couldn’t be more appreciative.
Key points: recovery tools, perspective reframes, trauma brain, self-sufficiency, codependency, relationship changes, victimhood, workaholism, emotional numbing.
Evil step-moms, narc abuse, and ABA recovery with HotMessGuru. October 31st, 2020.
S3E25
The TMFR Discord community is full of smart, recovery-minded Fuckers. One of the sunniest personalities is HotMessGuru, a single mom with a new leash on life since starting her CPTSD recover ~2 years ago. Listen to her early struggles, narcissistic partner drama, and how she turned the whole thing around.
Key points: narcissism, codependent relationships, emotional abuse, family of origin, step-parents, recovery, community, MFs speak, interview.
Anxiety, music, and DIY-living with Brett Newski. November 1st, 2020.
S3E26
Where were you in 2013? Among other things, I was at a house show where I ran into a travelling DIY musician, Brett Newski. Today, I’m reconnecting with the anxiety-inspired songwriter as we talk about bullying, COVID coping, and mental illness catharsis. Hey, even folks with social anxiety can learn to connect with strangers around the globe. Forgive the technical difficulties on this one – you know I’m running on cheapo-quipment.
Key points: finding community, anxiety, depression, mental health support, coping skills, bullying, social anxiety, music, interview.
*** Death of an Abusive Parent. November 12th, 2020.
S3E27
We’re all going to deal with it – the death of our parents. What’s it like when the lost parent was the source of your early life trauma? A confusing conglomerate of sadness, anger, enlightenment, and regret? Oh yeah, that’s the start of it. Let’s throw in some black sheep family dynamics, inner critic rumblings, and fear of your similarly traumatized future. Today, we’re talking generational trauma and complicated remorse.
Key points: loss, grief, estranged parents, family of origin, domestic abuse, addiction, black sheep, inner critic, generational trauma, death.
Unsent Letters | “Dear dad.” November 12th, 2020.
S3E28
Buckle up… it’s an emotional one. Finally following through on a therapy homework assignment I neglected for 2 years; writing a letter to my motherfucking dad. If you’re not ready for tears (mine), keep moving.
Consider this my first unsent letter.
Key points: emotional processing, loss, grief, estranged parents, family of origin, domestic abuse, addiction, black sheep, inner critic, generational trauma.
Thanksgiving Spanksgiving. November 26th, 2020.
S3E29
I hate this holiday, anyone else? Just a quick shoutout to all the black sheep gearing up for some sort of disappointment, alienation, or conflict on this day of gratitude. You’re not the only one.
Key points: Family of origin, holidays, thanksgiving, family coping, coping skills, black sheep, alienation, tribalism, conflict, human fear, human pressure.
*** Memory Processing and Involuntary Recollections. December 2nd, 2020.
S3E30
Back to the science! Ever feel like an amnesiac disaster when you can’t seem to remember a single thing… or, at least, not a single thing that you want to remember? Wonder why your brain seems to have an extra long “buffering” time with new information? Guess what, there’s research on that. Today, we’re talking about memory processing, retrieval, and unwanted recollections.
Key points: memory, involuntary memory, intrusive memory, neurological buffering, neurobiology, processing, research.
Personality changes on Anxiety vs. Depression. December 5th, 2020.
S3E31
Ever feel like you’re about 3 humans rolled into one? Maybe anxiety and depression are to blame, more than your fears of multiple personality disorder is on-point. Today, I’m talking about the vastly different influences of the high and low energy states in my life… and the life-abandoning stagnation that happens when those fuckers collide.
Key points: anxiety, depression, overdrive, stagnation, creativity, oppositional programming, CPTSD symptoms, ADHD, disassociative identity.
“Purpose” and Trauma Healing. December 9th, 2020.
S3E32. Bonus tiers.
TW – it’s another dead dad episode.
Ever wonder why Motherfuckers who learn to deal with their PTSD also seem to have a sense of spirituality and self-direction? It’s not an accident. Today, we’re talking about the function of fate, purpose, and signs in coping and long-term trauma brain management. And, yes, there’s research out of Emory to prove my point.
Key points: loss, estranged parents, death, grief, purpose, healing, recovery, CPTSD management, CPTSD recovery, woo, family of origin, family immersion, siblings, research, my story.
Angry atheist to Woo-wonderer; Belief & C-PTSD recovery. December 9th, 2020.
S3E33
Originally published July 2020, moved for conversation cohesion.
Letting myself consider that there could be more to life than the scientific black-and-white world that I subscribed to was a huge part of my trauma recovery. I wouldn’t still be standing if I hadn’t started dipping a toe into belief systems instead of nihilism. I definitely wouldn’t keep showing up, making new shit for you Fuckers day after day.
Fact of the matter is, I don’t care if you get into “woo” or maintain whatever views you hold. But believing that your life isn’t determined by shitty luck and happenstance might be a missing piece of your lasting recovery. Eh, go find out for yourself – it’s all an experiment, anyways.
Key points: CPTSD recovery, recovery tools, trauma management, purpose, spirit-thing, woo, beliefs.
*** Brain basis of Rumination, Depression, and PTSD. December 14th, 2020.
S3E34
Ever get stuck endlessly cycling through unwanted thoughts? Wonder where rumination ends and your trauma begins? Today, I’m talking about the overlap between ruminatory thought patterns, depression, and PTSD. The research says: they share a similar brain malfunction. I say: there’s one underlying thought current in all my past and present rumination. Maybe recognizing it will help you, too.
Key points: rumination, depression, development of PTSD, shame, guilt, sadness, obsession, obsessive thought, thought patterns, cognitive psychology, research.
*** So you’re having a shit day out of nowhere. December 19th, 2020.
S3E35
What else needs to be said? Even after years of trauma progress, backslides happen. Mental illness pops up when you least expect it. Dark, depressing day and anxious, angry afternoons. And your response? To berate the hell out of yourself? Right. Today, we’re talking about the recovery PTSD management pitfalls that WILL happen, why, and how to deal.
Key points: regression, backslides, recovery obstacles, CPTSD symptoms, anxiety, depression, anger, self-regulation, self-compassion, coping skills, motivation.
Merry Fucking Christmas. December 24th, 2020.
S3E36
It’s that time. Joy to the world? MF right. Have some quick reminders about how to handle the holidays. Plus, the free TMFR tee winner is revealed!
Key points: holidays, christmas, family of origin, coping skills, boundaries, self-protection.
2020 Wrapup. December 27th, 2020.
S3E37
It’s the end of the year, Fuckers. I’m looking at the changes coming for TMFRs in 2021 – surprise, new community coming at you hot – and where we’ve been already.
Key points: community, project purpose, life change, processing, reflection.
December AMA! December 29th, 2020.
S3E38. Bonus tiers.
Is therapy necessary for CPTSD recovery?
Key points: therapy, recovery obstacles, therapist, inner work, self-therapizing.
** Healing Trauma-Brain for 2021. December 31st, 2020.
S3E39
Information is hard for a traumatized brain to process. We tend to carry unintegrated bits of data, which make living a directed life unmanageable. So start the new year on a better foot. Lay 2020 to rest with a few analytical activities to better recognize where you’ve been and who you want to be. You might feel avoidant of the change-oriented reflections – but, uh, isn’t that how you got here in the first place? Yikes.
Key points: processing, integration, neurobiology, memory, cohesive memory, fragmented memory, life change, behavioral change, recovery, how-to.
Season Four
(back to top)
Context: The world is “reopening after COVID.” The aftermath of my dad’s death begins to set in. I officially move home to assist and support (read: slowly crash and burn) among the family. Relationship with my mom undergoes reanalysis as old trauma realizations pop up and a brain gets fucky.
Episode tone: Heavy research masking heavy emotions. Narrowing discussions on specific aspects of real-life with trauma backed up by outside sources.
Episode trends: relationship patterns, recovering with body awareness and behavioral science, fucked up core beliefs, neuroplasticity introductions, disassociative identities, parental realizations, narcissism, vulnerable narcissism, victimhood, emotional manipulation, self-harm, black sheeping, family hierarchies, family obligation, trauma patterns, generational trauma, societal examination, mental heuristics, sexual abuse, gender, sexuality, and covert abuse.
Trailer | Welcome to season four. January 1st, 2021.
S4E0
Key points: the story so far, community, life change, project purpose.
*** What IS C-PTSD; Redux. January 4th, 2021.
S4E1
We’re doing it again! But this time… I’m not just anxiety-talking into space. Here’s an inside look at life on CPTSD – and what’s the difference between PTSD and COMPLEX PTSD, anyways?
Notes: Told ya, we’d revisit this conversation. Several times. The outlook from 2022 continues to get deeper.
Key points: pervasive trauma, childhood trauma, hypervigilance, disassociation, sensitivity, adaptation, depression, anxiety, obsession, defining trauma, PTSD, CPTSD, early CPTSD conversations.
* CPTSD Relationship Patterns. January 8th, 2021.
S4E2
News: when it comes to relationships, I’m dumb! Or, still trying to fill the void left by my early experiences – one or the other. Here’s a look at SOME of the ways I’ve made massive relationship mistakes in my past – from getting drunk on connection to rolling my emotional world into codependency to learned helplessness. Plus, so many musicians.
Key points: relationships, trauma relationships, relationship patterns, codependency, narcissists, narcissistic relationships, narcissistic abuse, caregiving, connection, emotional attachment, trauma bonding.
How to “recover” from C-PTSD. January 12th, 2021.
S4E3
You asked. I’ll share what I can. But realize: 1) whatdoIknow and 2) I use the term “recovery” lightly. Here are the steps that help a trauma life rebuild.
Notes: There’s a lot more to learn at this point. Check seasons 8 and 9 for deeper discussions and processes to accomplish inner and outer work for long term recovery.
Key points: PTSD recovery, rewiring, life change, behavioral change, symptom management, routine, family of origin, emotional management.
Traumatized by Therapy. January 16th, 2021.
S4E4
“It’s not helping as much as it’s hurting. So… do I really need to do this?” Talking about the ways therapy helps and harms, plus, why it’s so goddamn hard to find a trauma-informed mental health professional.
Notes: Hit up season 9 for an ongoing listener story about seeking treatment and finding disappointment, before success.
Key points: therapy, trauma treatment, effective therapy, therapy trauma, misdiagnosis, diagnosis trauma, recovery, life change.
Guest: Cassie, on sexual abuse and overcoming shame. January 20th, 2021.
S4E5
TW: Sexual abuse, incest, and substance abuse.
I’ve always invited TMFRs to radio in with their own accounts of living this trauma life… but faith in ourselves and our voices is lacking. Today, one MF steps up to the plate. Meet Cassie, a brilliant and ambitious PhD student who’s ready to share her complex trauma experience in her own voice. Thank you again to this brave soul, who took the plunge and provided such a raw account of her life after a childhood of abuse.
Key points: sexual abuse, family of origin, shame, dismissal, trauma patterns, generational trauma, achievement, perfectionism, sexuality, gender, human performance, social roles, niche, recovery, life change, community, MFs speak.
Moving for Family Obligation. January 22nd, 2021.
S4E6
The past 3 years of life have been determined by applying behavior analysis to my traumatized life and making big, frightening moves. Annnd it’s time for another one – moving out of Atlanta and into my (gulp) midwestern mom’s house. Talking about scarcity trauma, PTSD-based cohabitating challenges, and the ways my shitty past skews appraisal of the future…. plus, overcoming the challenges of doubting my decisions and living with my triggering mother, so that change is possible. Let’s get midrestless.
Notes: Retrospect is one hellofadrug, I now vehemently disagree with a lot of the things stated in this episode. Trauma patterns are illusionary and what’s familiar feels so comfortable. While I thought I was moving to lessen my load, I now classify this as a move for family obligation.
Key points: family obligation, filial obligation, family re-immersion, chaos, normalized trauma, life change.
Stress-illnesses and the F Word. Fibromyalgia. January 27th, 2021.
S4E7
Exhaustion, unexplained pain, weakness, digestive failures, tension migraines, temperature sensitivity, insomnia, insulin resistance, nausea, cold and flu symptoms… Fibromyalgia. Have you ever looked into all the stress-based ailments that Fibro (FM) encompasses? Yeah, I hadn’t either. Today, we’re talking about Fibromyalgia and all the ways that society hates psychosomatic illness. Plus, IS FM separable from C-PTSD? Hm.
Key points: health failures, health trauma, autoimmune, inflammatory, stress, stress-based illness, fibromyalgia, MAS, MS, biology, the body keeps the score.
** Data-driven trauma management: Pt I (ABA fundamentals). February 2nd, 2021.
S4E8
It’s time. Time to talk about Applied Behavior Analysis and trauma management. Because if you don’t know why your body and brain respond to unknown stimuli in your inner and outer environments, it’s pretty difficult to make a life you feel good about living. And we are master dissociators with trauma-brained programming that we’ve never been calm enough to understand. Here’s how to change that.
Key points: behavioral science, applied behavioral analysis, embodiment, body awareness, emotional monitoring, distress, emotional regulation, integration, inner work, outer work, recovery, routines, immersion therapy, self-research, experiments, avoidance, how-to.
** Data-driven trauma management: Pt II (Distress Tracking). February 4th, 2021.
S4E9
Ready to stop calling yourself “crazy?” In Part I we learned a bit about Applied Behavior Analysis and the application to Trauma recovery. Today, we’re using that information to collect data about ourselves, and beginning to form hypotheses about our old trauma brained tricks using Antecedents, Behaviors, and Consequences. It’s the “Gathering Background Data” portion of this experiment. Buckle up, we’re tracking your distress levels and looking for trends in your living patterns with ABC analyses.
Key points: behavioral science, applied behavioral analysis, embodiment, body awareness, emotional monitoring, distress, emotional regulation, integration, inner work, outer work, recovery, routines, immersion therapy, self-research, experiments, avoidance, how-to.
** Data-driven trauma management: Pt III (Experiments and Retrials). February 8th, 2021.
S4E10
Living with a semblance of personal understanding, continues! We’ve reached the final part of this Applied Behavior Analysis and trauma recovery crossover. You know the concepts, you know how to gather data… now it’s time to run your self-experiments and see how your mental health is affected. We’re talking about changing you behaviors, slowing your reactions to stimuli, and solidifying consequences to finally put an end to those shitty habits you hate. And… maybe finding out that your own mental landscape is the grounds for your “random” trauma responses along the way.
Key points: behavioral science, applied behavioral analysis, embodiment, body awareness, emotional monitoring, distress, emotional regulation, integration, inner work, outer work, recovery, routines, immersion therapy, self-research, experiments, avoidance, how-to.
Friendship Dissolutions. February 15th, 2021.
S4E11
Ever lose, you know, your best friends in a time of trauma responsiveness and spend years ruminating about it? Yeah, well here’s what I can say about my recent return to the skwad. Reflecting on trauma-reactions without reason, how my emotional brain got things twisted, and why I’m reluctant to give up this lone wolf lifestyle, even if friends might be back on the table.
Key points: relationships, trauma relationships, relationship patterns, codependency, boundaries, relationship changes, reforming relationships, constructing support network, accountability, attachment, over-reliance, autonomy.
Guest | Cassie; on Achieving, Education, and Employment after Childhood Trauma. February 27th, 2021.
S4E12
Last time, Cassie relayed her early experience with childhood sexual abuse and shame. Today, she’s back! Talking about quiet defiance leveraged against religious and sexual trauma through educational and professional achievement, refusing to bend to social or gender norms, and doing everything her damn self. One courageous Motherfuckers shares more about her life after Complex Trauma.
Key points: sexual abuse, recovery, shame, religious trauma, deconversion, achievement, perfectionism, gender, sexuality, social psychology, human pressure, recovery, community, MFs speak.
** Core Beliefs. March 4th, 2021.
S4E13
It’s the February Ask Me Anything! How do you spot core beliefs, how do you change them, and how do you know when you’ve cleared the cache? Time to talk about Fucked Up Core Beliefs and all the ways they shape our lives without our permission.
Key points: rewire, beliefs, foundational cognitions, perspective, fucked up core beliefs, life change, behavioral change.
** Fragmented Personality; Intro to Dissociative Identity Disorder. March 8th, 2021.
S4E14
“Who am I and why am I like this?” Dipping a toe into dissociative personalities. What are the proposed mechanisms that lead to a “fragmented self?” Talking about losing ourselves to our trauma adaptations, survival systems, negative detail-obsession and obligations, on repeat. The fracture that takes place when your inherent personality has to be shattered into a million survival-happy pieces to get by.
Key points: disassociation, disassociative identities, fragmented personalities, parts, memory systems, symptoms, emotional fluctuations, memory fragmentation, time distortions, DID, survival, research.
** “Fragmented” Relationships. March 12th, 2021.
S4E15
Expanding on fragmented personality via lessons from Janina Fisher and John Welwood (TMFR recommended authors). One of the ways we make sense of early trauma is black and white, “good or bad,” thinking. Our abusers are good OR bad, but nothing in between. Unfortunately, we have the same corresponding judgements of ourselves in that moment….. and, then, everyone we meet down the road. How does “good vs bad” patterning lead to personality fragmentation, relationship terror, and disordered attachment? How can this perspective be used for healing?
Key points: fragmented personalities, relationships, relationship patterns, traumatic relationships, black and white thinking, attachment, emotional fluctuations, avoidance and overattachment, polarized thinking.
Why do we attract abusers? March 16th, 2021
S4E16
You might not like the answer, but it’s because both parties are comfortably willing. Because we try to form romantic lives based on early CPTSD lessons that set us up for disaster down the road. We have no boundaries, we mistake possession for love, we accept chaos as preferable to peace. And we blame ourselves for every single problem.
Key points: relationship patterns, traumatic relationships, trauma bonding, connection, trauma patterns, boundaries, power dynamics, chaos, codependency, self-condemnation.
“Revert to Draft” | Early signs of narcissism? March 22nd, 2021.
S4E17. Bonus tiers.
Narcissists and emotional abusers… a problem we all seem to have. What if there were early-recognition tactics for spotting dangerous partners before it’s too late (i.e. trauma bond), besides the convoluted term “love bombing?” Talking about the ways unusual language, hot and cold assessments, unspecific promises, and the L word can be early indicators of an unhealthy connection to come. (Run Fucker, Run)
Notes: Take em or leave em, this are just some observations. Also, the cult.ural obsession with “narcissism” needs to end, from this later perspective.
Key points: narcissism, grandiose narcissism, abuse patterns, PTSD personalities, relationship patterns, traumatic relationships, trauma bonding, connection, trauma patterns, boundaries, power dynamics, chaos, codependency, self-condemnation.
CPTSD Romantic Relationship Downfalls, Pt II. March 26th, 2020.
S4E18. Bonus tiers.
Coming back to talk about how my early life continues to shape the things I expect from romantic partners. Something tells me, I’m not the only one. Being hungry for attention, mistaking boundary dismissals for signs of love, mistrusting myself, and giving up all hope – the horsemen of a TMFR looking for healthy relationships.
Key points: relationship patterns, traumatic relationships, trauma bonding, connection, trauma patterns, boundaries, power dynamics, chaos, codependency, self-condemnation.
** Neuroscience of Changing Core Beliefs and Behaviors. April 2nd, 2021.
S4E19
It’s the Ask Me Anything results from March – talking about the specifics of changing your trauma-born core beliefs and behaviors with a neuroscience background approach. Understand what you’re trying to accomplish, reach your goal more efficiently. Here’s how our neural networks are causing so many problems and how to use our trauma physiology (right brain, left brain problems) for good.
Key points: neurobiology, neuroplasticity, rewire, fucked up core beliefs, life change, behavioral change.
* [TW] Personal | Covert Abuse and the Utility of Self-Harm. April 5th, 2021.
S4E20
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. Childhood abuse can come with a lot of overt violence and aggression… or it might be more subtle than that. Years after tackling the obvious trauma, it might be a bit crisis inducing to realize your “safe” parent was the one who affected you the most, all along. Plus, seeing the ways self-harm is born from ‘escaping’ the parent who belittles your existence, not the one who wanted to erase it. Or so I’ve realized in the past few weeks. What’s it like researching and writing about complex trauma from the unsafety of your childhood home? Ha Ha Ha.
Turns out, you might learn some new, life-perspective destroying things. And then get to deal with them in real time as they chase you around the house. This is not a cry for help – just an honest take on living with emotional abuse with language and insight not before available. Don’t make this more embarrassing for me.
Notes: a turning point. From here on out, the relationship with my mother and entire family drastically changed. So did my prior perspective on the layers of (more psychological) early trauma. Fuckle up.
Key points: family of origin, maternal relationship, generational trauma, emotional abuse, covert abuse, family hierarchy, emotional deregulation, destabilization, trauma response, self-harm, maladaptive coping.
* Coping Strategies for Covert Abuse and Black Sheep Syndrome. April 12th, 2021.
S4E21
So that last episode was an unexpected doozy, huh? (Still mortified.) Well, I’m back in Illinois and ready to clear the air with some actual LESSONS from this mess. In the past two weeks, here’s where I’ve been, what I’ve realized, and what my therapist (and a helpful listener) has recommended for continuing to live under the same roof as an emotional abuser. Talkin’ bout practical ways to distance yourself from abuse… when you can’t literally distance yourself. Namely, learn to see yourself as “the adult” and not to give a fuck about these screaming children. In the best way possible.
Key points: black sheep, coping skills, family exile, family hierarchy, family of origin, social tribalism, covert abuse, emotional abuse, self-awareness, self-esteem, trauma patterns, psychological trauma.
Guest | Monica, on Acknowledging and Overcoming Parental Abuse. April 19th, 2021.
S4E22
Taking advantage of an amazing MF who shared her story with me last week. Today, Monica proves her Motherfuckerdom by sharing her tales of growing up with two unhealthy parents, what she’s learned since separating herself, and moving forward in her (is this called “happy?”) life.
Key points: family of origin, narcissistic parents, emotional abuse, domestic abuse, life change, motivation, community MFs speak.
** Stigmatizing Covert Abuse [AKA Beware the Nice Guy]. April 22nd, 2021.
S4E23
You’ve probably realized, abuse is a dirty topic not to happily discussed in the public sphere. Victims are blamed. Cases are dismissed. And perpetrators are enabled. But what’s the point of our ignorance towards domestic abuse? Is there a reason why we tend to limit the scope of “abuse,” blame-shift, and willfully forget? And how does abuser stigma actually perpetuate the thing we hate? We’ve all said it. We’ve all thought it. We’ve all… been cognitively dissonant about it. “But they seem like such a nice guy/gal.” Beware the nice guy. Even if that includes YOURSELF.
Key points: covert abuse, emotional abuse, domestic abuse, relational abuse, stigma, relationships, traumatic relationships, social training, parts, black and white thinking, victim blaming, attribution bias, self-safety, justification, just world, society imparted trauma.
Bite Sized | Stigmatizing Covert Abuse. April 22nd, 2021.
S4E24
Back with a quick, consumable rundown of the full episode on Abuse Stigma. For the complete recording… uh… click again.
You’ve probably realized, abuse is a dirty topic not to happily discussed in the public sphere. Victims are blamed. Cases are dismissed. And perpetrators are enabled. But what’s the point of our ignorance towards domestic abuse? Is there a reason why we tend to limit the scope of “abuse,” blame-shift, and willfully forget? And how does abuser stigma actually perpetuate the thing we hate? We’ve all said it. We’ve all thought it. We’ve all… been cognitively dissonant about it. “But they seem like such a nice guy/gal.” Beware the nice guy. Even if that includes YOURSELF.
Key points: covert abuse, emotional abuse, domestic abuse, relational abuse, stigma, relationships, traumatic relationships, social training, parts, black and white thinking, victim blaming, attribution bias, self-safety, justification, just world, society imparted trauma.
**** Defining Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissists. April 29th, 2021.
S4E25
Have you been convinced that everything about you was “wrong?” Does someone in your life make you feel “off,” in a way that’s anxious, fearful, defeated, and self-doubting? Ever see that the person “helping” actually seemed to make the situation a lot worse? And then… do they bring it up for the next 20 years or so as proof of their merit? Ah, yeah. So my recent realization comes to a head, thanks to some deep dives into Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissist research. How about you? Today, we’re talking about the characteristics of a Covert Narc and the symptoms that may present in YOU, in the aftermath.
Key points: vulnerable narcissism, covert narcissism, relationships, traumatic relationships, victimhood, manipulation, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, maternal relationships, research.
Bite Sized | Defining Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissists. April 29th, 2021.
S4E26
Quick takes from the full episode, ready to consume in one sitting.
Have you been convinced that everything about you was “wrong?” Does someone in your life make you feel… “off,” in a way that’s anxious, fearful, defeated, and self-doubting? Ever see that the person “helping” actually seemed to make the situation a lot worse? And then… do they bring it up for the next 20 years or so as proof of their merit? Ah, yeah. So life comes to a head, thanks to some deep dives into Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissist research. How about you?
Today, we’re talking about the characteristics of a Covert Narc and the symptoms that may present in YOU, in the aftermath.
Key points: vulnerable narcissism, covert narcissism, relationships, traumatic relationships, victimhood, manipulation, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, maternal relationships, research.
** Parent Narcissists and CPTSD. May 5th, 2021.
S4E27
Last time we learned about a new type of Narc; the “Covert” variety… who sound an awful lot like our mothers, collectively. So what happens if you WERE raised by a Narcissist mom, in particular? What are the common characteristics of the relationship? What are the common childhood templates under Narcissistic Abuse? What happens to kids – specifically daughters – in the long run? And how do you deal with someone who doesn’t want to treat you differently?
Key points: parental narcissists, family of origin, generational trauma, vulnerable narcissism, covert narcissism, relationships, traumatic relationships, victimhood, manipulation, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, maternal relationships, critical mother, parenting, research.
Fuck Off Boomers; The Covert Narc Echo Chamber. May, 12th, 2021.
S4E28
Why do so many of our parents have the same unfortunate covert abuse tactics in their front pocket? Why did we grow up with an unhealthy narrative about self-worth and self-accountability? Where did all this narcissistic energy come from, originally? Well, I was going to do a deep dive into the Silent and Boomer generations to let you know, but after the springtime personality disorder uprisings have tried my last nerve… let’s reapproach this episode from a less enabling perspective. One that doesn’t contribute to the abuse echo chamber they’ve popularized in the world they (very practically) ruined. Fuck Off Boomers.
Notes: Blanket statement was made. But I know plenty of wonderful Boomers. Please don’t take offense if you aren’t in alignment with the loudest screamers of this generation, we’re just talking common outcomes of this group’s trauma and the surrounding social environment.
Key points: societal trauma, generational trauma, PTSD adaptations, trauma outcomes, justifications, just world, attribution bias, covert abuse, covert narcissism, emotional abuse, physical abuse, narrative validation, unaccountability, self-protection, dark ego, social psychology.
Season Five
(back to top)
Context: The world is “back to normal again!” And the social pressures / triggers set in, as COVID restrictions roll back. Meanwhile, everything goes wrong on the home front. Mom is on the attack, brothers are channeling our late dad, Archie begins to change in a troubling way.
Episode tone: dark and serious. Perhaps a bit defensive. Snark runs through. Look, when circumstances are “uncontrollable chaos and historical abuse reborn” ya fragment, and the protective parts come out. Big change is underway, including tent-living in my favorite woods.
Episode trends: post-pandemic, human performance, tapdancing for others, boundaries, fragmented personalities (DID, disassociative identities, fractionalized memories, internal family systems, schema theory), neural networks, brain development, science of connection, social animal programming, social learning, syncing, enmeshment, dysregulated parents, parenting styles, fawning, trauma-self, taking back control, animal friends, Archiewheeliepup, tour de life.
Eviction Notice | The End of Complex Trauma Recovery; We are Traumatized Motherfuckers. May 18th, 2021.
S5E0
The beginning of the trauma life end.
Time for our big talk… We need to have a hard conversation about the final days of TMFRs as you know it. But, if you want, we can still be Fucked up Friends.
Notes: Personal share and a background look at the show – home had become a battleground. If you remember the interviews with my mom, her not listening to the podcast was no longer an agreed upon boundary. The bi-weekly backlash became inspiration for moving the stream behind a closed door, and this private stream was pushed out.
And yes, the price for entry used to be lower for the early adopters – I’ve received backlash for this, so let’s put it out in the open. Sorry Oscar.
Key points: covert abuse, maternal relationships, boundaries, projection, privacy, family backlash, “that’s just one perspective,” victimhood, re-empowerment, community, life change.
Welcome to the Fort | Reintegrating Neural Networks [AKA – Fragmented Personalities]. May 19th, 2021.
S5E1
Welp. You made it – both the decision and the effort to be here! Welcome to the trauma fort and I hope you’re comfortable. You know… I haven’t been. And it’s made me dissociate into a very limited version of my full brain capacity. One dominant neural network, or personality part. One that dryly reports on research, lives on an arbitrary timeline, and generally lives in constant terror of anticipated judgement from a faceless crowd with my family’s voices.
And, uh, fuck that. The point of the fort password was to feel safe again. So here we go.
Today, instead of doing more of what I’ve been doing… which has been slowly suffocating most of my brain compartments… I’m giving you a less than perfect recording, discussing the applications of our recent learning about fragmented personalities, neural networks, and integration. Reflecting on the research and detailing the actual functional implications of all this academic learning. Including… how to stop dissociating, Fuckers. It’s ridiculously simple. You’re welcome. [note: do not try without consulting your therapist]
Key points: fragmented, disassociative personalities, depression, neurobiology, parts, recovery, stabilization, processing, trauma personalities, reintegration, how-to, community, life change.
Bonus Nug | Considering Self over Fawning, Perfectionism, and Hypervigilance. May 21st, 2021.
S5E2
Laying the ground for what’s to come…. a lot of extra content from a better environment and mindset. Worse audio today. But who ever said this thing was about being perfect?
Key points: Self, living for others, fawning, social roles, achievement, perfectionism, hypervigilance, obsession, relationship patterns, outer work.
Bonus Nug | “Boundaries” – Reexamining Our Trauma Trap. May 21st, 2021.
S5E3
What do trauma survivors commonly fuck up? Our understanding, appreciation, and acceptance of boundaries. Today, we’re coming at you with the original Motherfucking recording spirit… unscripted, imperfect and honest talk from my natural trauma recovery environment. The place where I’ve been bonus-episoding all over the Patreon Blank Fort. The woods. Put in your headphones and let’s take a walk.
Key points: relationship boundaries, understanding boundaries, room for recovery, safe distance, time space and energy, brain patterns, mental hijacking, maternal relationships.
Post-Pandemic Wilds (Anxiety-Depression-Obsession-Deintegration). May 22nd, 2021.
S5E4
So everything changed in the past month. In the aftermath, we’re feeling a bit wild, huh? Up, down, obsessed, depressed, overloaded, anxious, excited, and dreadful. What’s going on with the internal chaos, and what can we do to reintegrate our ideas of life before, during, and after a global health catastrophe?
Key points: “post-covid,” social transition, human fear, human pressure, obligation, fawning, overwhelm, re-immersion, relationships, relational trauma, human triggers, human performance, societal gaslighting, processing, reintegration.
Bonus Nug | The Fallacy of “doing our best.” May 23rd, 2021.
S5E5
Am I tho? Let’s take another look at what that phrase really means when you’ve been trained by narcs.
Key points: Self, living for others, fawning, social roles, achievement, perfectionism, hypervigilance, obsession, relationship patterns, outer work, narcissism, maternal relationships, critical parents.
‘
Bonus Nug | Impressing Her, not Mysel(ves). May 23rd, 2021.
S5E6
Sometimes it’s the simple thoughts that change your approach to torturing yourself for someone else. Talking life on CovNarc expectation and never being satisfied living for someone else.
Key points: Self, living for others, fawning, social roles, achievement, perfectionism, hypervigilance, obsession, relationship patterns, outer work, narcissism, maternal relationships, critical parents.
**** Neurological Basis of Fragmented Personalities (Your Trauma Life on Survival Neural Networks). May 26th, 2021.
S5E7
BACK TO RESEARCH! So we know how trauma works – but how does it impact our brain structures to elicit semi-rigid trauma reactions that are intricate enough to be considered full “personalities?” Today, we’re talking neural networks, Schema Theory, and Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher. If you’ve been wondering why you keep failing at trauma recovery, you might want to tell your Git Shit Done self to listen up.
Key points: memory, fragmented memories, disassociative personalities, schema theory, fragmented self, CPTSD brain developments, adaptation, coping, self-protection, shame, emotional fluctuations, behavioral change, defining personality, identity, cohesive memory, trauma recovery, parts, disassociation, neural networks, neurobiology, research.
BS | Neurological Basis of Fragmented Personalities (Your Trauma Life = Survival Neural Networks), May 24th, 2021.
S5E8
The short n sweet version of the full research post.
Key points: memory, fragmented memories, disassociative personalities, schema theory, fragmented self, CPTSD brain developments, BPD, adaptation, coping, self-protection, shame, emotional fluctuations, behavioral change, defining personality, identity, cohesive memory, trauma recovery, parts, disassociation, neural networks, neurobiology, research.
***** Fragmented Personalities; Common Presentations (Your Life Destruction, Explained). June 2nd, 2021
S5E9
So we’ve talked endlessly about HOW neural networks (fragmented personalities) develop through trauma on a biological basis. Today, we’re talking about how that looks from the outside, per Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by trauma specialist Janina Fisher. Discussing common oppositional lifestyle patterns, nervous system disruptions, and histories of therapeutic failures.
Key points: disassociation symptoms, DID experience, PTSD outcomes, ineffective therapy, chronic PTSD, BPD, memory, fragmented memories, disassociative personalities, schema theory, fragmented self, self-protection, shame, emotional fluctuations, behavioral change, defining personality, identity, cohesive memory, trauma recovery, parts, disassociation, neural networks, neurobiology, research.
BS | Common Presentations of Fragmented Personalities (Your Life Destruction, Explained). June 2nd, 2021
S5E10
This is the summary version of the full-length episode!
Key points: disassociation symptoms, DID experience, PTSD outcomes, ineffective therapy, chronic PTSD, BPD, memory, fragmented memories, disassociative personalities, schema theory, fragmented self, self-protection, shame, emotional fluctuations, behavioral change, defining personality, identity, cohesive memory, trauma recovery, parts, neural networks, neurobiology, research.
Bonus May AMA | “How’d you use ABA to realize your VulNarc parent?” June 4th, 2021.
S5E11. Bonus tiers.
It’s a long story, starting with ABA, moving through parts theory, and ending at “holy fuck, my whole life has been shaped by emotional shaming and manipulation.” So how’s your springtime been?
Key points: behavioral science, applied behavioral analysis, body awareness, parts, disintegration, destabilization, trauma realizations, layers of generational trauma, covert abuse, critical mother, fawning, hypervigilance, vulnerable narcissism, mother relationships.
***** Fragmented Personalities; Implications and Life-Declusterfucking Applications. June 9th, 2021.
S5E12
So we’ve covered the signs. We’ve covered the scientific “how.” Now… what the fuck to do about our trauma-programmed personalities? What else do we need to understand about our dissociative neural networks, what common trauma-life complaints do they cause, and how can we work with them? How do all our common trauma complaints… kindof come down to easily activated and signal-amplifying neural networks?
Hell, how can we hijack them for our own purposes? Also… how do pets have anything to do with parts therapy? I’ve got a lot of thoughts and not enough time. Let’s talk implications, round I.
Key points: disassociation and treatment, DID experience, PTSD outcomes, effective therapy, chronic PTSD, BPD, memory, fragmented memories, disassociative personalities, schema theory, fragmented self, self-integration, shame, cohesive memory, trauma recovery, parts, neural networks, neurobiology, research.
*** Listener Experiences | Dissociative Personalities (Fragmented Neural Networks) of Motherfuckers. June 15th, 2021.
S5E13
Enough of my mouth-running. Other folks know the practical effects of this issue more deeply than I do – I just named my first part like a month ago. Let’s hear what a whole bunch of Fuckers have to say about identifying, working with, and reintegrating their neural branches.
Key points: disassociative personalities, parts, DID, disassociative experience, MFs speak, community.
Vulnera-Bit | It’s a Vulnerable Narc Update! June 18th, 2021.
S5E14. Bonus tiers.
Hey, been a while since we really rapped. Fuckit, I’ve finally got words for some of these springtime parenting experiences… there’s my Narc educational reflections, first of all. And then the words that just blew me away. When improving self for people who you “love” is “too much work,” what option is left?
Answer: “NC”
Key points: no contact, inner work, outer work, vulnerable narcissism, rigid relationships, family patterns, family of origin, Boomer shit.
Vulnera-Bit | Trimming the Family Tree for Re-Programming Relationship Pitfalls. June 18th, 2021.
S5E15
You know what sucks? Our families. But, specifically, the ways that their brains have impacted ours – all the way down to the ways we try (and fail) to have stable relationships. Today, taking a venting approach to examining the fucked up trauma brain procedures that my family has imparted and adhered to. Making a case for pruning the family tree, to prune your neural connections, to unlearn all your shitty habits, to save your own self.
Key points: no contact, healing, recovery, self-protection, relationships in recovery, family patterns, psychological abuse, neuropsychology.
End of A Toxic Romantic Relationship. June 20th, 2021.
S5E16. Bonus tiers.
Hey, want to hear me realizing the “lost cause” of my toxic relationship? You know, the one that changed my life and started a MF trauma community. Also, the one that’s creepily like living with my mother? Mhmm… found in a journal post from a time when I had no idea what I was saying – April 30th, 2019. The next day? I left with two bags and never went back.
A MF was born.
Key points: relational abuse, covert abuse, narcissistic abuse, relationship patterns, abuse patterns, family of origin, cyclical abuse, toxic relationships, sense of normalcy.
***** Lifelong Neurological Effects of Early Parental Relationships. June 23rd, 2021.
S5E17
How do the four basic parenting types – plus the Narc parenting variant known as “affectionless control” – play out? How do they relate to generational trauma? Talking about the mental terror that overtakes baby brains from dissociation onwards, alters their development on a cellular level, and contributes to a full lifetime of inappropriate responses to internal and external stimulation. You might know it as “the next 80 years of your life on trauma brain.”
It’s a dense and heavy episode, that we all need to hear.
Key points: brain development, early connection, social animal biology, neurobiology, learned behaviors, natal disassociation, parenting styles, emotional regulation, role-reversal, affectionless control, research.
***** Connection Addicts: The Science of Your Fucked Up Relationships. June 23rd, 2021.
S5E18
“What is this ‘connection’ thing that pulls me in and maintains horrible relationships?” Today we’re talking about the damning effects of synchrony and emotional contagion… Especially when you come from an unhealthy family. Experience-dependent learning starts at day one, and so does your biological drive for similar neurons firing at similar times.
So, what codependent brain programs did you learn to mirror, who do you think you naturally “neurally connect” with, and how do you get stuck in bad relationships when you “sync” to avoid discomfort, Motherfuckers?
Key points: science of connection, synchrony, enmeshment, emotional contagion, fawning, social learning, neurobiology, biological resources, brain programs, emotional syncing, cognitive syncing, evolutionary biology, research.
**** Family Brain Hijinks (Pt III of Brain Patterning Series). June 24th, 2021.
S5E19
Well, if the past few episodes haven’t been damning enough… today we’re talking about the generational trauma indoctrination, abusee role-acceptance, and mental abuse tactics that come pre-programmed in our connection-hungry little brains. Not to mention, the explanation for black sheep syndrome, the role of boundaries, and the ways we can finally stop being our families’ brain puppets: going Limited and No Contact.
Key points: brain development, science of connection, black sheep tactic, boundaries revisited, no contact, limited contact, family of origin, social animal biology, fawning, social learning, free will, neurobiology, evolutionary biology, research.
Workbook| Family Brain Hijinks. June 24th, 2021.
S5E20. Bonus tier.
Today, in the first ever Application post, I’m giving you two ideas for noticing the effects of the Family Brain Patterning series in your own life/brain. What neural connections actually are YOU, and what’re remnants of several generations of traumatized thinking? Be warned… will cause distress and drama.
Key points: brain development, science of connection, black sheep tactic, boundaries revisited, no contact, limited contact, family of origin, social animal biology, fawning, social learning, free will, neurobiology, evolutionary biology, research, life change, rewire, how-to.
Bonus Nug | Reddit Post: “Mirroring Narcissist Parents.” June 26th, 2021.
S5E21. Bonus tiers.
Oh man, say what you will about NarcissistParents on Reddit, but this thread has it ALL. Everything we’ve been talking about this spring, from recognition of narc parents and personal narc habits, their common traits, and neural reprogramming through the power of going No-Contact. It’s a different kind of episode, and I hope you’re ready to reflect on reddit.
Key points: narcissistic parents, family patterns, family of origin, no contact.
AMA | Going NC/LC, Managing Brain Overload, and “Aged” Personality Parts. June 30th, 2021.
S5E22. Bonus tiers.
Today, answering questions about going Limited- and No- Contact with Narcissists, how to handle massive life changes that comes with massive shutdowns, and how some of our personality “parts” might appear older than we are.
Key points: no contact, narcissistic families, overwhelm, initial parts development.
Guest Grace; Narc Parents, Quests for Love, and Reconsidering Life. July 3rd, 2021.
S5E23
I don’t even want to butcher this story. Just tune in and hear the story of this amazing MF finding her way through the world, through love, and through fawning behavior to all. And then… wondering if any of it was what she really wanted. TBD MFs.
Key points: recovery, understanding love, fawning, self-sabotage, martyrdom, motivation, MFs speak, community.
Guest Host Leanne | Trauma Tools for Other Hurdles. July 10th, 2021.
S5E24
Who needs a little help processing from time to time? (raises hand) Let’s hear how a fellow Fucker deals.
Key points: processing, brain functions, overwhelm, how-to, tools, MFs speak, community.
*** YOU v. YER BRAIN. July 14th, 2021.
S5E25
We’ve been talking tiny details – TODAY, going the opposite route. Laying out BIG picture concepts for rethinking your entire existence so far, and having more control over your brain every day into the future. Let’s cement a line in the sand about who YOU are, versus your BRAIN, versus your automated meat jump suit. It’s the brain-conceptualizations that have saved my soul (or… whatever this thing is). A way to start studying your thoughts and emotions without fear of how they depreciate your value on the planet.
Key points: brain development, perception, reality, perspective, neural structures, neural development, programming, social learning, relationship to brain, biology, yerstupidfuckingbrain, self-concept, reframe.
*** YOU v. BRAIN v. PROGRAMMING pt II. July 14th, 2021.
S5E26
Ready to conceptualize the terrible brain programs you’re accidentally running each day? How’d they get there, how can we rethink them instead of accepting them, and how can we redirect them? Talking family patterns, distraction, indecision, ADD, hypervigilance, trauma, and PTSD fog all in one.
Key points: cognitive programming, brain development, neural structures, neural development, programming, social learning, relationship patterns, trauma adaptations, mental fog, relationship to brain, biology, yerstupidfuckingbrain, self-concept, reframe.
Workbook| YOU v. BRAIN Neural Network Reprogramming. July 14th, 2021.
S5E27. Bonus tiers.
So you’ve got neural branches and limbs forming diverse networks in your head that control your thoughts and emotions. When your head is a living nightmare… how can you start to understand the neural structures that are defining the your shitty lifelong experience? MF’s got a few ideas.
Key points: neural networks, rewiring, brain development, perception, reality, perspective, neural structures, neural development, programming, social learning, relationship to brain, biology, yerstupidfuckingbrain, self-concept, reframe, recovery, how-to.
Bonus Guest Post | Fawning & Social Triggers. July 16th, 2021.
S5E28
Relational trauma has been a doozy lately, amiright? Yep, well wait until your new MF friend spits about her recent experience with a mutual-CPTSD friendship. Because oh boy, I think the recent dive into “human relations” has been a lot for everyone. When we trigger each other, times get bumpy. When we start wondering if lifelong isolation is cumulatively the best option, times get… traumatizing.
Key points: fawning, human pressure, human fear, obligation, relationship triggers, relational trauma, social anxiety, social triggers, relationships, community, MFs speak.
Guest Host | Monsters in the Shadows. July 24th, 2021.
S5E29
Who’s ready to hear about some radical self-exploration and acceptance? This MF is an incredible example of noticing, naming, and releasing the patterns in ourselves that we’re not the happiest about. The things that dear old dad taught us, in a lot of cases. Ready to hear about some parts that come with shadows?
Key points: recovery, self-discovery, self-awareness, self-acceptance, hard parts, patterns, family of origin, trauma shadows, survival adaptations, social learning, narcissistic parents, community, MFs speak.
Supplement: What’s Fawning? July, 27th, 2021.
S5E30
Before we dive into a loooong episode on enmeshment, codependency, boundaries, and the ways that we’re brain-patterned not to understand any of the above… let’s talk about one of the big portions of the discussion that often gets overlooked. What the fuck IS fawning? Answer: Way more mental health-hijacking than you think.
Key points: F responses, survival behaviors, behavioral patterns, enmeshment, trauma relationship patterns.
** Fawning, Enmeshment, Relational Triggers (What is CPTSD, Alex). July 27th, 2021.
S5E31
As CPTSD trainees, we’re programmed to give a lot of our energy to others. A lot of access to our brains, too. So what happens in life when you’re pre-emptively influenced by the thoughts, feelings, and desires of everyone else instead of your own? When fawning, fronting, and worrying becomes your relationship style, what are the long term effects on a brain?
Key points: abuse, boundaries, codependency, defeat, emotional entanglement, enmeshment, fawning, generational trauma, historical learning, inner critics, relationships, friend triggers, parent relationships. All the fawning fuckery you could dream.
Workbook | Fuck Fawning. July 31st, 2021.
S5E32. Bonus tiers.
So, how can we start to notice the breadth and depth of fawning responses in our lives? Is there a way to pump the brakes on our programmed servitude to others? And what can we plan for when we give them the ole extinction procedure on their expected abuse acceptance?
Key points: behavioral science, fawning, rewire, behavioral change, self-empowerment, autonomy, emotional boundaries, how-to.
** Progress Halted: Your Trauma-Self. August 11th, 2021.
S5E33
Time to have a rough talk. Ever meet someone who seemed strangely “rooted” in their trauma, from a personally obstinate place? As in, they don’t seem to WANT to believe that they can feel better, live better, expect better? Ever feel like… you might have a little piece of that inside yourself? Well buckle up, because we all do. It’s time to learn about someone we accidentally embody, who shuts down our ability to be any other way. It’s time to talk about the Trauma-Self.
Key points: trauma-self, traumatized identity, trauma personality, fragmented self, learned helplessness, victimhood, stagnation, avoidance.
BS | Intro to Trauma Self. August 11th, 2021.
S5E34
This is the introduction to the Full 1.25hr Research Episode. Time to have a rough talk. Ever meet someone who seemed strangely “rooted” in their trauma, from a personally obstinate place? As in, they don’t seem to WANT to believe that they can feel better, live better, expect better? Ever feel like… you might have a little piece of that inside yourself? Well buckle up, because we all do. It’s time to learn about someone we accidentally embody, who shuts down our ability to be any other way. It’s time to talk about the Trauma-Self.
Key points: trauma-self, traumatized identity, trauma personality, fragmented self, learned helplessness, victimhood, stagnation, avoidance.
Workbook | Find yer Trauma-Self. August 14th, 2021.
S5E35. Bonus tiers.
Who’s ready to pinpoint their trauma-self narratives? Yeah, no one. I know.
Key points: trauma-self, traumatized identity, trauma personality, fragmented self, learned helplessness, victimhood, stagnation, avoidance how-to.
* Trauma-Personal | Archie Update. August 14th, 2021.
S5E36
Heads up, emotional. If you’re already feeling too many feelings, uh, probably don’t listen.Let’s talk about what’s happening over here with our official TMFR mascot; Archie takes a turn.
Key points: grief, loss, community, animal friends, Archiewheeliepup.
Shit Relationships Part I. August 17th, 2021.
S5E37
So we allllll wonder, “Why do I end up with people who abuse me and relationships that sink me?”
Answer: How long’ve you got for this discussion?
Today, casually talking: The danger of “connection,” the brain reprogramming outcome of infatuation, the role of parts activation in attachment, automatic early patterning re-enactments…. how we all need to start seeing “expectations” as wildly unhealthy, if not outright mental abuse.
Key points: romantic relationships, relationship patterns, the danger of connection, infatuation, obsession, parts, automatic behaviors, expectations, human pressure, boundaries, fawning, relationship outcomes.
BONUS Expectations: Buy the Right Car in the First Place. August 22nd, 2021.
S5E38 Bonus tiers.
Mushbrain makes words hard. Let’s just rap for another minute or 20 about relationships, standards, expectations… and do a mini exercise.
Key points: relationships, romantic relationships, expectations, standards, boundaries, autonomy.
Rerelease | Archie As a Metaphor. August 27th, 2021.
S5E39
Born “different.” Overcoming challenges that “normal” species members don’t even notice. Constantly falling on his face. Flailing. Sometimes, freezing up with overstimulation. But always getting up and trying again. Today, I’m talking about my wheeliepup Archie… As a metaphor. How does one wobbly dog exemplify the struggles of Complex Trauma? Or am I finally losing it as we stumble around the yard every day?
Key points: meet Archiewheeliepup, neurobiology, rewire, brain development, cerebellar hypoplasia, animal friends, caregiving, perspective reframe.
* Personal | No Contact 2021 And Always Hail Archie. August 31st, 2021.
S5E40
You know those times in life when everything abruptly changes, and it’s tragic and beautiful all at once? Take some of mine. instagram.com/archiewheeliepup to see his life journey. Tear warning.
Key points: life of a champion, grief, loss, animal friends, animal trauma, Archiewheeliepup, no contact, tent living, refinding Self, spiritual shit, life change.
Season Six
(back to top)
Context: The tour de life ends, Archiewheeliepup has moved on, and life changes in every way. Abruptly living at a favorite local campground so the daily screaming will stop, this guy (ng’d) podcasts and continues school from the woods instead of the war house. Grief, unpredictable events, and rapid situational change make a brain question what’s real, being alone in the trees for two months can exacerbate that effect. But still, living out there was one of my favorite times in life. Deeply spiritual and self-sufficient. Til winter came, and life changed again.
Episode tone: Focused on refinding your Self and redirecting life course to embody that human… transitions into understanding trauma neurobiology and working with your brain functions. Personally, grieving. Some emotional episodes come out alongside the research.
Episode trends: Self, empowerment, life change, values, self-concept, neurobiology, brain functions, biological resource limitations, rapid change, lone wolfing it, going no contact, family of origin, depersonalization, derealization, relationships, environmental triggers, emotional protection, attachment, brain management, rewiring.
* Homelessness > Abuse | When Your Self Says “No More.” September 3rd, 2021.
S6E0
Let’s talk a personally-based mashup of dissociation under abuse, depersonalization, and being driven to make big changes when the “loss of self” becomes indisputable, the anger aligns, and your dog’s life is the final motivator to reconnect with who you forgot you were all along. It’s the car / camp life, as a result of saying “I’m real, and I’m really not doing this anymore.”
Key points: family of origin, emotional abuse, loss of self, derealization, depersonalization, awareness of self, disassociation, recenter, self-empowerment, rewire, reintegrate, tent living, values, life change.
Emotional Dissociation | Depersonalization. September 3rd, 2021.
S6E1
Ever wonder where your feelings went? Yeah, well, we all do. But ever wonder if you really exist at all? Intense stress will do that to you, from your emotions to your mental faculties, and finally all the way down to your attachment to your own life. Let’s talk about the super common process of disintegrating so wholly, you doubt your own experiences.
Key points: depersonalization, derealization, detachment, disassociation, fragmentation, sense of reality, long-term stress, abrupt change, disintegration, tent living, refinding Self.
** Re-ssociate. Re-find Your “Self” and Reclaim Your Life. September 10th, 2021.
S6E2
So you forgot you exist in your own life, huh? Maybe you’ve been numb for a minute. Maybe your crutches have become wheels. How do you break out of the mental/emotional disconnection and restart your will to live – for your self. I got tips. You know the deal – take these ideas or leave them. Always consult with your therapist before you dive into the deep end.
Key points: derealization, depersonalization, loss of self, awareness of self, disassociation, recenter, self-empowerment, rewire, reintegrate, tent living.
Apply It | Repersonalization Pt II – A New Life for Your SELF. September 14th, 2021.
S6E3
So we dove down and reconnected with the fact that we’re real, actual, autonomous animals on this planet last time. We got in touch with the awareness of “Self” that’s always been here and always will be. Now what? Let’s strengthen your continuous identity, put hard times into context, and start figuring out how to live the way we actually always wanted. Spoilers: It’s going to take everything you’ve got. Better to live trying than die waiting for something to happen.
Key points: derealization, depersonalization, loss of self, awareness of self, disassociation, recenter, self-empowerment, rewire, reintegrate, tent living, reorient, remember who you are, values, how-to.
The Brain Basis of Abusive Relationships on Repeat. September 23rd, 2021.
S6E4
So why are all of your romantic (and otherwise) relationships chronically abusive? Especially when you’re soooo dead set on breaking the chain? Is it as simple as “accepting and perpetrating abuse because mom and dad demonstrated violence?” Today, let’s talk about the actual brain patterning problems at play. What’s going on in our heads that makes abuse seem both “normal” and “correct,” especially when we live in a society that echoes all the same narratives and the fallacy of “security” plays up our continual terror states.
Key points: oppositional programming, the abuser-abusee axis, energetic control, tit-for-tat agreements, and the manipulative power of offering security, relationships, relationship patterns, neurobiology, behavioral science, normalcy, abuse, cyclical abuse.
Spot Cyclical Abuse Patterns. September 30th, 2021.
S6E5
Let’s talk about pinpointing the trends in our romantic lives, by using our internal monitoring systems to notice the patterns IN US that have carried through multiple relationships. Talking energetic, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral shifts… as well as resentment/comfort dualities.
Key points: oppositional programming, the abuser-abusee axis, energetic control, tit-for-tat agreements, and the manipulative power of offering security, relationships, relationship patterns, neurobiology, behavioral science, normalcy, abuse, cyclical abuse, how-to.
Bonus | Re-wiring Doomsdaying / Panic Programming. October 1st, 2021.
S6E6. Bonus tiers.
Sorry for the switch in plans – sometimes a Motherfucker’s computer breaks, so does the car-house, and everything goes to freck. But here we are, reflecting on how surprisingly calm the day went, nevertheless. No panic attack. No anxiety, anger, agitation. No shame spirals. Let’s talk about THAT little change of pace, as it’s rooted in the brain. Let’s work on changing our automatic programming from “doom” to “eh, you’re going to do what you’ve gotta do.”
Key points: anxiety management, trauma reaction, emotional management, trauma brain, abrupt change, adaptation, healthy coping, rewire, tent living, recovery success.
Cassie, on Gender and Sexuality as a TMFR. October 8th, 2021.
S6E7
THANK GOD, this asshole is about to shuttup and hand over the mic. Today, let’s hear from our good friend Cassie, who has endless insight to offer. Let’s dig into her take on gender, sexuality, and finding her identity – or, as she titled the recording, “GAYYYYY.”
Key points: gender, sexuality, identity, dismissal, shame, religious trauma, indoctrination, deconversion, Self, authentic self, empowerment, motivation, community, MFs speak.
Just a Chat. Seasonal Triggers, Going No Contact and Reclaiming Your Brain (Life). October 13th, 2021.
S6E8. Bonus tiers.
Ever feel like you’re not allowed to be yourself? Like your words aren’t valid? Like your only utility is performing for others? And all the rest is “N/A?”Yeah… So, as you might guess, mental health podcasting got to be a hard effort after being immersed in my Family of Origin for a year. But with a solid month of “no contact” comes the re-mergence of access to your own thoughts and feelings again. Fucking fancy.
Key points: cognitive-emotional changes, visceral memory, seasonal changes, environmental triggers, trauma-complicated relationships with routines, YOUR best grounding habits, dissociative identity resources, relationships, dating on trauma brain.
Sarah’s Episode | On Grooming, Narc Magnetism, and Coming to Terms with “Trauma Comparison.” October 20th, 2021.
S6E9
Sarah’s Series of Unfortunate Events. Sarah: Age 24, College Student, Cat Savior, COVID Survivor, Narcissistic Abuse Recoverer, Victim of Grooming, Brave-ass Motherfucker.
A disruptive early family life opens the door to predatory relations… and then what? Ten years of healing, realizations of the early neglect that set the stage for later abuse, and challenges with emotional, sexual, and social relations. Now this BA is talking about letting go of self-blame, working through psychiatry and therapy, and accepting that “relative trauma” can’t be compared.
Key points: narcissistic abuse, relationships, romantic relationships, sexual abuse, shame, self-blame, psychiatry, effective therapy, ineffective therapy, grooming, community, MFs speak.
Personal | DECATHECT; Anxious-turns-Avoidant Attachment. October 24th, 2021.
S6E10
Let’s talk about the emotional detachment self-preservation tactic known as “Decathecting.” You might know it as abandonment, ghosting, or relational deactivation. Throw in some black and white thinking, and we’ve got a pretty standard CPTSD talk going on here. Even if it’s being filtered through my (obvious) romantic mistakes.
So what happened? How does connection-overestimation and premature life-integration set you up for failure? How does Narc energy play into it? And when did “Parts” get all involved?
Key points: emotional protection, relationships, relationship trauma, survival responses, deactivation, decathect, emotional numbing, disconnection, abandonment, self-protection, avoidance, anxious attachment, black and white thinking, trauma patterns.
Reprogramming “Attachment Styles.” November 2nd, 2021.
S6E11
We know, we know…. Anxious or avoidant, early learning calls all the shots. Or does it? Is attachment style a lifelong trait? A characteristic you can’t shake? Or should we see attachment as an opposing set of default brain instructions?
We’re talking about “favorite neural patterns,” compounding environmental filters, and the most evolutionarily-pleasing ways of engaging with others acting as perpetual reinforcement. A much different view on the “attachment talk.” Let’s take an academic journal article and discuss implications for your relationships. Plus, what it means about building better ones in the future.
Key points: relationships, relationship patterns, attachment style, avoidant, anxious attachment, brain programming, oppositional thinking, reinforcement, social learning, human pressure, rewire, healthy relationships, research.
Guest MF | HEALTHY Relationships on CPTSD and Kink for Healing with Incanthatus. November 9th, 2021.
S6E12
Ready for a less depressing outlook on relationships after trauma? Well, it exists, but it comes from the other side of the world.
Today, our good friend Incanthatus gives us the two-sided account of how to have a healing relationship – all parts of the internal system included. Through open communication, attention to family brain patterning, and nontraditional dynamics, hear how this MF and their partner, Black, have managed to create a functional trauma-informed relationship. Hint, it includes a bit of kink.
Key points: parts, alters, relationships, healthy relationships, shame, punishment, brain patterning, internal systems, kink, relationships that work, communicating about trauma, nontraditional relationships, community, MFs speak.
“Closure” of Background Brain Processes. November 17th, 2021.
S6E13
Living in a thick, engulfing cloud of exhaustion, thought jumble, mental or emotional obsession. Realizing that something is bothering your brain, with half-processed coding creating other operating system errors. But not knowing what it is, or not knowing how to resolve it.
So, what if there was a better way? How do you get… what they call… “closure”? And get your brain back under full control of the task manager? Let’s talk about a possible framework for forcing thoughts to be resolved. Ending rumination, energetic drains, and emotional uprisings by working with your neurobiology.
Key points: rumination, ending obsession, processing, neuropsychology, emotional reactions, executive functioning, foggy brain, overwhelm, memory backlog, animal friends, how-to.
Family Holiday Survival (2021). November 22nd, 2021.
S6E14
HERE WE FUCKING GO. Who’s ready to kickoff the season of family shitshows? Before you get your brain destroyed by the people who are supposed to care about you the most, TMFRs is here to help you remember a few important things about what their actions really mean and how you can choose to “opt out” of the emotional hangover.
Key points: holiday survival, thanksgiving, family of origin, black sheep, scapegoating, tribalism, in-group, no contact, limited contact, generational trauma, self-protection, boundaries, family hierarchy, guilt, shame, expectation, parental relationships.
Long-term Recovery; Your “Self” Circuit. November 24th, 2021.
S6E15
So we talk an awful lot about the “key” to managing this lifelong battle of You vs. Bad Brains. Problem being… we’re great at short bursts of success, but not so skilled at the consistently managing our negative thoughts and feelings over time.
The missing piece? The top-down and bottom-up brain management system that we need to shut out shitty re-appraisals of our every move, thought, feeling and memory. Especially those life-shaking doubts imparted by others.
Key points: long term recovery, top-down and bottom-up influences, Self, self-concept, stability, emotional management, cognitive control, consistency, internal systems.
I. Working WITH Brain Limitations; Early Info. December 9th, 2021.
S6E19
Let’s stop battling, belittling, and berating our brains… Let’s start understanding how biology sometimes limits our abilities to access lofty, high-level human behaviors… And let’s figure out ways to work with our neural priorities, instead of thrashing against them.
In this episode, we have Part I; The broad and shallow neuro-functional concepts intended to start leading your learning into deeper details and kickstarting your own brain-reflections on how this knowledge relates to real life / real life recovery.
Key points: biology, neurobiology, brain functions, processing, biological resources, high-level brain functions, executive functioning, order of operations, cost of having a human brain, better operations.
II. Working WITH Trauma-Brain; Order of Trauma-Processing. December 14th, 2021
S6E20
In this episode, we have Part II; the neurological details that easily explain the logical flow of trauma processing and recovery stages. Wonder why you get “stuck” in emotional places? Why your brain is sometimes defiantly blank? Why there are days that “human activities” aren’t on the table? There are neuro-evolutionarily-necessary reasons.
And therefore, there are better ways than fighting a losing battle against your own brain biology. Understand what it’s trying to do, let it guide your trauma processing with less self-brutalization and fear.
Key points: biology, neurobiology, brain functions, processing, biological resources, high-level brain functions, executive functioning, order of operations, cost of having a human brain, better operations, research.
III. Working WITH Trauma Brain; Implications of Understanding Processing Priorities. December 16th, 2021.
S6E21
Today, we’re talking about the real life implications of this academic information. Because psych-biology isn’t helpful unless its applicable. Let’s reflect on what we learned in the past two episode, drawing larger concepts and brain-instructional-systems from all the details… in the name of better understanding how to work with your Self, your emotions, your trauma brain, and other survival-reactive beings.
Key points: biology, neurobiology, brain functions, processing, biological resources, high-level brain functions, executive functioning, order of operations, cost of having a human brain, better operations, trauma brain, how-to.
IV. Tips, Tricks, and Exercises for Control of Brain Processes. December 20th, 2021.
S6E22
PTSD is synonymous with “bad brain function.” We get lost in the weeds more often than not, lagging with slow processors working with disjointed information. But, now we know how brains prefer to operate – from the animal functions, upwards to the fancy regulatory ones. So… How do we work with what we’ve been learning? What can we do to help our brains stay clean every day?
Key points: biology, neurobiology, brain functions, processing, biological resources, high-level brain functions, executive functioning, order of operations, cost of having a human brain, better operations, trauma brain, how-to.
(MF Holidays 2021) | Managing “Reactivity.” December 21st, 2021.
S6E23
So, we’ve covered a lot of brain activity lately. Now let’s see those concepts in action – through the lens of a common trauma problem, “Reactivity.” Here’s a simplified 5R hierarchy of brain responses, explaining some of your “not the best” moments in life… and the family of origin (FOOs) you might be dealing with any day now.
Reflex, Reaction, Reckoning, Regaining Control, Reconsolidation
Happy Holidays, and don’t let those reactions get the best of you (if your higher-level brain has the energy to help it).
Key points: brain functions, order of operations, reactivity, family of origin, human triggers, survival parts, learned responses, neurobiology, holiday special.
Exercise Force Yer Brain Processing, Bottom-Up. December 26th, 2021.
S6E24
How do we make some of these processing events take place, in line with the hierarchy of how your brain wants to expend energy, anyways? Welp, first of all, we can take a bottom-up, emotionally-driven approach. Can we streamline the way most of us get stalled out and stuck with “half baked” memories?
Yes. It’s effective, but you probably aren’t going to like it.
Notes: Never do any exercise without consulting your therapist and your Self for safety.
Key points: emotional processing, memory processing, reconsolidation, Self, foggy brain, trauma brain, biology, working with our equipment.
BONUS Trick | “Avatar” | Create Cohesive Autobiography & Regulated Brain. December 28th, 2021.
S6E25
So, processing memories is hard work. Processing memories from INSIDE confusing, negative, overwhelming brains to create a lifelong story of “Self” is even harder. Going through the emotional and experiential recollections might sink you before you ever get started. Unless… you can externalize the whole story to “someone else.” Definitely “not you.” Just a character who’s life seems a lot easier to understand, contextualize, and reframe for future clarity, now that you see it on one timeline. Let’s hack the PFC, skip the lizard brain portions, and put our lives into context. Especially, as we wrap up our memories of 2021 and start to design better lives in 2022.
Notes: With time, I’ve re-thought this post. It’s not right for everyone. Delusion (the brain self-protection mechanism) is a real human problem, and main character syndrome can take this idea in a toxic direction. Listen with caution. Accurate self-awareness, accountability, and general decent persondom is still required.
Key points: self, cohesive self, autobiographical memory, fragmented memory, loss of self, accurate self-concept, relief from self-limitations.
Closing 2021; Better Brains for 2022. December 31st, 2021.
S6E26
“What a time to be alive,” has been one of my top responses to the past year.
So… how do we move forward from less than great times with a “sane” psyche? How do we clear the brain-boxes that have been packed to the brim with inexplicable events? Are there ways to place “strategically ignored files” into historical learning compartments more effectively, so we can finally stop half-swimming in them before it alllll starts again?
Here are the exercises I do each year to close old chapters and make sense of what I’ve seen so far, so the next phase has room to be penned. Plus, how I get my brain on-track to be better, every day, in line with who I want to be and what I want to accomplish in life. We’re talking task-managing old processes, making sense of sensory-emotions, and realizing the necessary steps towards becoming a more genuine, unmarred “Self.”
Key points: brain operations, working with trauma brain, closing programs, processing, reflecting, closure, efficient brains, new year, behavioral change, authentic self, life change, self-embodiment, how-to.
Fawning and Free-Will | 2021 Reflection. January 5th, 2022.
S6E27
Let’s look at big themes underlying the past year – starting with the fact that… your brain maybe never belonged to you, in the first place. Starting with corporate gods on earth, the mental abuse trickles straight down into our family homes and infiltrates our developing behavioral programs. Next thing you know, you’re living to support stability for THEM, with no idea who you are at all.
Let’s talk brain-manipulation and lifelong self-abandonment that comes from universal fawning.
Key points: new year reflection, social control, social programming, behavioral science, developmental science, free will, cognitive programming, role-reversal, manipulation, self-abandonment, fawning.
Don’t Let Those Fuckers Get You Down | 2021 Reflection. January 5th, 2022.
S6E28
Today, let’s talk about THE SANITY-MAKING INSIGHT of my 2021 – realizing how other people’s behaviors reflect their own mental disordering, even if they’re putting the blame on outsiders. Especially when manipulative control tactics, tribalism, and personal justifications are the name of the game. Let’s take some realistic assessments of the brains that are busting your own.
Key points: new year reflection, social systems, echo chambers, self-validation, triangulation, projection, emotional dysregulation, untreated CPTSD, generational trauma, relational trauma, no contact, family patterns.
Top Social Learning Concepts | 2021 Reflection. January 5th, 2022.
S6E29
There’s been a looot of learning in this hell-year. If you’re experiencing new events, you’re putting new data points in your brain. And what an “experience” it’s been. But if I had to condense the major takeaways into a “Top 5” clickbait list… here’s what I think the most significant, life-sense-making, brain-bustin lessons have been.
Key points: new year reflection, neurobiology, understanding brains, brain operations, social control, social programming, behavioral science, developmental science, cognitive programming, role-reversal, oppositional thoughts, black and white thinking, syncing, connection.
Top Brain Concepts | 2021 Reflection. January 17th, 2022.
S6E30
Today let’s do a broader recap of what seem to have been the best conceptual lessons we picked up in 2021 from the show. As in, the topics that changed the way we’re seeing our brains the most effectively and efficiently. Forever. In a way that we can never undo. The ideas that have laid the groundwork for… all our inner work, actually happening. AND the points that most successfully convinced us we weren’t balls-crazy for thinking this thing or that one was happening in the past.
Key points: new year reflection, neurobiology, understanding brains, brain operations, social control, social programming, behavioral science, developmental science, cognitive programming, role-reversal, oppositional thoughts, black and white thinking, syncing, connection, free will, rewiring, plasticity, new beginnings.
Season Seven
(back to top)
Context: Still outside of Chicago but living indoors again thanks only to the kindness of near strangers. The Dead Dad House renovations finally begin, and re-enmeshment with siblings proves that you aren’t truly “NC” with one family member if you’re still in contact with the rest. Family of origin trauma, school, living pressure, and 3 jobs rip through this nervous system, establishing an “always running” pattern, slowly corrupting recovery perspectives, and bringing silencing parts to power.
Episode tone: It’s an internal battle, recovery brain vs. re-emerging trauma brain. Attempts to make sense of the cognitive events taking place through intensive research. Personal details fade, as the family system stalks the project and volleys back punishment. Sense of shame, childhood parts activation, and fear of disclosure grow.
Episode trends: time distortions, cognitive distortions, examining “perspective” in all its gaslighting glory, perspective as basis for PTSD, “the danger of the aftermath,” trauma transmission, resistance vs. resilience, societal commentary, social stress, generational societal trauma, resources required for recovery.
Time Distortions Pt 1 | Opening Concepts. January 27th, 2022.
S7E0
Sometimes too fast, often times too slow. Dragging through each second, numbing them as possible. Yet losing track as they slip and slide, somehow. So how’s your relationship with the clock?
Key points: time perception, time distortion, PTSD, BPD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, self-sabotage, bad habits, attentional control, obsession, cognitive distortions.
Time Distortions Pt. 2 | The Research. February 6th, 2022.
S7E1
Time moving too slow? Too fast? Somehow… both? Let’s talk about what research can tell us – what are the trends of time perception in PTSD, BPD, ADHD, Anxiety and Depression? How does “time orientation” fit into this? What’s an “ideal time balance?” And how do we explain the Alice in Wonderland-esque effects of living engulfed in village-pillaging mental health disorders that make time very big and very small?
Key points: time perception, experience of time, PTSD, BPD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, time orientations, ideal time balance, time distortions, attention, attentional control.
Time Distortions Pt. 3 | Implications. February 12th, 2022.
S7E2
So we’ve researched… Now what connections can we draw between the distorted views of time characteristic to so many mental health battles? It’s about more than negativity, emotional, and survival bias.
Turns out, we have a way to moderate our own experience… but the key player underlying time relativity isn’t one of our strongest hands. Take back your time, take back yer MF life.
Key points: time perception, experience of time, PTSD, BPD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, time orientations, ideal time balance, time distortions, attention, attentional control.
SPECIAL Time Distortion Pt. 4 | Hell Reset. February 18th, 2022.
S7E3
Break Glass In Case Of Emergency.
So, maybe it’s helpful to have a “save my perspective” episode for rough times? Something to reassure you in the moment? To get yer head out of the tar pits? Let’s give it a shot. Today, validating that TIME WILL PASS, even when it feels like it’s come to a standstill. Comforting voice, engaged.
Key points: time perception, experience of time, PTSD, BPD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, time orientations, ideal time balance, time distortions, attention, attentional control, how-to.
BONUS Time Distortions Pt. 5 | Help Yer Self. February 18th, 2022.
S7E4. Bonus tiers.
The subjective misinterpretation of time doesn’t define you. It’s just been a cognitive calculation error. Correct the variable in your human logic that creates your misperception… and you can start rewriting this whole math problem. Time is just the medium of living. Let’s talk about ways to start USING it, and stop ESCAPING from it. Let’s create the life you want, with the time you have.
Key points: time perception, experience of time, PTSD, BPD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, time orientations, ideal time balance, time distortions, attention, attentional control, how-to.
Ukraine, Your T-Brain, & How to Help. February 25th, 2022.
S7E5
Feeling unable to help yourself and others? There are ways to help your brain and their fight. Let’s talk through some options. Motherfuckers stand by their brothers. We stand for the end of abuse. We stand with Ukraine✊
Key points: world destabilization, societal trauma, anxiety, how to help, stay empowered.
“Your Traumatized Perspective” Pt.1 | Hypocrisy and Re-definition. February 27th, 2022.
S7E6
“That’s just ONE perspective,” they say. As though it could work any other way when you’re one organism with one brain. Ever find yourself debating the word “Perspective,” itself? Notice that you’re actually fighting over your “Experiences,” being real or imagined? Or realize that “Perspective” is used more as a code word for “Your filthy fucking lies,” among certain people? (FOO)
Well let’s clear that up. Today, we’re talking about the definition, nature, and double-meaning of “Perspective.” Then, we’re diving into a long stream of research episodes, breaking down what perceptive variables enable the development of PTSD, how PTSD IS a perspective, how a traumatized outlook predicts the likelihood of future retraumatizing events, how even correct diagnoses are perspectives that can save or slay our souls, where resilience and resistance come into all of this, and the ways perspective shifts are REQUIRED for CPTSD recovery – if they’re not the whole definition of it.
Key points: perspective, perception, gaslighting, family of origin, trauma dismissal, neurobiological basis, experience, aftermath, development of PTSD, brain development, research.
Your Traumatized Perspective Pt 2 | Research. March 6th, 2022.
S7E7
So let’s dig in. IS there a “right time to be traumatized?” Or are there about a billion individual factors that build up to create a Perspective of fear, survival, and continual shit-happenings? Today, let’s hear from a few experts on PTSD development, and outline the specific variables that ACTUALLY contribute to developing PTSD after disaster. They probably aren’t what you expect.
Key points: perspective, perception, aftermath, development of PTSD, subjective fear, social support, rapid change, brain development, gaslighting, family of origin, trauma dismissal, neurobiological basis, experience, research.
Your Traumatized Perspective Pt. 3 | Implications. March 13th, 2022.
S7E8
So now we know what contributes to a “PTSD Perspective”… and it’s not exactly what you might think. What else can we learn about the development of the neural framework you’ll use to assess the entire world over a lifetime? Today, I’m givin you a conceptualization/visualization of “perspective development” on a neural basis. AND the utility of using this perspective breakdown tool for challenging your own traumatized brain behaviors.
It’s a “make you think” sortof episode today, as we start getting into the far more complicated conversation underlying this whole talk…. why is COMPLEX trauma such a self-provoking Perspective shitshow? How complicated IS perspective development, actually? And how’s that leading to our CPTSD nightmares?
Key points: perspective, perception, aftermath, development of PTSD, subjective fear, social support, rapid change, brain development, gaslighting, family of origin, trauma dismissal, neurobiological basis, experience, research, visualization.
Yer Traumatized Perspectives Pt. 4 | Exercise Em. March 19th, 2022.
S7E9. Bonus tiers.
So… how do you know if your perspective is the right one for you? If you’re operating on old or inaccurate information? If your stupidass emotions are skewing everything? Don’t listen to me. But here are my suggestions for re-examining and re-writing your perspectives with better information.
Key points: perspective, recovery perspectives, perception, aftermath, development of PTSD, subjective fear, social support, rapid change, brain development, gaslighting, family of origin, trauma dismissal, neurobiological basis, experience, research, how-to.
TMFG Happy Hour | Squirrel Control, Gray Rocking, Spring Revolution. March 26th, 2022.
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Education helps. But so does feeling less shitty once in a while. Let’s talk trauma with a lighter tone. Welcome to the first Motherfucking Happy Hour.
Talkin’ Fucked-up Fables from real life, keeping family explosions from imploding a brain, spring mania, and community updates.
Key points: family of origin, filial obligation, brain patterns, motivation, my story.
Yer COMPLEXLY Traumatized Perspective Pt 1 | Intro. March 26th, 2022.
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A tale of two children, and two different lifelong perspectives. How is this “traumatized perspective” problem a lot more damning from a young age? Sometimes, it’s all in the numbers.
The complicating factors that perpetuate one perspective as a defining jumping-off point for the next. And the fact that… we don’t even GET to make our own perspectives half of the time, when we have so many chatty Kathy’s around us with their own traumatized learnings.
Key points: age influences, trauma transmission, ACEs, behavioral science, brain programming, childhood development, social learning, perspective, perception, aftermath, development of PTSD, subjective fear, social support, rapid change, brain development, gaslighting, family of origin, trauma dismissal, neurobiological basis, experience, research.
Your COMPLEXLY Traumatized Perspective Pt. 2 | Research. April 3rd, 2022.
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If we can take on traumatized perspectives through secondhand exposure and other people’s words… what chance does a young brain have? And CAN it recognize events as “traumatic” without other experience? Let’s talk about ACES and the Subjective Traumatic Outlook Scale. It suggests that participants KNOW about their prior trauma, but that runs counter to our COMPLEX PTSD problems.
Meaning, is “Traumatized Perspective” really as simple as it’s seemed so far? Or is there a whoooole lot of family trauma hiding beneath, masquerading as inert events obscured by the most obviously fucked ones?
Key points: age influences, trauma transmission, ACEs, behavioral science, brain programming, childhood development, social learning, perspective, perception, aftermath, development of PTSD, subjective fear, social support, rapid change, brain development, gaslighting, family of origin, trauma dismissal, neurobiological basis, experience, research.
Your COMPLEXLY Traumatized Perspective Pt. 3 | Discussion. April 9th, 2022.
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Let’s chat more about the often subtle, flippant, and hidden social influences that automatically build up to become a “traumatized life” when your hungry brain is still figuring out the planet. Plus, the frustrating experience of seeing unhealthy brains dodging responsibility for generations, so it can become YOUR personal task to dig up cursed artifacts in the family graveyard.
Key points: age influences, trauma transmission, ACEs, behavioral science, brain programming, childhood development, social learning, perspective, perception, aftermath, development of PTSD, subjective fear, social support, rapid change, brain development, gaslighting, family of origin, trauma dismissal, neurobiological basis, experience, research, self-compassion.
Your GENERATIONALLY Traumatized Perspective | Research Deepens. April 17th, 2022.
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Let’s call this one a “slow burn that builds.” The filial piety mosquitos are worth the full listen. Moving from implicit to more explicit family narratives… How ELSE does trauma transmit?
Not just through households, but through the generations. We’re talking the effects of PTSD on a parent-child relationship. Then, we’re getting into multiple-generational-transmissions. How do family narratives created by prior trauma turn into instructional demands for the life-outlooks of children? And, uh, what the fuck is this abuse-devotional term, “filial piety”? Lots to talk about, as generations of trauma flows through your bloodstream.
Key points: generational trauma, trauma transmission, ACEs, behavioral science, brain programming, childhood development, social learning, perspective, perception, aftermath, development of PTSD, subjective fear, social support, rapid change, brain development, gaslighting, family of origin, trauma dismissal, neurobiological basis, experience, research.
CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVES. April 24th, 2022.
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Let’s get less bleak. What can you DO about perspectives that might not be fitting your authentic experiences or modern life? How do we challenge old beliefs, and why ARE they so hard to disrupt? You don’t have to carry your family trauma. But you’re gonna have to work to erase the old data. And, uh, the people around you probably won’t follow suit. But you can do it, determined MF. One experiment at a time.
Key points: generational trauma, trauma transmission, behavioral science, brain programming, childhood development, social learning, perspective, perception, aftermath, development of PTSD, subjective fear, social support, rapid change, brain development, gaslighting, family of origin, trauma dismissal, neurobiological basis, experience, research, rewire, how-to.
Family vs. “Enlightened Society” Perspectives | Social Psychology Concepts. May 1st, 2022.
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Ya know, we’re already this deep into it… Might as well talk about how family culture vs. larger cultural standards can double down on self-shaming perspectives and brain melting confusion. Then, let’s try to spot the patterns in yer own brain.
Talking Individualism Vs. Collectivism. Continuous Vs. Role-Taking “Self.” And Independent, Group, and Ecological Self-Concepts. Plus… all the ways they contradict and confuse each other when you’re straddling generational trauma culture AND a healthier, more autonomous one. (Depending on the day, age, gender, and benefit to others.) It’s “Eastern” versus “Western” versus “Superfuckingtraumatized” Culture time. No wonder none of us know who we’re allowed to be.
Key points: social psychology, social influence, societal trauma, family of origin, family narratives, family hierarchy, ideals vs. reality, social discrepancy, social class, individualism, collectivism, self-concept, role-taking, continuous self, culture, programming, family tethering, “allowable identity,” research.
Your Undiagnosed Perspective | “When you don’t know what’s wrong” Research. May 8th, 2022.
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So, you’ve built some traumatized perspectives. But what happens before you KNOW about them? Have you heard the term “PTSD” applied to your life yet? Do you believe it? And if not, how are you explaining the full shitlist of symptoms that’s defined life so far? How are you explaining them as “part of your inherent brokenness”?
Today, we’re talking about the challenges of having an uninformed perspective – why it’s sometimes difficult to find a clinician with the right diagnostic interpretation, what happens when you’re living with a brain full of bad self-assessments, and the power of finally hearing that “trauma” explains it all, so you can move forward without overcompensatory collapse.
Key points: misdiagnosis, undiagnosed PTSD, masking, overcompensation, brokenness, helplessness, self-assessment, informed vs uninformed perspectives, self-stigma, trauma overidentification, trauma-self, research.
Your Newly Diagnosed Perspective; Barriers, Supports, and Self-Stigma | Research. May 14th, 2022.
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So, even getting to a CPTSD diagnosis can be hard. USING that diagnosis effectively can be even harder. Today, let’s talk about the trauma perspective tightrope we all have to walk. Toeing the line between “ignorant” and “obsessive” when assessing our newly reframed and validated traumatic experiences.
There are still barriers to recovery on practical, financial, and social fronts. Our new mental health labels can create stigmatizing conditions from the outside and inside, leading to obsessive thought traps. We can over-identify with the diagnosis or take it on with a personal vengeance. And in the end, being negatively-obsessed with your destructive past can perpetuate the invalidation of “trauma” on a societal level. Not that it’s your job to fix society. Just your “Self.”
Key points: diagnosed PTSD, recovery obstacles, brokenness, helplessness, self-assessment, informed vs uninformed perspectives, self-stigma, societal stigma, trauma overidentification, trauma-self, personal responsibility, reactivity management, healing perspectives, research.
Perspective Resilience Vs. Resistance | urnottaweakassbitch. May 21st, 2022.
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Resilient… toxic or the goal? You found out about complex trauma. You’ve reframed your past to understand your present. You’ve developed new thoughts that carry you through each day into a less shit-stained future. And then… those thoughts can be reversed, disregarded, and disposed of with the snap of a finger, if the right (wrong) influence opens a contradictory, more powerful, brain pathway. And cue the trauma brain, dragging you back into the perspective pits without warning.
What’s a Fucker to do? Well, today, we’re going to talk about an important area in psychology – maintenance. So how do you feel about the word “resilient”? Or are you actually striving for something much harder, properly defined as “resistance?”
Key points: resiliency, resistance, perspective corruption, PTSD perspectives, historical programming, consistent recovery, stigma, self-condemnation, shame, loss of functionality, symptom ignorance, overcompensation, collapse, research.
Supplement: Resistance Vs. Resilience. May 22nd, 2022.
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Let’s talk a bit more. So we think it’s a good idea to aim for resilience – give yourself some fucking grace if life scrambles your brains and you can’t shut it out. That’s the least we can do for our selves after this whole battle we’ve been in together. BUT… you do need SOME resistance to be resilient. The problem is that blind resistance is avoidance, denial or delusion which doesn’t really lead to rewiring, recovery, or resilience.
Key points: resiliency, resistance, perspective corruption, PTSD perspectives, historical programming, consistent recovery, stigma, self-condemnation, shame, loss of functionality, symptom ignorance, overcompensation, collapse, research, self-compassion, supplement.
Cheers | Yer Self can’t take it anymore. May 26th, 2022.
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With all the world chaos, usual relationship fuckery, and exhaustion-based lapses in “holding it together by the skin of our teeth,” time has been grinding like sandpaper lately. Selves have been set aside. Brains have been unhappy. Bodies have been punished. And it sure seems like there’s hopeless frustration living in everyone, complexly-traumatized or not.
But there’s good news. You don’t have to be in this forever. Take back your Self. Take back your life. And let’s toast to the next chapter, happiness and grief included.
Key points: Self, self-empowerment, self-protection, lost causes, bankrupted relationships, locus of control, black and white thinking, exhaustion, fear, instability, anxiety, frustration, moving on for mental health.
Empower Your Self | On the human rights war. May 27th, 2022.
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This episode came out just as Roe V. Wade was being challenged in the U.S. A reflection on what this means for us with histories of body trauma, and what we can do moving forward.
Key points: body trauma, autonomy, freedom of choice, societal trauma, social unrest, human fear, oppression, regrounding, re-empowerment.
Recovery Resources vs. Relationships. June 4th, 2022.
S7E23
You know what we REALLY need to stay functional and moving forward in trauma brain recovery? TIME. Time, space, and attention to let our brains sort out their shit, and to keep our perspectives on the up and up. Grounding, coping, and reframing techniques are no help if you have no space to use them.
And with our historical relational trauma trainings ringing between our ears… you know… Time is often lost to codependency, conflict, chaotic escapism, overconcern for others’ problems, and emotional upset when we try to play nice with others. Womp. So what’s a Fucker to do? Get more discerning about who you share your brain with, that’s what.
Key points: resources for recovery, relationships, self-limiting relationships, boundaries, autonomy, room to grow, human distraction, escapism, caregiving, fawning, relational trauma, obligation, covert abuse, time space and energy for healing.
Season Eight.
(back to top)
Context: Society is up to SOME SHIT. Global war and human autonomy revocation triggers the system. Meanwhile, the Dead Dad House Project is over. After years of increasingly volatile sibling fighting, yer host shows up for the “final push” and then takes commands at face value and leaves, as instructed. Goals for family healing? For now, abandoned. But life in Atlanta, GA, isn’t better. Dutifully moving to continue friend caregiving obligations backfires, as a new (old) trauma pattern emerges; over-responsibility for everyone but Self. Attempts at recovery are fleetingly dashed, as daily pressure and “the aftermath of leaving filial obligation” spawn new cognitive terrors. At the same time, school wraps up and this MF graduates! Unfortunately, creating more room for fearful ruminating about past decisions to set in.
Episode tone: “Here we go! Time to get back on track!” (Unfair self-expectations for immediate recovery create inner turmoil). A renewed focus on the basics of recovery and needed resources. Societal commentary on the situation we’re all trapped within.
Episode trends: obligation, filial obligation, recovery, society, social trauma, Self, fragmentation, recovery, obligatory relationships, guilt, the aftermath, inner work, self-empowerment.
Space for Recovering Yer Splintered Self | Let’s get back to it, Welcome to Season 8. June 11th, 2022.
S8E0
So we know we need time to recover. But what else is commonly impossible to access, trapping us in continual triggerings that dis-integrate our brains, corrupt our emotions, and lose our Selves?
Space. We need abundant room from our circumstances to make improvements on them. Otherwise, we’re just living under continual stimulus control as we lose our own. Let’s talk about the challenges finding time and space from circumstances that are fucking up our brains. The temporary uptick in upset when you DO get some distance. The positive and progressive strides that quickly follow. And what all of that means for the show, as this Self finally re-emerges.
Notes: “slowly re-emerges with many triggered-backslides” would be a better description. This effort to instantaneously re-right my Self? Eh, based in perfectionism not trauma-realism. This will be an ongoing process and discussion for the rest of the year.
Key points: resources for recovery, healing, reintegration, fragmented personalities, parts, internalized stimulation, triggers, boundaries, safety, time space and energy, relationship obstacles, rewire, life change.
Work vs. Recovery | Control your own time. June 11th, 2022.
S8E1
Work. We all have to do it. With trauma, we aren’t usually very good at it. At least, we aren’t good at finding jobs that actually suit us or holding tumultuous positions without letting them decide our fate every day.
The actual work isn’t really the problem, but the social challenges, tendency for chaos, and long term effects on our mental health often are damning when repeated sunrise after sunrise. Not to mention, the arbitrary rules, regulations, and stress-loaded pressures they place on your time. When you can’t control your schedule, you can’t control your recovering brain. Today, let’s talk about trade-offs.
Key points: work pressure, ACEs in other places, social hierarchy, social triggers, resources for recovery, trauma patterns, programming, healing, reintegration, fragmented personalities, parts, triggers, boundaries, safety, time space and energy, relationship obstacles, rewire, life change.
Supplement: When is it time to leave a situation? June 13th, 2022.
S8E2
So… we have a hard time as TMFRs, trusting when we’ve “done enough” versus guilting ourselves into staying in situations that are breaking us. And the truth is, there’s no clear answer. No cut and dry way to approach every situation. There are a lot of gray tones.
This morning, I just wanted to riff on some additional points to consider when you’ve been living under continual stimulus control and feel your Self splintering beyond recognition. What can we do for ourselves when we CAN’T leave? How do we KNOW that it’s time to go? And how else can we see this removal of ourselves from a shituation… as a reversible experimental condition?
Key points: bankrupted situations, gray tones, when is enough enough, triggering circumstance, regression, resources for recovery, healing, reintegration, fragmented personalities, parts, internalized stimulation, triggers, boundaries, safety, time space and energy, relationship obstacles, rewire, life change.
ACEs and Societal Disgraces. June 18th, 2022.
S8E3
So why didn’t you hear about childhood trauma for so long? Ready for some bullshit?
Let’s talk about the ACEs writeup on the CDC that got my gears grinding in January 2021. Yeah, I didn’t release the episode then… But it all worked out, the time to riot is now. We’re going to take a dive into the WHO and CDC definitions of ACEs. Discuss the prevalence of multi-ACEs cases in bad places. And cover the many downstream effects that commonly define our defeat. Plus, what’s obviously missing from the government writeup on ACEs and long-term outcomes.
Key points: ACEs, trauma transmission, social trauma, society trauma, government, lifelong patterns, brain development, fear, downstream effects, chronic PTSD, childhood trauma, class, oppression, pervasive trauma, the aftermath.
When you can’t get the basics of life | Trauma-Society. June 24th, 2022.
S8E4
So humans have done incredible things, right? Or have we constructed our own cages and called it “progress.”
Born into the artificial environment, unable to get the resources you need, and watching the whole planet burn as you’re still dutifully reporting to that 9-5. What happens when we remove ourselves from the “acute brutality of nature,” only to create sustainably-brutal systems of shame and obligation?
No time, no space, no energy. No choice. No outlook for circumstantial improvement. And then we wonder why our heads have been feeling fucking crazy. It’s not you. You aren’t failing. This system is.
Key points: human pressure, societal structures, common cult.ure, late stage capitalism, societal gaslighting, social hierarchy, social triggers, resources for recovery, trauma patterns, programming, healing, reintegration, fragmented personalities, parts, triggers, boundaries, safety, time space and energy, relationship obstacles, rewire, life change.
“Our Changing Perspective” | Words by your MF Incanthatus! June 24th, 2022.
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Love this system. You know our friend and reigning community leader, Incanthatus? Well buckle up, because they’re spittin’ wisdom in a series of episodes on safe internal work! TMFR takeover, go!
Today, Incanthatus is sharing with us the enlightenment they found in DID/CPTSD diagnoses – THEY aren’t broken, and those past struggles all make sense. THEN, sharing more about their recent experience shifting perspective around a situation that just wasn’t working. Redirecting attention from shame and trigger points to “why is this hitting a mortal worthlessness wound” and “… what else can we do to help ourselves?” Building new neural highways with our MF today! Let’s get in touch with our inner selves.
Key points: generational trauma, behavioral science, brain programming, childhood development, social learning, perspective, perception, aftermath, subjective fear, social support, rapid change, brain development, gaslighting, family of origin, trauma dismissal, neurobiological basis, experience, research, rewire, community, motivation, MFs speak, how-to.
1. Guided Imagery Mini Series Intro | Words by your MF Incanthatus! June 25th, 2022.
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TMFR takeover, CONTINUES! This time, we’re benefiting from the hard lessons learned about doing safe inner work… after some not so pleasant experiences. What is guided imagery? And how do we use it SAFELY with brains like these? Sometimes the first steps towards building better thoughts can throw you down a staircase with raining hellfire. So… how do we keep our feet on solid ground when using this trauma tool?
Take their insight and get ready to go through some ultra-calming exercises together in the next two parts of Incanthatus’ mini series!
Key points: inner work, integration, parts, alters, internal family systems, guided imagery, exercises, safety, inner boundaries, grounding, recentering, recovery, healing, motivation, inspiration, community, MFs speak, how-to.
2. Safe Places Guided Imagery | Words by your MF Incanthatus! June 25th, 2022.
S8E7
TMFR takeover, CONTINUES! How do you even start to feel safe when all you’ve known is danger? This time, we’re rejoining Incanthatus and taking a guided imagery exploration together – talking about the importance of inner “safe places” to re-regulate your system and heal wounded parts. What are some pro tips and tricks… especially to avoid triggerfests, flopping, and freezing. When your head is an inner hell, it’s not so simple to “think of the bright sides.” Let’s learn how to use this tool and take a journey together!
Key points: guided imagery, creating safety, inner work, integration, parts, alters, internal family systems, guided imagery, exercises, inner boundaries, grounding, recentering, recovery, healing, motivation, inspiration, community, MFs speak, how-to.
3. Containment in Guided Imagery | Words by your MF Incanthatus! June 25th, 2022.
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TMFR takeover, CONTINUES! This share, we’re taking a walk together. Incanthatus takes us through the flooding pitfalls of inner work and helps us learn to do it better with containment! How can we use imagery to put our emotions, memories, and thoughts away for a while? Building those inner boundaries so we can take our brains one disturbance at a time, unlocking pieces that we need to bring to light… and using nature to lend us temporary storage space.
Curate your museum.
Key points: guided imagery, creating safety, inner work, integration, parts, alters, internal family systems, guided imagery, exercises, inner boundaries, grounding, recentering, recovery, healing, motivation, inspiration, community, MFs speak, how-to.
Entrapped in Fear | Rat Wars Part I. July 2nd, 2022.
S8E9
Hard to understand what’s going on “out there” and also “inside of you”? Yeah, well. How COULD you, when none of it is based on logic – only fear reacting to fear.
Sometimes it helps to see humans as a different species entirely. Makes it more obvious who’s fixing the race and the ways we’re all running in place. Let’s talk my favorite topic – the crossroads of psychology, trauma-programming, and current events.
Key points: societal trauma, the system, self-limitation, social roles, social pressure, politics, fear, trauma reactions, in-group, tribalism, mental heuristics, survival, trauma programming, social learning, social discourse, misdirected aggression, we’re all in this cage together.
Caged Family Trauma | Rat Wars Part II. July 2nd, 2022.
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The rats run for their pellets, the pellets are more worthless every day, and their (unwanted) families are growing ever-larger… while all the other rats continue to fight, feud, and fuel the same “work til you die” narrative.
What happens now? Does daddy rat keep his balled up paws to himself? Or is there massive risk of survival trauma trickledown?
Key points: trauma trickle-down, generational trauma, trauma patterns, family of origin, societal trauma, the system, self-limitation, social roles, social pressure, politics, fear, trauma reactions, in-group, tribalism, mental heuristics, survival, trauma programming, social learning, social discourse, misdirected aggression, spinning wheels, we’re all in this cage together.
EXERCISE | Lessons Learned from the Cage. July 3rd, 2022.
S8E11. Bonus tiers.
How do we start to spot the societal trauma lessons in our own selves, through examining our family behaviors? Today, let’s talk about ways we’re limited by being born in the same-ish cage as our family, and absorbing all their “allowed” behaviors, per society.
Notes: As always. Don’t trigger yourself if you’re not ready to do this sort of inner work on your own! Always talk to your therapist before you listen to my dumbass.
Key points: trauma trickle-down, generational trauma, trauma patterns, family of origin, societal trauma, self-limitation, social roles, social pressure, politics, fear, trauma reactions, in-group, tribalism, mental heuristics, survival, trauma programming, social learning, social discourse, misdirected aggression, spinning wheels, we’re all in this cage together, rewire, how-to.
Intro to today’s shows. July 9th, 2022.
S8E12
What’s up with all the episodes comin down the pipeline today? Here’s some quick rationale.
(Not losing it over here. Re-finding it.)
Key points: what’s coming up, societal trauma, neurolinguistic programming, transition into refinding Self, community.
A Few Supplements on “Society Trauma.” July 9th, 2022.
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If you’re on the market for “fuck this”…. A few more thoughts. Parenting challenges in society. The panic that’s driving everyone to the brink. And following “thought leaders” who demand that no one thinks for themselves, at all. Let this Fucker get out a few more of the societal trauma brain bugs.
Key points: trauma trickle-down, societal trauma, social roles, social pressure, politics, fear, trauma reactions, in-group, tribalism, mental heuristics, survival, trauma programming, social learning, social discourse, misdirected aggression, spinning wheels, we’re all in this cage together.
What SHOULD you be doing? July 9th, 2022.
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Let’s have one easy conversation and call “societal trauma” wrapped for a beat. Talkin’ dialectics and their implications… as an intro to wise words from our Fort Friend, Leanne.
Key points: neurolinguistics, trauma patterns, programming, parts revolt, stagnation, motivation, shame, loaded words.
Progress Made & “SHOULD” Obstinance | Words by MF Leanne. July 9th, 2022.
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Time for some good news. Let’s hear from our MF Leanne from down under, and soak up her insights on recovery so far! Plus… where “SHOULD” pings social trauma patterns in THIS MF’s brain, and the newfound reactions. PS – nothing makes me happier than this amazing, peaceful, beautifully accented voice calling us Motherfuckers.
Key points: recovery, loaded words, neurolinguistics, trauma patterns, programming, parts revolt, stagnation, motivation, trauma excavation, community, MFs speak.
GUTS – where you’ll find your Self. July 9th, 2022.
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Like the ole’ days. It’s a straight out my mouth, sensitive, and honest one. You know when you “lose it”? Lose access to that thing… that feels like you… and all the passion/energy/interest/courage you once had? When life is spinning you around faster than your head can adapt? …. And then you find that thing again.
Key points: loss of self, fragmentation under trauma, parts, splintering Self, grounding, centering, fear, trauma brain deactivation, spirit-thing, re-embodiment, physical awareness, emotional reckoning, calm, peace, self-direction, self-concept, self-esteem, finding courage and stability, how-to.
GUTS 2 – where you’ll find your Self. July 9th, 2022.
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Still speakin straight from the guts. Let’s talk more what went wrong, what goes wrong for everyone, and the perils of living out of your (stupid fucking) human-programmed brain. Thanks for the reset.
Key points: loss of self, fragmentation under trauma, parts, splintering Self, grounding, centering, fear, trauma brain deactivation, spirit-thing, re-embodiment, physical awareness, emotional reckoning, calm, peace, self-direction, self-concept, self-esteem, finding courage and stability, how-to.
Getting Out of Trauma Brain | Surviving These Time. July 16th, 2022.
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Time for the science-backed conversation on how to survive these doomsdays. The answer is, getting out of your trauma brain.
Key points: loss of self, fragmentation under trauma, parts, splintering Self, grounding, centering, trauma brain deactivation, spirit-thing, re-embodiment, physical awareness, emotional reckoning, calm, peace, self-direction, self-concept, self-esteem, research.
How-To | Get Out of Your Trauma Brain – Starting “Recovery.” July 20th, 2022.
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We’ve made the case for the importance of accessing this separate source of consciousness… Now… How to get started with making contact? It’s not easy, or fun, or pleasant feeling. But then again, neither were the events that got you all disassociated and trauma-brain-bound, either. Time to untangle the knots and get back into yer bod.
Key points: loss of self, fragmentation under trauma, parts, disassociation, splintering Self, grounding, centering, trauma brain deactivation, boundaries, relationships, spirit-thing, re-embodiment, physical awareness, emotional reckoning, calm, peace, self-direction, self-concept, self-esteem, how-to.
How-To | Stoke “Self Empowerment” in RL. July 23rd, 2022.
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So, touching base with your “Self” once under highly controlled conditions isn’t the end of the story. It’s just the beginning. What we really need is to generalize that condition to the rest of “real life,” so your rewiring can take place across environments and activities.
Let’s start building your skills… with realistic challenges in mind.
Key points: recovery, self-empowerment, healing, loss of self, fragmentation under trauma, parts, splintering Self, grounding, centering, trauma brain deactivation, spirit-thing, re-embodiment, physical awareness, emotional reckoning, calm, peace, self-direction, self-concept, self-esteem, expansion, boundaries, how-to.
Caregiving Anxiety and Obligation in Relationships | Pt I. Origins. July 30th, 2022.
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Is relationship drain and strain your recurrent pattern? Exhausted, exasperated, and anxious all the time? How much of that comes from sense of obligation, constant caregiving, and anxiety about your capacity to endlessly provide both?
Today, we’re talking about the filial anxiety and obligation that come from – especially – post-traumatic parents. How do we feel obliged to our families in their roughest times, and how does that affect us over time? Plus, let’s get thinking about the transmission of those reverse-caregiving dynamics from our parents… to every other relationship in life. Spot the patterns, understand their origins. If you’re continually in a “fixer or fawner” position this is a series for you.
Key points: caregiving, relationship obligations, relationship patterns, transference, role-reversal, regulating others, syncing, enmeshment, codependency, filial obligation, human responsibility, human pressure, fawning, fixing, anxiety, “doing the right thing.”
Video Audio: Relationships on a Loop. August 5th, 2022.
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Dunno if it helps to hear without the video, but figured I’d do the work and let you tell me the answer. Here’s JUST THE AUDIO for the video that was released to everyone on Patreon! A short summary of what we covered last week. Let me know if it helps or helps no one without seeing my whiteboard. (Video = bonus tiers)
Key points: emotional co-regulation, dysregulated parents, relationship development, relationship dynamics, patterns that form the rest of our interactions, behavioral science, reinforcement and punishment, relationship templates, what feels familiar, continuation of trauma circumstances.
{TW} Entrapment/Defeat, Negative Self-Appraisal, and Suicidality | Obligated Relationships Pt. II. August 5th, 2022.
S8E23
Feeling stuck? Getting hopeless? This conversation applied to all situations. IF you’re feeling obligated to someone or something, seeing your efforts making no difference, and starting to doubt your own ability to cope… then what? The research says you might start to feel defeated and entrapped. And from there, it’s a hop-skip to suicidality.
Let’s talk about how negative self-perception is mediated by feelings of “entrapment” which leave us with few options to escape from the exhausting discomfort. Plus, how we can use this information to walk ourselves back from potentially dangerous grounds, when suicideation is on the table.
Key points: strain of caregiving, psychonoxious circumstances, entrapment, defeat, suicidality, negative self-assessment, helplessness, personal capacity, isolation, relationship obligations, relationship patterns, transference, role-reversal, regulating others, syncing, enmeshment, codependency, filial obligation, human responsibility, human pressure, fawning, fixing, anxiety, “doing the right thing” til it kills you.
CMNTY CoLAB | Filial Obligation, Entrapment, and Suicidal ideation. August 19th, 2022.
S8E26
What’ve other MFs got to say? Let’s hear about personal experiences and ongoing challenges with filial caregiving, sense of entrapment, and suicidal ideation that follows.
Key points: strain of caregiving, psychonoxious circumstances, entrapment, defeat, suicidality, negative self-assessment, helplessness, personal capacity, isolation, relationship obligations, relationship patterns, family of origin, family tethering, transference, role-reversal, regulating others, syncing, enmeshment, codependency, filial obligation, human responsibility, human pressure, fawning, fixing, anxiety, “doing the right thing” til it kills you, guilt, fragmentation, THE AFTERMATH, community, MFs speak.
CMNTY Co-LAB Filial Obligation II. August 20th, 2022.
S8E27
Originally published in September, moved for conversation cohesiveness.
Y’all still had more to say, and I love it. Let’s continue this conversation on filial obligation in real life.
Key points: strain of caregiving, psychonoxious circumstances, entrapment, defeat, suicidality, negative self-assessment, helplessness, personal capacity, isolation, relationship obligations, relationship patterns, transference, family of origin, family tethering, role-reversal, regulating others, syncing, enmeshment, codependency, filial obligation, human responsibility, human pressure, fawning, fixing, anxiety, “doing the right thing” til it kills you, guilt, fragmentation, THE AFTERMATH, community, MFs speak.
WRAP on Filial Obligation. August 22nd, 2022.
S8E28
Might be episode overkill, but I think we learned a lot. Let’s pull all the academic and community-experiential research from the past few shows together! Here’s what we learned this past month in a bite-sized portion.
Key points: strain of caregiving, psychonoxious circumstances, entrapment, defeat, suicidality, negative self-assessment, helplessness, personal capacity, isolation, relationship obligations, relationship patterns, family of origin, family tethering, transference, role-reversal, regulating others, syncing, enmeshment, codependency, filial obligation, human responsibility, human pressure, fawning, fixing, anxiety, “doing the right thing” til it kills you, guilt, fragmentation, THE AFTERMATH.
BS-free “Self-limiting Beliefs” | Pt. I. August 26th, 2022.
S8E29
So plenty of folks talk about self-limitations. But, ya know… not from a trauma lens, where those words have a whole other meaning and depth to them.
Today, let’s start taking a MF scientific and traumalogical look at self-limiting beliefs as they relate to trauma, PTSD development, parts, and all persistent post-traumatic symptomatology that just won’t quit. No, it’s not random when you suddenly give up on yourself. No, it’s not only you who feels helpless, unlovable, and worthless. No, it’s not just the trauma or family experience that fucks you… actually, it’s all the time and cognitive events afterwards.
Key points: self-limiting beliefs, self-limiting programs, fucked up core beliefs, development of PTSD, worthiness, worth, allowable roles, social pressure, human hierarchies, trauma adaptation, THE AFTERMATH, shame, fear, stagnation, motivation, oppositional programs, self-sabotage, cognitive distortion, living by CPTSD patterns.
The Default Mode Network | Self-limiting Beliefs Pt. II. September 2nd, 2022.
S8E30
Maybe my favorite episode. Let’s integrate everything we’ve learned so far and introduce yer brain’s Default Mode Network. Time to get neurobiological, as we talk about Parts Battles and sensory subthreshold Hypervigilance tying into our states of perpetual self-limitation.
Key points: neurobiology, default mode network, fear, hypervigilance, somatic sense of self, autobiographical memory, sensory memory, fragmented memory system, self-limiting beliefs, self-limiting programs, fucked up core beliefs, development of PTSD, trauma adaptation, THE AFTERMATH, shame, shutdowns, stagnation, motivation, oppositional programs, self-sabotage, cognitive distortion, self-limiting behavioral programs, parts, living by CPTSD patterns.
How-To Rewire Self-Limiting Beliefs | SLBs Pt. III. September 9th, 2022.
S8E31
So how do we spare ourselves from the REAL threat of trauma? (Lifetimes of Self-limitation) Let’s see what the literature has to say this time. Namely – time matters, therapy approaches make all the difference, and how to work with yerdamnself daily. Time to talk CPT, CBT, WET, Socratic Questioning, and categories of Self-limiting beliefs/mantras.
Key points: neurobiology, default mode network, fear, hypervigilance, autobiographical memory, sensory memory, fragmented memory system, self-limiting beliefs, fucked up core beliefs, development of PTSD, shame, shutdowns, stagnation, motivation, oppositional programs, self-sabotage, cognitive distortion, self-limiting behavioral programs, parts, living by CPTSD patterns, motivate, reintegrate, rewire, CBT, CPT, WET, self-examination, perspectives, mantras, recovery, how-to.
Self-Created Cages | SLBs BONUS. September 16th, 2022.
S8E32. Bonus tiers.
Let’s really break this down and talk about some large-to-smaller sources of our self-limitations. How those become accepted patterns we recreate for our selves. And where Free Will can be regained/retrained.
Key points: life structures, life on PTSD, automatic patterns, fear appearing real, neurobiology, self-limiting beliefs, fucked up core beliefs, shame, shutdowns, stagnation, motivation, oppositional programs, self-sabotage, obligation, family tethers, work, self-limiting behavioral programs, avoidance, parts, living by CPTSD patterns, motivate, self-examination, perspectives, recovery, life change.
The MFRs Take on Self-Limitation Recovery | SLB Pt. IV. September 17th, 2022.
S8E33
Fuckit, here’s more than “how to rewire self-limiting beliefs.” Here’s also the answer to CPTSD recovery. Stabilize, Process, REINTEGRATE. No more limitations.
Key points: self-limiting modes (thoughts, behaviors, emotions, structures, beliefs) neurobiology, parts, sensory memory, fragmented memory system, cohesive autobiographical memory, self-limiting beliefs, fucked up core beliefs, loss of Self, shame, stagnation, motivation, oppositional programs, self-sabotage, inner turmoil, parts battles, cognitive distortion, self-limiting behavioral programs, rewire, self-examination, stabilze, process, integrate, perspectives, recovery, how-to.
CMNTY CoLAB Self-Limitation. September 23rd, 2022.
S8E34
Lez see what you MFs have to say on SLBs and the DMN!
Key points: self-limiting modes, parts, internal family systems, self-doubt, fragmented memory system, cohesive autobiographical memory, self-limiting beliefs, fucked up core beliefs, loss of Self, shame, stagnation, motivation, oppositional programs, self-sabotage, inner turmoil, parts battles, cognitive distortion, self-limiting behavioral programs, rewire, self-examination, stabilze, process, integrate, perspectives, healing, recovery, community, MFs speak, life change.
Overcoming Toxic Shame and Abuse Reactivity. September 30th, 2022.
S8E35. Bonus tiers.
Gotta great member submission and some big thoughts on getting started with Self-Acceptance. Let’s chat off the cuff.
Key points: shame, abuse reactivity, self-limitation, family tethering, self-condemnation, guilt, shame, obligation, self-acceptance, parts, inner work, healing, recovery, triggering circumstances, filial obligation, community, MFs speak.
Season Nine
(back to top)
Context: Living in Atlanta, unhappily in an obligatory friendship/roommate dynamic. Attempting to pull this self back together after a year of destabilization. Making big changes and moving out, autonomous again, through reintegration efforts. The family NC is more necessary than ever, as sibling trauma riles the system.
Episode tone: Applying the research so far and doing the work. Inner work, outer work, and reintegration. Step-by-step how-to and lighter tone.
Episode trends: inner work, outer work, reintegration, stabilization, processing, self-limitation, Self, parts, conscious and subconscious, making changes, leaving trauma patterns, creating new lives.
Intro to Inner Work Month(s?). October 7th, 2022.
S9E0
There’s a lot going on.
1) a mental approach to getting into trauma recovery inner work – using questions about thoughts, memories, and emotions to get deeper and deeper into your psyche.
2) using your body, emotions, and energy to aim for dislodging trauma memories, limitations, and self-judgments.
3) all the details in between.
Key points: inner work, stabilization, processing, reintegration, inner and outer integration, community, here’s what’s coming.
Disintegration of the Self-Structure Caused by Severe Trauma. October 7th, 2022.
S9E1
Let’s hear from this very applicable paper I found as an introduction to Inner Work Month.
Key points: fragmented personalities, fragmented memory systems, inner damage, impact of PTSD, perspective, therapy challenges, self-limitation, loss of Self, healing, research.
Inner work Step One: The Bullshit Crust, October 7th, 2022.
S9E2
“Get over your own bullshit” has a new meaning. Really, we want to get through and under it.
Key points: narratives, self-shaming perspectives, inner critic, poignant emotions, self-judgment, THE AFTERMATH, recovery obstacles, inner work, reintegration, healing, our own bullshit.
1. HOW-TO Use SLBs for Subconscious Discovery – Contacting Self-Limiting Beliefs. October 7th, 2022.
S9E3
This “limitations” conversation is far from over. Let’s get deeper to discover our own personal SLBs by examining our own life and emotional events.
Key points: self-limiting beliefs, inner work, self-discovery, trauma programming, PTSD patterns, fragmented memories, fragmented personalities, loss of self, recovery, healing, inner work, how-to.
2. HOW-TO Use SLBs for Subconscious Discovery – Track and Destroy those SLBs. October 14th, 2022.
S9E4
Let’s keep doing this work! Using our self-limiting beliefs to better unterstand and integrate our selves. TW – don’t do this work if you doubt the grounding/centering skills to bring yourself back from past haunting memories.
Key points: subconscious work, self-limiting beliefs, inner work, self-discovery, trauma programming, PTSD patterns, fragmented memories, fragmented personalities, parts, loss of self, recovery, healing, inner work, how-to.
3. HOW-TO Use SLBs for Subconscious Discovery – Build an Integrated Brain / Life. October 14th, 2022.
S9E5
So now you know your self-limiting parts…. how do we integrate internally and create authentic lives externally?
Key points: subconscious and conscious work, self-limiting beliefs, inner work, self-discovery, trauma programming, PTSD patterns, fragmented memories, autobiographical memories, sense of self, fragmented personalities, parts, loss of self, recovery, healing, inner work, outer work, recalibration, how-to.
1. Ripping off the bandaid | Holistically Heal with Body-Emotional Work. October 22nd, 2022.
S9E6
Actual description: Good news, this MF host has been retraumatized! Which means… now I can re-examine how you crawl your Self back out of it. Let’s talk about the pains and processes of emotional/energetic inner work.
Key points: tackling recovery, self-immersion, no distraction, no escapism, parts healing, body healing, energetic healing, emotional discovery, memory recollection, self-discovery, reintegration, the hard inner work, the body keeps the score.
2. Ripping off the bandaid | Body-Emotional-Energetic Work. October 22nd, 2022.
S9E7
Let’s keep going. Time to get in touch with your body and all its energies intimately.
Key points: tackling recovery, self-immersion, no distraction, no escapism, parts healing, body healing, energetic healing, emotional discovery, memory recollection, self-discovery, reintegration, the hard inner work, the body keeps the score.
Liminal Spaces | Happy Halloween. October 28th, 2022.
S9E8
Just wanted to pop on today to talk about big changes. We’re in a liminal space – a transition period. On the show and in real life, things are shifting FAST! We’re doing all this inner work – now let’s talk about where we’re headed next.
Big moves, Fuckers. Big moves.
Key points: outer integration, inner work, internal integration, healing, lasting recovery, proving this pudding, life changes.
Intro to this Week’s Episode – Barriers to Recovery. November 4th, 2022.
S9E9
We’re going to hear from a good friend of ours this week about a disappointing (current) therapeutic / hospitalized treatment experience… and I think it’s worth validating those barriers to receiving help.
THIS is why we do our own inner work, MFs. So no whackass therapist can convince us to shuttup and put ourselves last again. Protect against retraumatizations by understanding your own brain before someone else takes a swing at it. ✊
Key points: therapy, treatment obstacles, effective therapy, ineffective therapy, therapy trauma, healthcare providers, distrust, trauma treatment, intensive therapy, parts, alters, internal family systems, retraumatization, self-protection, sense of self, belief in self, disappointment but not defeat, community, motivation, MFs speak.
Incanthatus Trauma Hospital Experience Pt I. November 4th, 2022.
S9E10
Our friend and community leader shares their current treatment experience with us.
Key points: therapy, treatment obstacles, effective therapy, ineffective therapy, therapy trauma, healthcare providers, distrust, trauma treatment, intensive therapy, parts, alters, internal family systems, retraumatization, self-protection, sense of self, belief in self, disappointment but not defeat, community, motivation, MFs speak.
“Recovery isn’t working” and other signs of the times. November 5th, 2022.
S9E11. Bonus tiers.
Having a hard time putting inner work into practice? Yah, yer not alone. Let’s talk hangups and hiccups, plus… what we can do next for ourselves to aid the effort.
Key points: societal trauma, healing, healing hang-ups, regression, backslides, ineffective effort, therapy, trauma treatment, parts, alters, internal family systems, retraumatization, self-protection, sense of self, belief in self, disappointment but not defeat, stagnation, motivation, self-compassion, contextualize it, new community.
SUB-C; The t-recovery target. November 11th, 2022.
S9E12.
What lies in between all your loudest screamings of self-hatred, fear, and defeat? Your SUB-C MF. Today, let’s start to get better acquainted.
Key points: subconsciousness vs consciousness, understanding the SUB-C, basis of trauma memories, fragmented memory systems, sensory memories, ghosts in the veins, self-limitation, self-condemnation, self-distrust, parts, shame, fragmented personalities, defeat, entrapment, family of origin, narratives, memory disturbances, cognitive psychology.
SUB-C | Looking down below. November 12th, 2022.
S9E13
Surprise early release because I love you. Alright, so if these subconscious events are so subtle and hard to detect… how do we get started? And once we’re in contact with them, then hwhat are we enabled to do? Let’s work.
Key points: doing the inner discovery for healing, subconsciousness vs consciousness, woring with the SUB-C, basis of trauma memories, fragmented memory systems, sensory memories, ghosts in the veins, self-limitation, self-condemnation, self-distrust, parts, shame, fragmented personalities, defeat, entrapment, family of origin, narratives, memory disturbances, cognitive psychology, reintegration, recovery perspectives, how-to.
Incanthatus: Trauma Hospital Pt II. November 18th, 2022.
S9E14
Let’s check back in with our good friend and community leader, Incanthatus, to hear the more recent developments during their intensive trauma treatment stay and the aftermath. What worked and what can we learn from the pain points? Plus, how does our brain throw us under the bus in *the aftermath* of standing up for our damn selves.
Key points: therapy, treatment obstacles, effective therapy, ineffective therapy, therapy trauma, healthcare providers, distrust, trauma treatment, intensive therapy, parts, alters, internal family systems, retraumatization, self-protection, sense of self, belief in self, disappointment but not defeat, community, motivation, self-empowerment, guilt, fear, THE AFTERMATH of standing up for ones Self, MFs speak.
Reflection on Incanthatus Hospital Experience Pt II. November 18th, 2020.
S9E15
A thousand great points from our good MF friend Incanthatus – let’s reflect on some major takeaways.
Key points: therapy, treatment obstacles, effective therapy, ineffective therapy, therapy trauma, healthcare providers, distrust, trauma treatment, intensive therapy, parts, alters, internal family systems, retraumatization, self-protection, sense of self, belief in self, disappointment but not defeat, community, motivation, self-empowerment, guilt, fear, THE AFTERMATH of standing up for ones Self, MFs speak.
BONUS Version: Reflecting on Incanthatus. November 18th, 2022.
S9E16. Bonus tiers.
A little “personal details” extra for yas, as we take healing lessons from Incanthatus’ updates.
Key points: treatment obstacles, ineffective therapy, therapy trauma, parts, alters, internal family systems, retraumatization, self-protection, sense of self, belief in self, disappointment but not defeat, community, motivation, self-empowerment, guilt, fear, THE AFTERMATH of standing up for ones Self, sibling trauma, family of origin.
Key points: therapy, treatment obstacles, effective therapy, ineffective therapy, therapy trauma, healthcare providers, distrust, trauma treatment, intensive therapy, parts, alters, internal family systems, retraumatization, self-protection, sense of self, belief in self, disappointment but not defeat, community, motivation, self-empowerment, guilt, fear, THE AFTERMATH of standing up for ones Self, MFs speak.
Grounding Meditation by Leanne! November 18th, 2022.
S9E17
“If you do post this voice offering can you please give it a disclaimer that although I talk about acceptance and letting go, I am in no way suggesting that we should take any shit – we are traumatized mother fuckers and we are building brain muscles and boundaries! This meditation is to give us skills and self-knowledge, not to be wimps.”
– Leanne
Key points: grounding, recentering, meditation, guided meditation, acceptance and release, self-empowerment, sense of Self, body awareness, embodiment, nervous system, boundaries, coping skills, trauma treatment, recovery, inner work, healing, community, MFs speak, how-to.
BONUS Meditation for Beginners, by Leanne (& an online course I’m ripping off). November 18th, 2022.
S9E18. Bonus tiers.
Another post from the community to help us get started! Getting grounded and into yer subconscious? Ya want to learn to meditate. Today, our buddy Leanne tells us some of her beginners tips and tricks. AND… I share some recordings that I shouldn’t, so you can practice.
Key points: grounding, recentering, meditation, guided meditation, acceptance and release, self-empowerment, sense of Self, body awareness, embodiment, nervous system, boundaries, coping skills, trauma treatment, recovery, inner work, healing, community, MFs speak, how-to.
🍗🎄 2022 Holiday Special | Contact or No Contact Survival Points. November 22nd, 2022.
S9E19
Here it is, the most wonderful time of year! Don’t abandon your Self this time around. And remember, you’re never in this alone. Join the free holiday support community through the original post.
Key points: the most wonderful time of the year, boundariesboundariesboundaries, set social expectations, exit strategies, imbibing, don’t engage, follow-through, self-protection, triggerings, family of origin, non-reactivity, no contact, limited contact, loneliness, FOMO, social media, design your own holiday, healing, recovery, obligation, temporary or permanent, hail your perspectives, new life, community, you’re not alone.
BONUS | Neurolinguistic Exploration of the SUB-C Exercise. November 25th, 2022.
S9E20. Bonus tiers.
We’re watching our own insides, we’re listening, and we’re hearing… some words that cause a lot of unwanted internal changes while throwing your brain off a MF cliff. Womp.
So what do we do next? We confront and work with those words to better understand why they hold such a weight, and redefine them so we can move forwards without our own thoughts triggering us to high-hell.
Let’s do an exercise.
Key points: neurolinguistics, the SUB-C, consciousness and subconsciousness, narratives, social learning, societal trauma, fragmented memories, loaded words, ghosts in the veins, Interpretation, Real Definition, Gender/racism/ageism trends, Emotions and fears, Self-limiting Beliefs, Big Takeaway Messages, rewire, heal, recover, exercise, how-to.
Six Pillars of Physical Reintegration. December 2nd, 2022.
S9E21
… and one of them isn’t “yoga your way through it.” Though it can help.
Today, we’re talking about what the literature has to say – not much, see prior sentence. And then what this MF has come to find, through personal and community experience. I’ve got six pillars of reintegration for you to focus on, and I think they’re clearer than “take care of yourself and make supportive friends.” It’s a SUPER integrative episode, pulling strings from so many things we’ve learned together so far.
Key points: inner work becomes outer work, reintegration, integrate your life, parts, autobiographical memory, body awareness, embodiment of self, actual self-care, locus of control, self-safety, autonomy, relationship dissipation and reformation, support networks, animal friends, healing, long-lasting recovery, continued progress, research, self-experimentation, real life change, redesigning lives, community, review.
Physical Integration II: changes in immediate environment. December 9th, 2022.
S9E22
Work on your insides, work on your outsides. First, in your home and immediate daily environment. Today, talking practical steps for accomplishing these lofty conceptual measures. No, “doing yoga” isn’t make a reappearance. Let’s try some new stuff.
Key points: behavioral change, reintegration, parts, autobiographical memory, body awareness, embodiment of self, actual self-care, locus of control, self-safety, autonomy, relationship dissipation and reformation, support networks, animal friends, healing, long-lasting recovery, continued progress, research, self-experimentation, real life change, redesigning lives.
Physical reintegration Pt III: Life expansion! December 16th, 2022.
S9E23
Time to change lives, not just brains and trauma bubbles. Let’s talk about self-expansion and life-expansion, as we’re leaving our trauma-derived lives in the dust.
Key points: behavioral change, reintegration, parts, autobiographical memory, body awareness, embodiment of self, actual self-care, locus of control, self-safety, autonomy, relationship dissipation and reformation, support networks, animal friends, healing, long-lasting recovery, continued progress, research, self-experimentation, real life change, redesigning lives.
Merry Fistmas MF | Mental Preparation Points. December 22nd, 2022.
S9E24
Hear those bells ringing. Get clear on what you’re facing this weekend and see it as an opportunity for doing right by yer Self.
Key points: holiday survival, family of origin, no contact, boundaries, self-care, Self, reactivity, coping.
Upcoming Flurry of MFs Speaks! December 31st. 2022.
S9E25
Lots to say from around the community – let’s catchup on insightful recordings. Wanna record your own story or healing measure? Send it to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com anytime!
Key points: MF Speaks, community
Sara and the NC decision | MFs Speak. December 31st, 2022.
S9E26
Our pal Sara sits down to discuss the decision to go NC with her mother, the factors that had to be put into place, and the ongoing choice to stay disconnected.
Key points: No contact, maternal trauma, family of origin, narcissism, new relationships, protection, boundaries, MFs Speak.
Katiekat and the charging rhino | MFs Speak. January 1st, 2023.
S9E27
Let’s hear from a friend of the Blanket Fort Community on their recent experience with a frustrated perfectionistic part vs. relationships.
Key points: perfectionism, relationships, responsibility, caregiving, CPTSD relationships, parts, DID, fragmentation, conflict, conflict resolution, MFs Speak.
Lee and healing through somatic therapy | MFs Speak. January 6th, 2023.
S9E28
Today Lee records-in to share her early life conditions (TW), resulting health and hormonal traumas, and taking healing measures for herself and others.
Key points: somatic experience, somatic therapy, psychosomatic illness, body trauma, hormonal imbalance, healing, vagal, early life trauma, MFs Speak.
Incanthatus on Rewriting the Past, a Literary Therapeutic Intervention. January 8th, 2022.
S9E29
Let’s hear from our community leader, Incanthatus, on working with young parts for Inner Work month!’
Key points: internal family systems, alters, parts, self-acceptance, self-limiting beliefs, inner work, self-discovery, trauma programming, PTSD patterns, fragmented memories, fragmented personalities, loss of self, recovery, healing, community, MFs speak.
Incanthatus and building trust in the New Year | MFs Speak! January 13th, 2023.
S9E30
Who dropped the ball on putting out a NY episode? This guy right here. Luckily, a MF was ON IT. Today, let’s hear from our community comrade, Incanthatus, reflecting on a lifetime without trustworthiness in Self or others… and the ways they intend to run 2023 differently. Plus, some parts prompts for moving the trustworthiness bar this year, yerdamnself.
Key points: processing, brain operations, closing chapters, narratives, trust, self-trust, Self, holiday, MFs Speak.
Jess and the big changes | MFs Speak! January 13th, 2023.
S9E31
Big news comin at you, from project and personal perspectives. Tune in, or yer gonna be surprised moving forward!
Key points: community changes, MFs Speak, trauma healing, behind the scenes, community healing.
Season Ten
(back to top)
Context: Now living alone in South Carolina, dealing with the past 2 years of backlogged trauma and ongoing harassment. ISOLATION takes over, and rethinking relationships shortly follows.
Episode tone: Wondering if relationships ARE a necessary part of recovery, after a long bout of lone-wolfing. Researching and relearning relationship basics, in conjunction with Internal Family Systems thinking.
Episode trends: Loneliness, Internal Family Systems, parts, relationship avoidance, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, relationship recovery benefits, conflict, navigating internal conflict in relationship, detecting good relational partners, apologies, healthy disagreements and communication skills, relational repair.
Intro to Season Ten & BIG CHANGES. January 15th, 2023.
S10E0
Ogtha. Sometimes you rigidly do a thing “for safety” even though it’s not working, beating yer damn head against a wall indefinitely with protective parts driving the show.
And sometimes you realize, “If I just fucking stop and ask what’s going wrong, there are solutions for greater good.”
Key points: disclosure fears, rigidity, rigid patterns, “should,” stagnancy, integration, recovery.
Loneliness in CPTSD Pt I | The research basics. January 15th, 2023.
S10E1
Let’s learn about “loneliness” and its assorted categories, consequences, and commonalities among trauma sufferers.
I think we all know, whether it’s peer reviewed information or not… Mental illness AND mental illness recovery is fucccccking lonely. In fact, it’s one of the things that plagues us the most. Even when you’re steadily improving your brain and life, there’s nothing like looking up from your inner work and realizing it’s become a ghost town around you.
Key points: loneliness, isolation, social withdrawal, emotional loneliness, social loneliness, purpose, connection, health hazards, looping patterns, research.
Loneliness and CPTSD Pt II | The full experience and power of. January 20th, 2023.
S10E2
A lot has been said already that’s ripe for reflection, I’d say. BUT what the research didn’t full capture, was… the actual experience of it, through all stages of “CPTSD and recovery.”
Plus, a few more interesting research tidbits to reframe this whole lonely conversation.
Key points: utility of loneliness, pain for change, isolation, social withdrawal, emotional loneliness, social loneliness, purpose, connection, post traumatic growth factors, gender differences, research.
AL’s maladaptive dreaming and the exhausting relationship dance | MFs Speak! January 27th, 2023.
S10E3
Let’s hear from our friend of the community, AL (Alicia), for the first time! Hear about being the preacher’s daughter, exiling friend groups, and maladaptive dreaming as a coping tool.
Key points: loneliness, daydreaming, fantasy, maladaptive?, coping, indoctrination, lost relationships, independence, MFs Speak.
Leanne “Alone is not Lonely” | MFs Speak! January 27th, 2023.
S10E4
You know the voice by now… it’s our MF from downunda, Leanne! She’s back today to talk about the RELIEF of being alone after a lifetime of serving others, and finding safe community outside the home. For some of us, being alone is not always lonely.
Key points: utility of isolation, withdrawal, social insulation, self-protection, space, benefits of independence, autonomy, building community, MFs Speak.
BONUS Incanthatus x Shelby Interview Pts I & II | MFs Speak! January 27th, 2023.
S10E5 Bonus Tiers.
A TMFR first! Our community captain, Incanthatus, meets with fellow friend of the Blanket Fort, Shelby, to talk all things CPTSD.
Key points: relationship issues, recovery partners, rebuilding connections, social support, CPTSD relationship pitfalls, relational trauma, loneliness, isolation, MFs Speak, interview.
Incanthatus x Shelby Interview Pt III | MFs Speak! January 27th, 2023.
S10E6
In this final segment of the conversation, Incanthatus and Shelby dive into loneliness and relationship challenges on CPTSD.
Key points: relationship issues, recovery partners, rebuilding connections, social support, CPTSD relationship pitfalls, relational trauma, loneliness, isolation, MFs Speak, interview.
Kyle and the Flavors of Loneliness Pt I | MFs Speak! January 27th, 2023.
S10E7
Today we’re going to hear part one of Kyle’s reflection on loneliness, examined through trends of felt experiences! Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3 next month, as we get clear on how IFS interplays with loneliness!
Key points: loneliness across a lifetime, social isolation, insulation, growing pains, early CPTSD, sexuality, shame, fear, recovery, parts, MFs Speak.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy Pt I – Intro and Background. February 3rd, 2023.
S10E8
We’ve talked “parts” plenty of times. But today, we’re discussing the framework that actually helps us to understand the often polarized “roles” in our brains, which were drafted from experiences in our broader social systems.
Talking systems thinking, managers, exiles, and distractors, for your inner healing
Key points: Internal Family Systems, parts, internal conflict, self-protection, rigidity, shame, lost memories, fragmentation, Managers, Exiles, Distractors, Self, social systems, roles, learned identities, ego problems, identities, behavioral patterns, burdens, core wounds, integration, inner work, research.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Pt II – How to heal. February 10th, 2023.
S10E9
So you know more about your polarized inner world from last time – how it can be seen spread between three clarifying categories of “parts.”
Today, we’re going to talk about actually healing those parts. We don’t try to manage our managers, we use another tool, entirely. The Self.
Key points: Internal Family Systems, parts, internal conflict, self-protection, rigidity, shame, lost memories, fragmentation, Managers, Exiles, Distractors, Self, social systems, roles, learned identities, ego problems, identities, behavioral patterns, burdens, core wounds, integration, inner work, self-healing, research, how-to.
BONUS: Tools to accompany IFS work | “Letting Go” and “Brainspotting”.Febrary 11th, 2023.
S10E10 Bonus tiers.
Coming back with some extra techniques to apply alongside yer IFS work to deepen the heal and parts accessibility! Today, let’s talk about “Letting Go” by Richard R Hawkins and “Brainspotting” by David Grand.
Key points: Internal Family Systems, Brainspotting, Letting go, inner work, tools, resources, lost memories, parts, self-healing, wounds, psychosomatic, EMDR, research, how-to.
Jess and IFS in Family Recontact | MFs Speak! February 17th, 2023.
S10E11
So my year started out in a potentially-disasterous way, I expected complete brain-destruction… But instead, it wound up being the most clarifying and healing journey I’ve taken. All due to real-time application of IFS and understanding the ways I was neglecting and abusing myself when my family wasn’t around to do it for me.
Here’s how I suggest getting started with IFS and my real life story.
Key points: No contact / Recontact, family of origin, Internal Family Systems, parts, wounds, burdens, self-healing, emotional management, trauma excavations.
Leanne’s Parts Work by IFS | MFs Speak! February 17th, 2023.
S10E12
Today our good chum Leanne speaks about easing her way into the parts work, and her first attempt applying IFS to the system. Two recordings in one, MFs. Lots to reflect on, especially while starting your own self-system-studies.
Key points: Internal family systems, parts, inner work, healing, burdens, wounds, tools, self-healing, lost memories, MFs Speak.
Juri and the legacy burdens | MFs Speak! February 24th, 2023.
S10E13
Let’s hear from an alter of our pal of the Discord and MF community today! Talking about the depths of IFS legacy burdens (AKA the parts pains passed down through generations).
Key points: parts, DID, alters, internal systems, identities, gender, sexuality, shame, family of origin, self-limitation, integration, progress, make life change, MFs Speak.
Kyle’s Reflections on Accidental Music Therapy x IFS | MFs Speak! February 24th, 2023.
S10E14
Today we’ve got a treat for ya, an episode from yer fellow Fucker Kyle discussing the utility of music for working with parts. Let’s hear about delving into music therapy for brain healing!
Key points: Internal family systems, parts work, self-healing, music, recovery, coping, inner work, wounds, shame, MFs Speak.
BONUS Jess the Misanthropic Drunken Loner | MFs Speak. February 24th, 2023
S10E15 Bonus tiers.
Loneliness – an all or nothing experience. For this MF, because it’s so closely linked to manager and exiled parts.
Key points: loneliness, self-protection, trauma coping, learned social isolation, insulation, early CPTSD, my story, music, MFs Speak.
BONUS Loneliness x IFS with Gaslight Jess | MFs Speak! February 24th, 2023.
S10E16 Bonus tiers.
It was February 24th, 2008. We were standing outside in the snow at 1am, dragged into the tundra by cops. Leading to one particular experience of loneliness that can only be described by a particular Anthem.
Talking about getting back in touch with exiled parts through revisiting parasocial relationships, and finding the reasons for those suppressed pieces on the other side of it. Exiled relationships and exiled versions of self, discovered through ghostly subconscious tunes.
Key points: loneliness, social isolation, insulation, early CPTSD, my story, music, MFs Speak.
Clearing up Controversies around IFS | Tune in if you’ve had hangups. March 3rd, 2023.
S10E17
We introduced Internal Family Systems last month… but from that little book report, it’s clear that there’s a lot of resistance around some of the points of IFS. Rather than moving on, I’d prefer to give you the greenlight to trying to work with this powerful tool.
Let’s come back (unexpectedly) to talk more deeply about the “oh hell no” parts, and see if we can better explain things from an experiential lens rather than the lit…So you can see the utility of IFS and find some relief from your brain.
Key points: Internal family systems, controversy, parts, inner work, tools for recovery, how-to, symptom relief, Self, self-healing.
Clarifying the Process and Benefits of IFS | Reap the relief. March 10th, 2023.
S10E18
We’re back one more time to continue talking about Internal Family Systems from a less bookish approach. I wouldn’t keep at it if I didn’t think it mattered, I can tell you that much.
So today, let’s talk about the best ways (so far) to start doing this work and the real benefits of it. Including, ability to meditate, freedom from complusions, and dissolving your worst habits.
Key points: Internal family systems, parts, tools, how-to, relief, symptoms, ego problems, identities, behavioral patterns, bad habits, addiction, avoidance, rigidity, recovery how-to.
BONUS Exercise | Your “victims” and “villains.” March 10th, 2023.
S10E19 Bonus tiers.
IFS is a great approach, but sometimes it’s hard to get into those parts and characterize them with just “manager, exile, and distractor” labels. We might miss out on some of the neural bundles in there. Here’s another approach to getting acquainted with pieces of your programming, and understanding the boomeranging relationships between them!
Key points: Internal family systems, parts, inner work, self-understanding, trauma programming, trauma narratives, limiting beliefs, relationships, shame, ego problems, identities, behavioral patterns, exercise.
Interview: IFS, Parts, and Alters with Kyle and Inca | MFs Speak! March 17th, 2023.
S10E20
Enough of my droning. Let’s hear from two of the community experts on parts and alters, talking together about their experiences with system work.
Key points: alters, DID, Internal family systems, parts, tools, how-to, inner work, self-discovery, self-healing, relief, symptoms, identities, behavioral patterns, bad habits, addiction, avoidance, rigidity, recovery how-to, MFs Speak, interview.
Interview pt II: IFS, Parts, and Alters with Kyle and Inca | MFs Speak! March 24th, 2023.
S10E21
And the conversation keeps rolling. Today, diving in deeper with parts and alters, straight from the mouths of the MFs who lead the systems revolution.
Key points: alters, DID, Internal family systems, parts, tools, how-to, inner work, self-discovery, self-healing, relief, symptoms, identities, behavioral patterns, bad habits, addiction, avoidance, rigidity, recovery how-to, MFs Speak, interview.
Intro to Yer Brain vs. Relationships | Vulnerability, Trust, Intimacy, Parts, and Communication. March 31st, 2023.
S10E22
We’re heading into a long spell of deep diving. Talking about what stops us from having close interpersonal relationships… and what fucks them up even once they’re rolling.
Key points: relationships on CPTSD, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, internal family systems, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, learned introversion, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, self-protection.
Vulnerability, Intimacy, and Trust pt I – Why we can’t form meaningful relationships. March 31st, 2023.
S10E23
We want relationships, we fear relationships, we sortof fuck up relationships…. But all from an adaptive, self-protective place.
Let’s talk about the barriers to healthy relationship essentials – developing cognitive programs barring vulnerability, intimacy, and trust.
Key points: relationships on CPTSD, high risk sexual behavior, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, internal family systems, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, learned introversion, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, self-protection, research.
Vulnerability, Intimacy, and Trust pt II – Fostering relational personality traits. April 7th 2023.
S10E24
So, we’ve heard a lot of the trauma-hangups around intimate relationships… now how do we work to rewire those instincts?
Key points: self-protection, relationships on CPTSD, high risk sexual behavior, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, internal family systems, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, learned introversion, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, research.
VIT Pt III – “Ah hell no” – Learned Obstacles to Vulnerability and Trust in Relationships. April 14th, 2023.
S10E25
Why don’t we sign up for close connections anymore? Let’s use this extra weekend in April to talk about it from an experiential standpoint, integrating what we’ve heard from the research with real life brain operations.
Key points: self-protection, relationships on CPTSD, learned introversion, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, internal family systems, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships.
BONUS | Examining yer VIT narratives and assumptions. April 14th, 2023.
S10E26 Bonus tiers.
We don’t like letting people get too close. We have our reasons. Plenty of em. Let’s take a look at what those reasons are and question their validity.
Key points: narrative review, perspective, reframe, self-protection, relationships on CPTSD, learned introversion, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, exercise, how-to.
Re-examining and rebuilding relationships influenced by parental patterns with Black, Inca, and Misa | MFs Speak! April 21st, 2023.
S10E27
Let’s talk about relationship revelations, reconnections, and rebuilds. Especially, as they relate to direct and indirect parental relationships.. and mother. Here’s a tale of rewriting old, traum-insideous, dynamics to create healing ones.
Today we’re hearing from community pillars Black and Incanthatus, and their friend Misa, on lifetime histories of toxic relationships and partner misunderstandings through the CPTSD obstacles of isolation, self-protection, and unhealthy parental influences.
Key points: reconnection, reframing history, maternal trauma, family of origin, family patterns, triangulation, competition, self-protection, relationships on CPTSD, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, isolation, relational avoidance, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, MFs Speak.
BONUS BONUS | Examining grating relationship triggers and redesigning future dynamics for need fulfillment. April 22nd, 2023.
S10E28 Bonus tiers.
Ever feel like you “react wrong” to “normal things” in relationships? (Hand is raised sky high over here)
Let’s do a mini exercise, looking at past relationship patterns that created agitation and disconnection. Start exploring their historical basis in early life. And reconsider what “correct” relationship dynamics would look like FOR YOU, rather than relying on societal norms to frame our future connections.
Key points: needs, wounds, narrative review, perspective, reframe, self-protection, relationships on CPTSD, learned introversion, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, exercise, how-to.
VIT & the Workplace. Back to work after 1 year of leave with Incanthatus | MFs Speak! April 28th, 2023.
S10E29
Ever found yourself in a position of revealing your mental health struggles with coworkers, bosses, and red-taping practitioners?
Let’s hear on life updates from Incanthatus that challenged those anti-VIT instincts. Returning to the office after a year of medical absence, and re-engaging with folks who have varying degrees of knowledge and emotional intelligence… requiring an extension of VIT while maintaining the professional face.
Key points: workplace trauma, work on CPTSD, medical leave, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, reconnection, self-protection, relationships on CPTSD, connection barriers to social support, communication, parts, isolation, relational avoidance, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, MFs Speak.
VIT: When the perp is your savior by Leanne | MFs Speak! April 28th, 2023.S
S10E30
We all probably realized it: our VIT issues generally start with the FOO (family of origin). But can you remember the specific, early, instances that planted those seeds?
Let’s hear from our good pal Leanne, discussing an extremely young and impactful experience with the woman who raised her (TWWRM). And consider what close, trusting relationship issues could result from these childhood programs being installed in the memory bank.
Key points: emotional abuse, biological needs, early wounds, perspective, self-protection, relationships on CPTSD, learned introversion, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, MFs Speak.
Disorganized attachment through IFS | YOUR Parts in Relationship Pt I. May 5th, 2023.
S10E31
We want what we fear most: relationships. Now let’s look at the problem from an IFS viewpoint. How do your parts fuck up your relationship attempts? It’s a long, ongoing conversation. Let’s get started by learning about common parts problems that confuse and complicate our interpersonal attempts.
Key points: relationships x internal family systems, internal conflict, needs, wounds, narrative review, perspective, reframe, self-protection, relationships on CPTSD, learned introversion, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, reprogramming.
Projection, unfulfilled needs, abuse, and self-fulfilling prophecies | YOUR parts in Relationship Pt II. May 12th, 2023.
S10E32
What challenges come up in relationship when we’re not attending to our own inner worlds? Talking about conscious and subconscious identities creating relational trauma – for us and them.
Key points: relationships x internal family systems, internal conflict, needs, wounds, self-sabotage, self-fulfilling prophecies, narrative review, perspective, reframe, self-protection, relationships on CPTSD, learned introversion, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, reprogramming.
Happy Anniversary Happy Hour! Gotta gush, git personal, and give good news. May 12th, 2023.
S10E33
Lemme just car-record some real talk at you. And chat about what’s really going down behind all the research. Thanks for 3 unexpected years together, Fuckers. We did this together, and it wouldn’t be possible without you.
Key points: community development, changes, my story, many thanks, cheers to you.
VIT BONUS | Uncovering layers of relationship narratives and unfulfilled needs. May 16th, 2023.
S10E34 Bonus tiers.
If we need internal VIT to form healthy external relationships, how do we get started? Most of us don’t know what our relationship wounds and needs really are, or the ways we use self-defense strategies to stop ourselves from finding out.
So let’s run down a method and rationale for self-discovery through IFS/Self embodiment and start revealing the hidden secrets of your psyche. What are you really afraid of, Fucker? And how do those fears generalize into relational avoidance?
Key points: inner work, narratives, needs, wounds, narrative review, perspective, reframe, self-protection, relationships on CPTSD, learned introversion, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, exercise, how-to.
Shelby and Emotional Intelligence > Cognitive Controlling in Relationship | MFs Speak! May 19th, 2023.
S10E35
Today let’s hear from Shelby, in a most excellent rundown of the importance of emotional intelligence, internal awareness, managing our time orientation, and using multilayered perspectives to stay rooted in the reality of the present. It’s a great episode – be sure to tune in to this one, and share your gratitude to Shelby for the well researched share.
Key points: nonviolent communication, emotional intelligence, empathetic listening, relationships on CPTSD, control, needs, wounds, self-protection, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, MFs Speak.
VIT: Kyle and learning to receive kindness through internal work | MFs Speak! May19th, 2023.
S10E36
GIVING vulnerability, intimacy, and trust is hard enough… but how about receiving it? What happens when your parts don’t know how to accept kindness? When you’re still carrying memories of unfulfilled needs and learned fear of striving for their satiation?
Today let’s hear from pillar of the community, Kyle, as he relays an experience of suspiciousness and internal struggle to accept a mysterious gift… And then uses the experience to launch into internal vulnerability, intimacy, and trust.
Key points: receiving care, acknowledging needs, accepting love, relationships on CPTSD, wounds, self-protection, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, MFs Speak.
Practical Self Compassion with Shelby | MFs Speak! May 26th, 2023.
S10E37
Recognize thyn own parts before they try to control others! Let’s hear more about the model of nonviolent communication that relies on first understanding what lurks inside of us and ties in IFS work to achieve the goal, via the mouth of our community comrade Shelby.
Key points: nonviolent communication, emotional intelligence, empathetic listening, relationships on CPTSD, control, needs, wounds, self-protection, connection, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, barriers to social support, communication, parts, loneliness, isolation, relational avoidance, human fear, rethinking relationships, rebuilding relationships, MFs Speak.
Inca’s self-compassionate life reintegration success | MFs Speak! May 26th, 2023.
S10E38
Let’s talk about the results of getting internally acquainted and honest with our conscious and subconscious parts; pursuing healing life changes and re-examining our “purpose” on the planet.
Key points: self-trust, self-compassion, reintegration, big changes, purpose, parts, alters, DID, conscious parts, subconscious parts, healing, return to work on CPTSD, art therapy, MFs Speak.
Why “authentic love” doesn’t last: Parts on Parts violence between partners PT I. June 2nd, 2023.
S10E39
What’s the basis for our initial deep connections? And where does that get lost along the way? Locking both partners in “mutual personal hells” that tap on our worst self-fears and oldest wounds.
Gotta say, this one probably needs to be heard by everyone, not just the self-identifying TMFRs.
Key points: love, lost love, care, early connection, lost connection, Self, parts, life triggers, family of origin, disintegration, internal systems, internal family systems, resentment, withdrawal, relationships on CPTSD, relationship problems, social stress, relational trauma, research.
Why “healthy communication and expectation” doesn’t exist: Parts between partners PT 2. June 9th, 2023.
S10E40
How do we approach relationships alllll wrong? What are we really doing with our chosen partners and reptitive patterns of conflict? And why can’t see seem to communicate effectively to make any progress together?
We’re looking at couples’ relationship destruction through an IFS lens, and getting self-accountable for the ways we might be (protectively) fucking it all up.
Key points: love, connection, relationships, communication, internal family systems, couples counseling, couples therapy, empathetic listening, u-turn to return, internal conflict, relational conflict, unresolvable issues, parts, self-protection, projection, introjection, roles, protector parts, relational skills, self-intimacy, healing in relationship, clinical psychology, research.
Healing hellish communication and re-instating authentic love | Parts on Parts violence between partners PT 3. June 16th, 2023.
S10E41
With all these parts problems raging within relationships, how do we break the cycle?
What are the self-regulation and communication tactics we need to learn to stop ourselves from fighting and fleeing away from fearful connections?
Key points: love, connection, relationships, communication, internal family systems, couples counseling, couples therapy, empathetic listening, u-turn to return, internal conflict, relational conflict, unresolvable issues, parts, self-protection, projection, introjection, roles, protector parts, relational skills, self-intimacy, healing in relationship, clinical psychology, research, how-to.
Dominic’s filial obligation to misery-spreading father parts | MFs Speak! June 23rd, 2023.
S10E42
Today we hear from a first-time recorder, Dominic, about his lifetime of paternal abuse and filial obligation. Asking the big questions: When is “enough enough” as we care for the people who never cared for us… or even themselves?
We’ll hear the story of 30-some years of fatherly misery and lessons learned so far. Then I’ll pop in with my notes and thought-gestions, with a warning of woo.
Key points: filial obligation, relationships on CPTSD, abuse patterns, generational trauma, psychosomatic illness, obligatory relationships, caregiving, family of origin, programming, internal family systems, parts, wounds, need fulfillment, love, self-rejection, subconscious parts, woo, MFs Speak.
BONUS Disclosure followthrough: behind the scenes in traumarific times. June 23rd, 2023.
S10E43 Bonus tiers
I got terrible at something in the past year or so; relational self-disclosure and expression. For protective reasons. Here are a few of the reasons why, and where the tone of this show is headed for July… now that I’m breaking the seal before I psych myself out.
Key points: learned introversion, relational trauma, abuse, bullying, harassment, disclosure, isolation,, connection, self-protection, relationships, communication, internal family systems, internal conflict, relational conflict, unresolvable issues, parts, projection, introjection, roles, backslides, my story, MFs Speak.
A to your Q: Stunting F responses in relationships. June 24th, 2023.
S10E44
Ya asked, I didn’t want to forget to answer. How do we “get over” fight/flight in conflict so we can master Intimacy from the Inside Out?
Key points: F responses, reactivity, relationships, communication, rebuilding connections, AMA.
Worthlessness wounds, Burden parts, and self-slaying Punishers with Leanne | MFs Speak! June 30th, 2023.
S10E45
It’s a double dose of recordings by Leanne and commentary by this MF! Today, we’ll talk about the core wound of “worthlessness” that often underlies a multitude of our repetitive trauma experiences. Then, we’ll hear about two newly discovered Parts of Leanne’s brain; the Burden and the Punisher. Plus, how a MF is working with these trauma excavations for a healthier life.
Key points: parts, protectors, burdens, worthlessness, punishment, self-scrutiny, self-care, wounds, shame, hidden parts, lost memories, looping patterns, relationships, abuse acceptance, healing, self-discovery, trauma excavations, maternal trauma, family of origin, relational abuse, siblings, MFs Speak.
Visiting family and life updates with Incanthatus | MFs Speak! June 30th, 2023.
S10E46
This time round, we’re hearing two stories from our buddy Inca! Let’s hear about their…
Life Updates; progress in transgender treatment and support, creating an NPD-self-workbook, big anniversary news, and continued certifications for helping others!
Adventures in Visiting Family {CSA TW}; reflecting on VIT with “safe” family members, dangers of sharing life progress, filial ‘gratitude debt’, t-generational dynamics, corrective experiences, psychosomatic symptoms, and healing through relating.
Key points: integration, finding purpose, art therapy, NPD, safe family, disclosure fears, psychosomatic, relational healing, family patterns, no contact, big changes, progress, MFs Speak.
Enough Fluff – Relational “Real Talk” | Setting course for July. July 7th, 2023
S10E47
The past months of material may have been a shock to the system – where’s all this idealistic relational information coming from? Well, first, let me tell you the personal situation behind the sea change.
This month we’ll cover: How do you know when you’re “picking up a vibe” from someone, rather than a historical trauma triggering? Are there methods for peeking into someone else’s parts, through examining their broader life systems, roles, and upbringing? And what common relationship mishaps / misbehaviors might be explained by invisible internal battles?
Let’s talk about it. And let’s also remember… these episodes are for our own self-reflection, not diagnosing or externalizing blame to others.
Key points: relational real talk, rebuilding relationships safely, boundaries, self-trust, historical triggerings, parts in your partner, understanding others, somatic detection, empathetic learning, self-reflection, projection, connection, social support, avoiding abuse repeats.
Extra “survival Fs” to give in relationship; Fronting and Feigning. July 7th, 2023.
S10E48
We all know about the 4 survival Fs at this point. But how about the additional F reactions- Fronting and Feigning? Let’s talk about learned reactions that keep us feeling safe in relationship… while rotting out the connection, engaging manipulation tactics, and using fear as a self-defense.
Key points: survival Fs in relationship, self-protection, learned helplessness, fronting, feigning, covert abuse, power imbalances, resentment, CPTSD relationships, self-defense, manipulation, conflict, reactivity, learned patterns, subconscious programs.
Somatic understanding of “Parts” in others… before you commit to a shitlationship. July 14th, 2023.
S10E49
We can’t predict what the future will hold or rigidly mentalize about other people’s brains, but we CAN be real with ourselves about what lives inside of us that might NOT be able to healthily proceed with another person.
Let’s talk about actually honoring your internal “vibes” around others. Using them to understand what needs to be worked on, still, inside of you. And try to make sense of what these energetic shifts all mean about your potential for beneficial connection together.
Key points: relationships x internal family systems, parts, somatic awareness, honoring self-experiences, connection, safely rebuilding relationships, choosing relational partners, shared trauma histories, relationships on CPTSD, social support, decisions before commitment.
Sensing “energies” in potential partners, and what it all means. July 14th, 2023.
S10E50
If the IFS approach isn’t for you, this episode might be. Let’s talk about the validity of “energy” as the biological force driving everything and something we can sense in others. Then, what those “energies” we detect might mean about the potential for the relationship. And finally, how to proceed safely as we try to figure it all out.
Key points: subconscious detection, triggers vs. real life, self-validation, biological energy, safely rebuilding relationships, choosing relational partners, shared trauma histories, relationships on CPTSD, somatic awareness, programming, decisions before commitment.
Assessing potential partner’s parts through their social systems. July 21st, 2023.
S10E51
We internalize the external systems we have to engage with, structuring our brains to be similar (or counteractively the complete opposite). But no one else can see the many layers of programming we carry – and we’re often unaware of the ways the past is influencing the present, our damn selves.
Today, let’s keep talking about identifying parts in our relational partners to decide whether or not the association is one we can healthily commit to.
This time, we’ll do it by way of examining their broad and specific social systems… as well as their reactions to all of them. Considering generational, local, educational, occupational, religious, and family structures – who did your relationship comrade learn they were supposed to be? And therefore, what parts might they be repressing?
Key points: social systems, introjection, parts, roles, identities, empathetic understanding, self-reflection, subconscious detection, triggers vs. real life, self-validation, safely rebuilding relationships, choosing relational partners, shared trauma histories, relationships on CPTSD, developmental adaptation, programming, decisions before commitment.
Ignoring Red Flags; a real life nightmare. July 28th, 2023.
S10E52.
This month we talked about the real difficulty in starting healthy relationships – choosing the right partner. We discussed honoring what we feel in our bodies around others and examining their social systems to understand who they’ve learned to be.
Now let’s talk about a true life example of what happens when we DON’T… and the advice I would give anyone to avoid the same terror.
Key points: relationship beginnings, choosing partners, red flags, energy, somatic sensing, instinct, trigger, boundaries, learned roles, emotional offloading, anxious attachment, control tactics, my story.
Season Eleven
(back to top)
Context: The economy wins and I’m back in “the family circle” through relocation to Illinois. Living in an RV and relying on mama narc for a place to park, the core wounds are wailing…. and yet… recovery begins.
Episode tone: Coming to terms with relational wounds and seeking the gray tones in B&W situations.
Episode trends: relational communication, nonviolent communication process, HUMAN NEEDS, deprivation, enmeshment, relationship loose ends.
Relational rupture, without repair | The crux of it all . July 28th, 2023.
S11E1.
Turns out, relational rupture will always take place to some extent. But what really matters is repairing the connection with a simple phrase, “you’re seen, you’re heard, you’re understood, and you’re still loved,” after conflict.
Let’s talk about the real “crux of the relational destruction issue” today.
Key points: relational rupture and repair, commitment to healing, relationships on CPTSD, relational abuse, family of origin, conflict programming, self-protection, mutual care, needs fulfillment, social support, empathy, u-turn to return, rebuilding relationships, relationships for healing.
14 types of non-apology apologies & how-to do them better. August 11th, 2023.
S11E2.
How we say “I’m sorry” really matters. Let’s talk about ways that people do it poorly, and what those half-assed apologies actually mean. “I’m sorry IF, YOU, or BUT…” definitely included.
Key points: relational rupture and repair, commitment to healing, relationships on CPTSD, relational abuse, manipulation, self-protection, control, projection, needs fulfillment, empathy, rebuilding relationships, scapegoating, accountability, avoidance, conflict, reparation.
Rewiring your deepest wounds with conflict resolution. August 18th, 2023.
S11E3.
What if relational conflict was the answer to healing self-destructive thoughts and harmful lifelong narratives?
Key points: relational rupture and repair, commitment to healing, relationships on CPTSD, relational abuse, family of origin, conflict programming, self-protection, mutual care, needs fulfillment, social support, empathy, u-turn to return, rebuilding relationships, relationships for healing, core wounds, corrective experiences, acceptance, vulnerability, trust.
BONUS
BONUS
BONUS
BONUS
BONUS
BONUS ! August 21st, 2023.
But they secret unless you’re subscribing at the bonus tier.
Key points: whatcha figure out as a PTSD researcher still surrounded by trauma.
Rerelease | Learning to Live with CPTSD | Archie As A Metaphor. August 25th, 2023.
S11E4.
Born “different.” Overcoming challenges that “normal” species members don’t even notice. Constantly falling on the face. Flailing. Sometimes, freezing up with overstimulation. But always getting up and trying again. Today, I’m talking about my wheeliepup Archie… As a metaphor. How does one wobbly dog exemplify the struggles of Complex Trauma? Or am I finally losing it as we stumble around the yard every day?
** RERELEASED on the anniversary of Archie’s transition to running free on the nonphysical plane. ** Thank you for keeping his memory alive with me, Fuckers. Always hail Archie.
Key points: CPTSD recovery, early recovery, regression, resilience, inspiration, motivation, animals, rewire, rehabilitation, cerebellar hypoplasia, loss, grief, gratitude, Hail Archie.
1. Intro to NonViolent Communication | Conceptual Re-education before the Deets. September 1st, 2023.
S11E5.
Why is “humaning” so hard? Well it doesn’t help that roughly none of us know how to speak to each other without control tactics, projections, and mind-reading expectations.
This month, we’re talking about NonViolent Communication (NVC) in great detail. But BEFORE all the neurolinguistic bittles come in, let’s get the 4-part NVC framework in hand and discuss the re-empowering concepts that many of us need to re-learn after control-based upbringings.
Key points: Non Violent Communication, NVC, effective communication, relationships, judgments, evaluation, emotion, emotional intelligence, needs, unmet needs, motivating factors, control tactics, manipulation, accountability, emotional ownership, healing relationships, conflict resolution, relational rupture and repair.
2. Effective (NonViolent) Communication Steps 1-2. September 8th, 2023.
S11E6
Last time we learned the basic 4 steps of NVC – now let’s get into the full conversation. Tiny neurolinguistic details and enormous universal concepts that make the process work – or doom it to fail.
Today, we’ll cover steps 1 & 2 of NonViolent Communication with nonviolentcommunication.com and Marshall Rosenberg. Discussing the damning nature of automatic evaluations, the ways we verbally distance ourselves from our emotions, and our tendency to name other people’s presumed opinions instead of our own feelings. Plus… a lot more.
Key points: Non Violent Communication, NVC, effective communication, relationships, judgments, evaluation, emotion, emotional intelligence, needs, unmet needs, motivating factors, control tactics, manipulation, accountability, emotional ownership, healing relationships, conflict resolution, relational rupture and repair.
3. Effective (NonViolent) Communication Steps 3-4. September 15th, 2023.
S11E7.
Time to discuss steps 3 & 4 of NonViolent Communication, as we talk about deprivation motivations driving our shitty emotions and the surprising complex world of requests vs. demands.
Let’s finish our NLP x relationships conversation and underlying t-relevant concepts… but only if you’re up for it. Check the detailed outline of what we covered on the Patreon post found here!
Key points: Non Violent Communication, NVC, effective communication, relationships, judgments, evaluation, emotion, emotional intelligence, needs, unmet needs, motivating factors, control tactics, manipulation, accountability, emotional ownership, healing relationships, conflict resolution, relational rupture and repair.
BONUS! Clarifying NVC Vignettes and Exercises. September 16th, 2023
S11E8. Bonus tiers.
It’s a full-length Bonus episode! Let’s cover additional examples / pointers from Rosenberg and run through 4 application-checking exercises together.
Key Points: Non Violent Communication, NVC, effective communication, relationships, judgments, evaluation, emotion, emotional intelligence, needs, unmet needs, motivating factors, control tactics, manipulation, accountability, emotional ownership, healing relationships, conflict resolution, relational rupture and repair, bonus, exercises, how-to.
4. Trauma-brain Reprogramming with NonViolent Communication. September 22nd, 2023.
S11E9.
Better communication? Great. A recovered t-brain from the same process? Now we’re fckn talkin bud.
Today, we’re discussing the most important aspects of NVC – and they have very little to do with other people. Well… except for understanding why other people are untenable dickheads. We will cover that.
Key points: emotional regulation, narrative disruption, self-monitoring, understanding others’ emotions, emotional intelligence, purpose of feelings, reprogramming, CPTSD recovery, Non Violent Communication, NVC, effective communication, relationships, judgments, evaluation, emotion, emotional intelligence, needs, unmet needs, motivating factors, control tactics, manipulation, accountability, emotional ownership, healing relationships, conflict resolution, relational rupture and repair.
BONUS! NVC x IFS Conceptual Overlap. September 25th, 2023.
S11E10. Bonus tiers.
When does an unmet need become a “burden”? What does conflict signify? What’s the answer to resolving interpersonal conflict and healing ourselves?
Let’s talk about the intense conceptual crossover between NonViolent Communication and Internal Family Systems, as we solidify the KEYS to better relationships from both modalities.
Key points: emotional regulation, narrative disruption, projection, origin of conflict, origin of burdens, Self, Internal Family Systems, IFS, Non Violent Communication, NVC, effective communication, relationships, judgments, evaluation, emotion, emotional intelligence, needs, unmet needs, motivating factors, control tactics, manipulation, accountability, emotional ownership, healing relationships, conflict resolution, relational rupture and repair, bonus.
5. The “Goodness” of Deprived Needs | NVC Continued. September 29th, 2023.
S11E11.
NonViolent Communication has more to tell us.
Today, we’re talking about “the reward we get for being ‘good’ – depression,” and everything else that stands in the way of fulfillment.
Key points: depression, “goodness,” gender differences, care-giving, shame, repression, societal trauma, social abuse, Non Violent Communication, NVC, effective communication, relationships, judgments, evaluation, emotion, emotional intelligence, needs, unmet needs, motivating factors, control tactics, manipulation, coercion, accountability, emotional ownership.
6. “Secondary” Needs and Emotions; Chronic Self-Entrapment. October 6th, 2023.
S11E12
How do we mask our needs from ourselves, fruitlessly dumping energy into areas of life that won’t return any chemical pr physical reward?
Lettuce talk about what I’m calling “secondary needs” – as they relate to secondary emotions, create blindspots in our self-neglect, and keep us trapped in unsuccessful cycles of dopamine seeking behaviors.
Key points: self-neglect, self-deprivation, self-care, secondary needs, secondary emotions, preferred needs, denied needs, nonviolent communication, NVC, stagnation, recovery, regression, self-limitation, self-sabotage, obsession, rigidity, the reward for being good
BONUS Breaking the spell of feeling “neglected, ignored, and rejected” – Naming your real feelings and needs. October 7th, 2023.
S11E13 BONUS tiers
The title says it all? We learned that “projected, false, judgmental” emotional words are a big part of our vocabularies that holds us back. So, let’s redefine those words and pull meaning from them. What are we REALLY trying to say and how can we heal with this NLP dive?’
Key points: nonviolent communication, NVC, effective communication, emotional accountability, emotional intelligence, false emotions, memory processing, how-to, exercise.
Mini BONUS | Self-abuse Words, NVC, and IFS. October 7th, 2023.
S11E14 BONUS tiers
So we just finished looking at precise & accurate emotions… ARE there any instances in which “false, projected feelings” are valid? Can self-abuse words be helpful? And how does that concept connect with our parts work ala IFS?
Key points: emotional intelligence, IFS, self-abuse, parts v parts, NVC, nonviolent communication, projected emotions, false emotions, internal VIT.
7. Deprived Needs, the SUB-C, Self-sabotage and Psychosomatic Illness. October 13th, 2023.
S11E15
So we love to deprive ourselves “for goodness” – but what happens when your subconscious has enough?
Today, talking about ways our SUB-C connives against us, creating extraordinary circumstances that allow us to fulfill our “unallowed needs.”
Key points: needs, unmet needs, self-neglect, self-deprivation, self-abuse, SUB-C, subconscious, family programming, the reward for being good, rock bottom, feigning, psychosomatic, stress based illness, nonviolent communication, NVC, family culture, family patterning, brain programming, need programming
BONUS – Identify your hidden vs. over-emphasized needs. October 14th, 2023.
S11E16 Bonus tiers
If we’re masters at masking our own needs so recovery becomes impossible… how can we start to figure out the ways we’re depriving ourselves?
Key points: preferred needs, denied needs, self-neglect, self-deprivation, self-abuse, self-care, progress, healing, recovery, breaking patterns, behavioral change, autonomy, need codependence, need fulfillment, unmet needs, NVC, nonviolent communication, how-to, exercise
Mini Introduction: Coercion, control tactics, abuse programming, and family need enmeshment. October 14th, 2023.
S11E17
How do deprived and “unallowed” needs connect with our accrual of CPTSD and abuse-acceptance? Let’s talk about our FOO’s coercive control tactics for ~13 minutes.
Key points: abuse programming, need codependence, coercive control, family of origin, abuse acceptance, fawning, disempowerment, unmet needs, need fulfillment, self-deprivation, manipulation, passive demands, learned codependence, enmeshment, need enmeshment
NVC shame, parts, and major points with Shelby | MFs Speak! October 20th, 2023.
S11E18
Today let’s take a relcalibration break to hear the other major points hidden in NonViolent Communication. Straight from the person who introduced me to NVC.
Key points: nonviolent communication, NVC, shame, abuse, parts, neglect, family of origin, coercive control, control tactics, codependence, intimacy, manipulation, vulnerability, recovery, healing, communication, conflict, relationships, relationship patterning, need fulfillment, unmet needs, MFs speak!
8. DAMAGING Responses to Vulnerable Conversation: Examples 1-5. October 27th, 2023.
S11E19
What shuts down effective communication efforts? Well, we’ve got 10 “unrecommended” responses for you.
We’ll talk about WHY people use them, what they convey, how they impact the relationship forever, how to de-program them from yourself, and how to course-correct the conversation if one of these is launched your way. PLUS, holiday examples of communicating your needs to that GD FOO, littered throughout.
Key points: NVC, nonviolent communication, communication, communication patterns, defeat, dismissal, emotional intelligence, empathetic listening, empathy, family of origin, holiday, intimacy, managers, relationship building, relationship destruction, self-protection, trust, vulnerability.
9. DAMAGING Responses to Vulnerable Conversation: Examples 6-10. November 3rd, 2023.
S11E20
Back to it! Here are the next 5 ways we commonly respond to others which shuts down discussion, fosters misunderstanding, and breeds contempt, according to the NVC experts.
Key points: NVC, nonviolent communication, communication, communication patterns, defeat, dismissal, emotional intelligence, empathetic listening, empathy, family of origin, holiday, intimacy, managers, relationship building, relationship destruction, self-protection, trust, vulnerability.
10a. Rationale: How-TO Respond Effectively. November 10th, 2023.
S11E21
Wonky episode format and scheduling coming up! But here’s why. Let’s get into discussing the “How-TOs” of responding, now that we’ve told you what NOT to do.
Key Points: NVC, nonviolent communication, empathetic listening, effective communication, relationship dynamics, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, communication, positive responding.
10b. How-TO Prepare to Respond Effectively. November 10th, 2023.
S11E22
Responding to vulnerable disclosures can be as hard as issuing them. Let’s talk about how to set yourself up for responsive success, keeping trauma-brain fuckshittery in mind.
Key Points: NVC, nonviolent communication, empathetic listening, effective communication, relationship dynamics, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, communication, positive responding.
11. How-TO Respond Effectively. November 10th, 2023.
S11E23
What are the steps to effective responding that take massive pressure off your every word? Let’s talk about the keys to success, which open up room for less stressful communication to progress afterwards.
Key Points: NVC, nonviolent communication, empathetic listening, effective communication, relationship dynamics, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, communication, positive responding, valuation, validation.
Revitalized Discussion Fawning X Unmet Needs. November 17th, 2023.
S11E24
In 2021 the word of the year was Fawning. Today, let’s revisit those discussions while layering on our needs-deprivation conversation as we continue to prepare ourselves for the holidays.
Key Points: autonomy, coercive control, control tactics, fawning, free thinking, need enmeshment, unmet needs.
BONUS: MY tips for t-communicating. November 17th, 2023.
S11E25 Bonus tiers
What can this Fucker say about communicating on t-brains? Got plenty of lessons in reactivity to share. And yes, turns out “there are some adults who still need to hear this.”
Key points: NVC, communication, reactivity, relationship patterns, relationships.
“Thanksgetting” what you need. November 22nd, 2023.
S11E26
Here we go! Let’s rundown the ways to take care of ourselves (and maybe some need-deprived others) this holiday. Cuz no, it’s not your job to make sure any one else is need-fulfilled. But until they’re shown that they’re allowed to be, things might be… violent.
Key points: “denied” needs, comparison, deprivation, emotional intelligence, family of origin, fulfillment, holiday, human pressure, intimacy, nonviolent communication, NVC, perfectionism, positive responding, requests, trust, unmet needs, vulnerability.
Gratitude; a t-loaded word. November 22nd, 2023.
S11E27
What happens when “gratitude” loses all meaning? Or even, acquires negative meaning? Let’s talk about why this holiday can be especially triggering, as forced “thankfulness” becomes a signal for self-abandonment.
Key points: dismissal, emotional numbing, gratitude trauma, holiday, repression, unmet needs
Self-abandonment vs your best Spanksgiving. November 22nd, 2023.
S11E28
Let’s cut the brainy shit, the real answer to surviving the holidays is not abandoning yourself.
Key points: intrinsic motivation, real human needs, real recovery, self abandonment, self and Self, self-care
Emotional Transference, Displacement, Projection, and Monkey-barring. November 29th, 2023.
S11E29
“You should do an episode on Transference,” one of y’all said. I resisted, until “Displacement” became a point of fascination. Let’s talk about Transference (Classic) and the other forms (Projection, Monkey-barring, Displacement)…. plus, why they’re ALL dangerous phenom that set everyone up to fail.
Key points: core wounds, displacement, emotional intelligence, monkey barring, projection, recovery obstacles, relationships, secondary emotions, therapy, transference
BONUS AMA “Which emotions correlate with which of my needs?” November 29th, 2023.
S11E30 Bonus tiers
You Q’d I A’d. “How do you know which emotions signal which need deprivations” and… is there a handy list out there somewhere?
Key points: AMA, emotional intelligence, need fulfillment
Sex, parts, programming, and needs. December 8th, 2023.
S11E31
We’ve talked about intimacy… but not *intimacy.* Diving into sex, let’s talk about childhood and adult programming through parts and need fulfillment strategies ala IFS and NVC… and rewiring sexual imbalances that don’t represent your authentic desires.
Key points: CSA, IFS, internal family systems, adaptation, coping, expectation, family programming, intimacy, need dependence, need deprivation, need fulfillment, relationships, roles, self-protection, sex
Sex on CPTSD pt II. December 13th, 2023.
The world didn’t end after the last post and I have more to say. Let’s talk about identifying if your sexual life is healthy and clear some additional points.
Key points: dark parts, fantasy, exercise, CSA, IFS, internal family systems, adaptation, coping, expectation, family programming, intimacy, need dependence, need deprivation, need fulfillment, relationships, roles, self-protection.
Abuse Acronyms to Know: DARVO & SAPIEN. December 15th, 2023.
S11E32
Can’t wrap a year on relationships without talking about abuse tactics. Let’s discuss DARVO and SAPIEN – strategies to be mindful of (in others & yourself) this holiday season and beyond.
Key points: emotional abuse, psychological abuse, communication, nonviolent communication, relationships, brain programming, self-limitation, self-abuse.
Shame vs. Guilt vs. Your Relationships. December 22nd, 2023.
S11E33
What’s the difference between shame and guilt? And how do they mandate relationship wreckage? As always, Idunno. But here’s one perspective.
Key points: guilt, shame, ego, relationships, communication, social learning, evolutionary mechanism, social survival, relationship reparations, vulnerability.
HOLIDAY TIME: Gratitude II (a better attitude). December 22nd, 2023.
S11E34
There’s plenty to be grateful for this holiday. If you spend time with family, it’ll be right in front of your face.
Key points: gratitude, change, FOO, family of origin, crab-bucketing, escape from the zoo, re-education, holiday.
Git your fucking shit aligned 2024. December 29th, 2023.
S11E35
Time to make sure we don’t relive the same year out of habit or hellish survival mechanisms gone wild. Let’s look at your ‘ole patterning and see what you really value, chart out behavioral changes, and build self-trust.
Key points: new year, exercise, alignment, values, roles, goals, behavioral change, recovery, life change, pacing, nervous system, intentionality.
NY2024 Exercise Origin. December 30th, 2023.
Some personal accounting. Through the PTSDs and back – the ignominious origins of the 2024 reflection episode and results so far.
Key points: personal, exercise, PTSD recovery, alignment
Top Words of 2023. December 31, 2023.
A short n lite NY diddy. Let’s talk abruptly-popular words in 2023, what they mean about the common collective, and where we might be headed.
Key points: new year, cultural trauma trends
Season TWELVE
(back to top)
Context: Find me freezing through a Midwest Winter in MurderRV. After 6 months at home, relational strain is evident. Self-growth predominates and sanity returns, anyhow.
Episode tone: BACK TO RESEARCH FUCKERS! Revisiting old topics with new insights, gathered from academia and additional years.
Episode trends: vulnerable narcissism, time space and energy, time orientation, psychosomatic, ego issues, philosophy of filial obligation, self and Self, boundaries
The Final Round. January 12th, 2024.
S12E0
For those who don’t like surprises, here’s what’s next Motherfuckers.
Key points: viva la evolution
VulNarcs & Past Negative Time Orientation; Time, Space, Energy for Growth or Narc-ism. January 12th, 2024.
S12E1
We need time, space, and energy for recovery. But what happens if we mal-use those resources?
Today, we’re diving into a resaerch paper on the connections between VulNarcs and Past Negative Time Orientation, including how angry rumination and withdrawal contribute to interpersonal antagonism and hostility. And we ask, “which came first, the negative memories or the victimized self-concept?”
Key points: vulnerable narcissism, negative past time orientation, negative memories, reconstructed memories, extraversion, withdrawal, hostility, behavioral inhibition/activation, antagonism, childhood trauma, post traumatic growth, resources for recovery, time space energy.
Supplemental Summary of VulNarcs v. Recovery & Some Community Comments. January 13th, 2024.
S12E2
Not to skim over your kindly comments, but I’ll sob…
Let’s do a bitesized summary/expansion of our VulNarc talk and add some community wisdom to the mix.
Talkin’ filial obligation, defensiveness, and moderating anxiety when waiting for interpersonal reply.
Key points:
Filial Obligation Revisited pt 1: Upsetting Eastern Perspectives. January 20, 2024.
S12E3
The crossover between VulNarcs and FilOb is considerable. Hell, parental duty is how many of us get acquainted with the term. Cue the years of manipulation.
So, today, let’s open a three part discussion on Filial Obligation as a moral duty. First, talking about the ethical duties of a filial child… and starting to find considerable, abuse-promoting, problems in this way of thinking.
Key points:
Yer Subconscious Narratives on Filial Obligation | FilOb Revisited pt II. January 30, 2024.
S12E4
We KNOW what comes from Filial Obligation with abusive people… anxiety, depression, sense of incapacity and entrapment, hopelessness, suicidality… and yet, we’re still torn. So, what’s going on?
Let’s explore 5 Western philosophies on Filial Obligation and find out what common cultural narratives might be filling our subconscious ruminations that complicate decision making.
Key points:
One Scrambling View: “It’s about you” | Return to FilOb pt III. February 3, 2024.
S12E5
Just one major point today as a catalyst to throwing your own thoughts in a perspectual blender. What if Filial Obligation isn’t about your parents?
Key points:
FINALE: Six Predictive Pillars of Filial Outcomes | Return to FilOb pt 4, February 8, 2024.
S12E6
Let’s bring this back down to earth. Philosophies meet t-real life and 2 additional research studies, as we draw our final conclusions on Filial Morality.
Key points:
“What do I owe this decrepit asshole?” by Dominic | FilOb Community Feedback. February 16, 2024.
S12E7
After all these academic approaches to the debate of Filial Obligation, let’s hear from a RL MF on his philosophy and boundaries.
Key points:
Parent-Child Ambivalence, Guilt, and Care Perception | Extra Research, February 22, 2024.
S12E8
Count this as an extra dive into 3 research papers. What’s the connection between perception, caregiving burden, parent-child ambivalence, and guilt?
Adaptive Narcissism and PTSD Resiliency pt I. February 22, 2024,
S12E9
How is narcissism potentially “necessary for psychological adjustment to adversity”? Your usual self-analyses might implode with this episode.
Key points:
Discussion: Adaptive Narcissism vs. PTS Resilience. March 6, 2024.
S12E10
Entitlement, exploitativeness, vanity, and resiliency… We learned a lot in our last paper rundown. Let’s circle back to pull out and expand upon the key points with additional research.
Key points:
STIGMA vs. Adaptive Narcissism (pt III), March 8, 2024.
S12E11
Why has this article been so revitalizing? Well, the research results are challenging a lifetime of stigma. Let’s talk about family, culture, and witch hunts while redefining some misused words that could boost our resiliency. THEN, some reflection questions for you to bring the adaptive narc revolution to your own world.
Key points: adaptive versus pathological narcissism, healthy self-esteem and vanity, overcoming entitlement and exploitativeness, building resilience through self-sufficiency, understanding authentic pride and narcissism
Your Ailing self and How to Fix It… with GranAdaptiveNarcissism, March 22, 2024.
S12E12
What’s missing in our lives that keeps us from being our most resilient and authentic self? Time to rethink our self-editing lessons of the past.
Key points: adaptive versus pathological narcissism, self-concept in narcissistic personalities, understanding vulnerable narcissism traits, grandiose narcissism and authenticity, developing healthy self-uniqueness
Comment-Inspired Followup! “Adaptive Narcissism” doesn’t exist & visualizing the spectrum of narcpathology. March 22, 2024.
S12E13
Advanced Tier Fuckers, lettuce speak face to face as we tackle the second part of this self-defense series!
The discussion continues! What’s the REAL purpose of these common self-defense tactics?
Key points: understanding the narcissism spectrum, adaptive versus pathological narcissism, healthy self-concept development, overcoming narcissism stigma, narcissistic traits and mental health
“Feel good about yourself.” For Real. Building self Esteem x Parts Work. April 2, 2024.
S12E14
“Just feel good about yourself!” Great. Except your brain was drafted uponst narratives of self-derogation for ‘safety.’ So, now what? Let’s talk about using the concept of adaptive narcissism and the self-supporting traits it encompasses for parts work… starting with your gd Managers.
Key points: building authentic self-esteem, healing internal manager parts, overcoming self-critical thoughts, integrating past trauma experiences, developing holistic self-acceptance
self vs. Self. April 2, 2024.
S12E15
In our last paper we heard that “self” isn’t well defined in psychology… then layer in the innate healing capability of the “Self” and we’re all fucked. Let’s discuss “the self” as well as its unearthly counterpart “the Self,” and how they’re both necessary for healing.
Key points: self vs Self concepts explained, healing through higher Self connection, understanding small s self components, trauma recovery and self integration, authentic self development techniques
BONUS Supplement: 3 Theories of self Structure Developed in Narcissistic Upbringings. April 6, 2024.
S12E16
The impact of unhealthy upbringings on self-structure is widely theorized about. Here are 3 top contenders for the ways a self adapts to unfit parenting.
Key points: narcissistic self-concept and healing, personality disorder therapy approaches, childhood trauma and narcissism, self-identity in narcissistic personalities, emotional regulation and authenticity
Narcs: NO INTEGRITY WITHOUT INTEGRATION pt I. April 12, 2024.
S12E17
There is NO INTEGRITY WITHOUT INTEGRATION, and these fuckers use relationships as stand-ins for doing the work.
Key points: narcissistic integrity and integration, pathological narcissism in relationships, understanding narcissistic personality subtypes, narcissistic abuse and recovery, grandiose versus vulnerable narcissism
Narcs: NO INTEGRITY WITHOUT INTEGRATION pt II. April 17, 2024.
S12E18
Let’s compare narcissism to the levels of personality functioning that range from “mature” to “psychopathological,” with all the neuroticism and borderline functioning in between.
Key points: narcissism and borderline personality organization, disintegration in personality disorders, narcissistic cycle of abuse, personality structure and integrity, reality testing in narcissists
“So fucking what?” Narc-Integrity Supplement (pt III). April 17, 2024.
S12E19
The end of intellectualizing. Time to apply the knowledge we just gathered for our own narc dealings.
Key points: narcissism and borderline personality disorder, grandiose vs vulnerable narcissism, cptsd and personality disorders, setting boundaries with narcissists, recovery from narcissistic abuse
Your self Authority, Authenticity, Integrity Pt I. April 22, 2024.
S12E20
Let’s work through the positive aspects and negative pitfalls of being an embodied self.
Key points: empowering authentic self, adaptive narcissism for recovery, overcoming vulnerable narcissistic patterns, self-reflection exercises for healing, time perception in trauma
Your self Authority, Authenticity, Integrity Pt 2: Self-sufficiency and Credit. April 23, 2024.
S12E21
Authentic vanity and self-sufficiency. Today we ask “what CAN you feel authentic pride about?”
Key points: building authentic self-esteem, self-reflection exercises for recovery, recognizing personal accomplishments, developing healthy self-sufficiency, overcoming vulnerable narcissistic patterns
Your self Authority, Authenticity, Integrity Pt 3: Self Authority. April 24, 2024.
S12E22
What ARE you an authority on? And if your answer is “fucking nothing,” lemme help you flip that perspective.
Key points: building self-authority and authenticity, recognizing personal experiences validity, overcoming self-doubt in recovery, empowering self-perception and entitlement, trusting your own lived experiences
Your self Authority, Authenticity, Integrity Pt 4: Empowerment & Entitlement. April 25, 2024.
S12E23
What ARE you realistically entitled to?
Key points: balancing self-authority with empathy, healthy self-assertion without exploitation, empathetic communication in relationships, self-awareness and emotional regulation, accountability in personal growth
Your self Authority, Authenticity, Integrity Pt 5: You are Human & Self Forgiveness. April 26, 2024.
S12E24
What enables empathy towards ourselves and others? Recognition of humanness.
Key points: embracing human imperfection, self-authority without exploitation, overcoming limiting self-judgments, finding authentic life purpose, self-acceptance in personal growth
Your self Authority, Authenticity, Integrity Pt 6: Intrinsic Motivated Life. April 27, 2024.
S12E25
Pulling all our work together, what do we get? Behavioral change, directed from the inside-out. Living based on personal values. And final recognition of the cumulative self we’ve become.
Key points: developing authentic self-authority, intrinsic motivation and self-awareness, overcoming trauma through self-acceptance, building healthy self-esteem, integrating authentic self-concept
Your self Authority, Authenticity, Integrity Pt 7: YOUR RESILIENCY. April 28, 2024.
S12E26
We’d be remiss not to bring up 5 more points: the components of your resiliency. You’re more tenacious than you give yourself credit for. Let’s give ya self-recognition a boost.
Key points: building resilience through self-reflection, overcoming trauma with adaptability, finding purpose in recovery, integrating self for healing, developing authentic self-esteem
The Dangers of Intellectualization and Rationalization pt I. May 8, 2024.
S12E27
Defense Mechanisms, here we come. Today, let’s talk about the ways people hide themselves (reality of their motivations and emotions) from themselves (conscious awareness and acceptance), starting with two BIG HITTERS.
Key points: defense mechanisms in narcissism, rationalization and intellectualization explained, overcoming cognitive defense strategies, narcissistic personality disorder traits, emotional awareness in recovery
The Dangers of Intellectualization and Rationalization pt 2. May 13, 2024.
S12E28
The discussion continues! What’s the REAL purpose of these common self-defense tactics?
Key points: narcissistic defense mechanisms explained, intellectualization in personality disorders, emotional repression and rationalization, social mediation of narcissism, self-awareness in trauma recovery
Off-Cuff Video For All! | Intellectualizing and Rationalizing: SO FUCKING WHAT? May 20, 2024.
S12E29
Here we go again! Breaking the bullshit crust and applying recent research to real life. Why do intellectualizing and rationalizing REALLY matter, for all of us in recovery?
Key points: overcoming intellectualization in recovery, dangers of rationalizing emotions, balancing education with self-experience, recognizing true motivations and needs, authentic self-awareness in relationships
PS – Intellectualism –> Shoulding all over yerself. May 21, 2024.
S12E30
Did I forget to say something yesterday, or plan to make this most important point separately? Intellectualizing -> SHOULDING ON and SHUTTING DOWN your own experience.
Key points: dangers of over-intellectualizing trauma, balancing knowledge with emotions, self-compassion in trauma recovery, recognizing authentic feelings, overcoming shoulds in healing
(lack of) Nuance x CPTSD. May 24, 2024.
S12E31
Y’all wanted to keep talking “implications of narc research,” and ya’ve not been forgotten! Let’s talk Nuance and Subtlety vs. t-brains.
Key points: trauma-induced lack of nuance, sensory processing in cptsd, overcoming reductionist thinking patterns, integrating sensory experiences post-trauma, re-engaging with life complexity
How “Intelligent” are They Really? Type I and Type II Processing in Subtypes of Narcissists. May 26, 2024.
S12E32
Today, we talk about the reality of one of our greatest self-defense mechanisms: intellect. How smart ARE narcissists, really? How do they make decisions? And how do these thought processes differ between grandiose and vulnerable subtypes?
Key points: narcissism and cognitive reflection, grandiose vs vulnerable narcissism, type 1 and type 2 thinking, overconfidence in decision making, reality testing for narcissists
REALITY TESTING (con’t of Type I and II Processing). June 2, 2024.
S12E33
Picking up from our discussion of intellectualizing, rationalizing, narcs, and processing styles, let’s talk about REALITY TESTING. (The thing that keeps us from living via wildly inaccurate narrations). Why is it so challenging? How do we do it? And how do we frame it so we have the tenacity to run our trials?
Key points: reality testing for personal growth, consensus reality vs internal reality, emotional processing and critical thinking, experimentation and behavioral change, overcoming societal programming through self-work
Dunning-Kruger vs. Reality. June 4, 2024.
S12E34
In this preview of new things already underway… As we talk about reality and processing, the Dunning-Kruger Effect comes to mind.
Key points: Dunning-Kruger effect and narcissism, overconfidence vs reality testing, type 1 and type 2 thinking, individuation in healthy relationships, self-awareness and personal growth
Narc Abuse vs. Capitalistic Abuse | Defense Mechanisms. June 12, 2024.
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As we start discussing defense mechanisms, a Fucker thinks about the tactics used by employers and employees… and how they feel “all too close to home,” making them extra potent sources of abuse.
Key points: narcissistic abuse and capitalism overlap, defense mechanisms enable systemic abuse, objectification in narcissism and capitalism, self-abandonment through internalized abuse, societal conditioning and cognitive dissonance
Defense Mechanisms | Immature Level 1: The Action Defenses. June 12, 2024.
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Let’s start working our way through the self-defense mechanisms that define our relationships and lives. First up, the least mature level: Action Defenses. It might explain a lot about the people who raised you.
Key points: immature defense mechanisms explained, action defenses in emotional conflicts, passive aggression and help-rejecting complaining, acting out without self-awareness, understanding immature psychological coping strategies
Defense Mechanisms: Acting Out. June 13, 2024.
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Our first individual defense mechanism! Let’s talk about Acting Out (the immediate transmutation of emotion to action without considering consequences) and its functions.
Key points: acting out defense mechanism, uncontrolled behavior and consequences, emotional conflicts and stressors, interpersonal events and transference, maladaptive coping through acting out
Defense Mechanisms: Acting Out II. June 13, 2024.
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PS – Here’s the diagnostic criteria for “acting out” as a defense mechanism!
Key points: acting out defense mechanism explained, emotional regulation and impulse control, maladaptive behavior in interpersonal relationships, consequences of acting out, developing self-awareness and accountability
Video for all! The Basics of Trauma Recovery. June 15, 2024.
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It’s been pretty “advanced” round here. Let’s take ten steps back and outline the 7 pointers everyone REALLY needs to know about PTSD and brain rewiring.
Key points: trauma recovery basics, healing complex PTSD, becoming your authentic self, importance of reflection and rest, healing through self-discovery
Defense Mechanisms: Help-Rejecting Complaining. June 16, 2024.
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Endless energy to voice problems, no attempt to find solutions? It’s Help-Rejecting Complaining; the self-defense mechanism driven by resentment about unmet needs.
Key points: help rejecting complaining defense, emotional reliance and anger, attention seeking through victimization, avoiding accountability through complaining, manipulative relationship dynamics
Back to Basics: Defining “Mindfulness, MetaCognition, and Traumatic Training”. June 21, 2024.
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In our last BtB episode I used some poorly-understood words. Let’s define “Mindfulness,” “MetaCognition,” and “Traumatic Training” as we use a common example of a traumatic lesson-turned-maladaptive-habit that rails so many of us: emotions = punishment.
Git ready for another holistic discussion of parental shortcomings vs. the human brain vs. societal abuse vs. survival vs. living lives we actually want.
Key points: mindfulness for trauma recovery, overcoming maladaptive behaviors, metacognition and emotional intelligence, childhood conditioning effects, rewiring trauma-based responses
Defense Mechanisms: Passive Aggression. June 26, 2024.
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“Concealed discharge of resentment / disappointment created by a lifetime of unmet needs.” Let’s talk about the depths of Passive Aggression… how it originates in childhood neglect… and how it helps absolutely no one to move forward while offering “protection” against recognition of chronic human disappointment.
Key points: understanding passive aggressive behavior, overcoming childhood trauma patterns, improving interpersonal communication skills, recognizing self-sabotaging behaviors, developing emotional intelligence techniques
Back to Basics: Somatic Experiencing. June 29, 2024
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What IS somatic experiencing, and how necessary is it for recovery? It’s a complex topic for the complex-PTSDers – let’s start the conversation.
Key points:
Back to Basics: Embodiment Tips and Tricks. June 30, 2024.
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The real challenge in Somatic Experiencing? In CPTSD it means “working through the memory of being you.” Here are my embodiment tips and tricks, hopefully lending some ideas about how to aid yourself in that effort.
Key points:
self-Defenses Level 2: Major Image Distortions. July 2, 2024.
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Today we talk about the second level of immature defenses: Major Image Distortions. AKA- global B&W, Good and Bad, judgments meant to spare us from the threat of cognitive dissonance. AND, we discuss the term “Depressive Defenses” – What are we shutting down within ourselves that correlates to development of cognitive depression?
Key points: major image distorting defenses, self-defense mechanisms and depression, black and white thinking, cognitive dissonance in trauma, psychological defense mechanisms explained
Bonus Video! Narcs showing their ASS [Abuse-Supporting Stupidity]. July 3, 2024.
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Research says: 1) They ain’t as smart as they think they are 2) Impulsive behaviors + lack of reflection enable their self-denial of abusive tendencies. Some might call that willful ignorance or chosen disintegration… I’m calling it Abuse-Supporting Stupidity (ASS) for snaps and giggles.
AND let’s discuss how their abuse is dependent on YOUR corresponding disintegration, in case you’ve ever wondered “how could I have been so stupid”?
Key points: abuse-supporting stupidity in narcissism, narcissistic disintegration and manipulation, recognizing abusive relationship patterns, overcoming trauma-induced self-blame, understanding narcissistic behavior cycles
MFs Speak! Daniel and Somatic Experiencing. July 5, 2024.
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It’s a community pod! Daniel prompted the recent discussion of SE and sent his feedback, as well as detailing his impactful therapeutic experiences! (DUN DUN) Here are those recordings.
Key points: somatic experiencing for trauma recovery, overcoming self-limiting beliefs, body-mind healing techniques, visualization in trauma therapy, affordable mental health care
Back to Basics! Somatic Experiencing: Safety and self-Advocacy. July 5, 2024.
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Finding a practitioner for safe Somatic Experiencing is half the battle. Here are 5 easy S’s to use as a guide.
Key points:
Splitting (AKA – Reality-Obscuring Compartmentalization). July 16, 2024.
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What do the Salem witch trials, serial killers, and extremist political figures have in common? Today we discuss “splitting,” the basis of fragmented personalities, abuse enablement, narcissism, tumultuous relationships, high-low self-esteem ala mania/depression, and maladaptive self-limiting behaviors.
Key points:
Psychosomatic Illness and CPTSD Recovery: Everything you need to know. July 20, 2024.
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What is it / what isn’t Psychosomatic Illness? How does the Brain-Body Painbrow Bridge work? 6 common causes to watch out for. And how to navigate PSI without making it worse.
Key points:
Projective Identification (emotional enmeshment soup). July 24, 2024.
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Short and snappy, let’s talk about Projective Identification. It’s more than “Projection,” it’s a clusterfuck of displacement, omnipotent accusations, and forced-emotional-enmeshment. You might recognize it from your soupiest romantic relationships as well as “perpetually the victim” covert narcissist mother antics.
Key points:
Back to Basics: What IS Abuse? In 2024 terms. With examples. July 28, 2024.
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The question that fucks with us all, on both ends of the relationship dynamic. How do we define “abuse”? And how can we spot it in our own lives? Let’s redefine it, run through some examples, and ask some Qs that might help you to identify it in your own life.
Key points:
Video! No BS. How NOT to fuck your self up with the self-defense series. July 31, 2024.
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“I fucked up and I’m sorry.” Let’s talk about how NOT to use the self-defense episodes – which I fear I may have been encouraging in all of you. Talking the pitfalls of trying to “rid oneself of BS self-defenses” when earth isn’t a safe place to be and the spirals it can create in your esteem, resiliency, and physical health.
Key points:
How to overcome trauma shame? A “lean into it” approach. August 3, 2024.
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You asked, I answer. How to overcome shame surrounding traumatic events? I have a bottom-up approach that targets the hell your brain already believes you’re living though… so we might as well process, re-evaluate, and recontextualize your worst nightmares, finally freeing up the PFC for conscious sense-making, huh? Huh.
Key points:
No BS: Using self-defense knowledge for healing self and other pt I. August 2, 2024.
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“To be insane in insane circumstances is to be sane.” We’re tapping compassion & healing, not criticism & wounding, as we utilize self-defense research for good, pt I. Let’s talk about practical steps towards healing our self and others when we see SDs on the field. Today, covering Action Takers, Assistance-Rejecting Complainers, and Passive Aggressors.
Key points:
BONUS NUG: The Freedom of Fucking Up (and apologizing when you do). August 2, 2024.
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t-brain says: mistakes and apologies = danger. Especially in the self esteem department.
h-brain says: nah, Fucker. They’re esteem and relationship (em)power moves.
Key points:
[ pt 2 ] No BS: Using self-defense knowledge for healing self and other pt 2. August 9, 2024.
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Back to compassionate understanding and acting in the face of immature self-defense mechanisms! A few additions to Passive Aggression, then we’re onto Splitting and Projective Identification. Turns out, it’s an insightful emotional episode for those of us who “need to qualify our emotions to have them safely.” Hope you find self compassion on the other end.
Key points:
SUBC Shame Followup: Psych & Neurobio: Your brain vs. imagined realities. August 11, 2024.
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“I didn’t think that would work but it did.” Followup that shame ‘sode. Today lez talk about WHY leaning into your worst fears works via psychology and neurobiology.
Key points:
Avoiding & Compassionately Rectifying “Abuse Supporting Stupidity”. August 17, 2024.
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Followup post! How can we combat the brain’s tendency to willfully protect itself while maintaining a self-compassionate view on our behaviors?
Key points:
The War of self-Compassion (CPTSD Recovery). August 17, 2024.
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A pitfall in recovery; self-compassion is replaced by self-work, which puts us back in a traumatized mindspace. Compassion is critical to heal. Will you take up the brave challenge?
Key points:
Joyfully risk-taking, fucking up, and healing trauma. August 17, 2024.
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Followup post! Fucking up isn’t shameful, it’s required for healing..A joyful approach to risk-taking and mistake-making enables post-traumatic growth. How can you reframe the danger of mistakes and celebrate your FUs, proudly?
Key points:
Self Compassion vs. Asceticism: Joyless Living as self-Defense. August 23, 2024.
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Living in misery because it feels safer that way? Yeah, it’s a trauma problem. Let’s talk about deprivation as defense, and reframing those trauma thoughts.
Key points:
Trauma Thoughts | Identifying and Deprogramming Cognitive Bullshit. August 24, 2024.
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“whoops that’s a trauma thought.” -all of us. Logical fallacies, overgeneralizations, B&W rulings, toxic positivity; these are brains on t-bullshit.
Key points:
Personal: Family Patterning & Deprivation Default Mode. August 25, 2024.
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“Why do I treat myself this way?” OH. Talking about recognition of and recovery from self-neglect as a way of life.
Key points:
“Why can’t I show joy to others?”. August 29, 2024.
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The danger of showing appreciation? It’s disempowering according to the past. Let’s talk about reasons and solutions.
Key points:
Actual self-Love pt I: Qualifying Obstacles. August 31, 2024.
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What stands in the way of self-love? We discuss relational barriers from the past and criteria you might be holding against yourself. Heads up, it’s a “weeks-years of reflection” sortof episode.
Key points:
trauma brain & the good news paradox. September 1, 2024.
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Positive event… Negative reaction. WTTMF? Talkin the rollercoaster of hope, self-sabotage, superstition, narrative and identity disruption in brains built on trauma.
Key points:
“Doing inner work” & How-to do it effectively with media. September 7, 2024.
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What IS the inner work? What’s the end goal? How do we do it effectively alongside media? Let’s talk about trauma archeology and perspective work.
Key points:
Actual self-Love pt 2 | Obstacles cont’d: The Aftermath, self-Blame, Parts Wars, and self-grudgery. September 7, 2024.
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What else stands in the way of self love? Post-traumatic self-judgment and polarized versions of self. Let’s talk about releasing yourself from the prison of your own judgment and self-fulfilling prophecies by applying self-compassion (remember our techniques from the first episode in the series) and doing inner work (gear up for our episode release this weekend).
Key points:
self-Love pt 2.5 | Obstacles: self-Love Unallowance. September 14, 2024.
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What’re ya holding against yourself? Perhaps..memory of the last time you tempted fate with one audacious act…
It’s time for some cognitive psychology education and reprogramming!
Key points:
self-Love pt 3: These pussyasswords and the stabbing requirement for self-acceptance. September 21, 2024.
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Eye-roll-worthy words + the most painful work = “why tf are we doing this?”
Disband your self, and you’ll find out you have no “target” to love, Fucker. Let’s put that self back together so your emotions and experiences can exist.
Key points:
self-Love Pt 4: Fear of Sad & Dismissal of self. September 28, 2024.
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How do you feel about sadness? When judgments of being victimy and “fear of sad” prevail, we lose half our lives to avoidance. .. stranding us alone in our grief, with less than self-loving conditions.
Key points:
Actual self-love pt 4.5: Victimhood vs. self-Compassion. October 6, 2024.
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Following up on last episode: When are we softening towards ourselves in compassion… vs. self-victimizing? There’s a simple way to know.
Key points:
self-Love pt 5: Practicuum BEGINS | Being with Your self Without Destructing. October 12, 2024.
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Onto the behavioral change! Your mission: engaging in new actions that allow you to see, feel, and hear your self. Settle in and breathe deep, it’s a peaceful and lovely episode for self-connection.
Key points:
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