Just wanted to share a random example of me talking to myself via writing. It’s always an effective way for me to tap into whatever is bothering me so I can move the fuck on.
I’ve been feeling flooded with stimulation, information, and expectation to the point of dizziness today. Mental and physical exhaustion. Having trouble concentrating on studying. Finding the sensation of having “hit a wall” and run out of brain capacity.
So, I took a mopey minute and typed to myself. It’s nothing shocking or innovative below, just my thoughts on paper and potential fixes for the way I’m feeling.
Since so many people are journaling-averse, I thought it might be a good idea to show how rudimentary writing can be. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Just let your mind out of its cage.
And, if you’re wondering, I did this in a Google Doc. Normally, I’m a pen and paper gal. But digital works in a pinch.
IIII am feeling so stressed out. IIII don’t want to do anything. My brain has hit its capacity and I want to lay in bed for once.
School: final exam tomorrow, new class is already starting – looks 100% more intense
Articles: not done with this week, freaking out about the load for the coming weeks mixed with my social obligations/travel back to GA
TMFRs: worried about spreading the word, finding opportunities
THE RETURN: No no no no. Just don’t want. Already miss MM too much. Sad.
Archie: Trying to keep him on PT schedule, but, uh… it’s a lot with all the other things. No doubt, he’s doing better… but how much BETTER could he be doing than better?
Stop being in a pissy mood. You’ll be okay. You feel immense pressure, but… it’s okay. It’s better than if you were doing nothing. It shows that you’re really trying, and the things you’re trying really matter to you. Don’t let the overwhelm kill you. Just calm down and take things with even strides. You’re okay. You’re doing great. You’re managing so many things at once and they are important. Don’t drag yourself down. You’ll be alright if you just breathe and take things one at a time.
First: Get through this exam tomorrow. It’s not even a big deal, perfectionist turd. You’re fine.
Then: Worry about your article load. You have 2.5 weeks to worry about it. You’ll do it.
Then, then: New class time. Start reading. See what’s up.
Things to do to make this less awful:
Communicate to MM about dese shit feelings
More breaks with Archie
Shower
Go for a walk
Reorganize tabs so emails/notifications are gone
Give yourself some time and space before you implode
Take a drive
Do some nothing or make some art
Trust that your exam tomorrow will be fine. You didn’t feel like you needed to over-prepare, so don’t. If it all goes to hell, you’ll still wind up with a passing grade in the class. Stop catastrophizing and beating yourself up. Move on to something else and see if you open up some space to come back to it eventually. If not, fuckit. Sometimes good enough is good enough.
Okay, go!
Any journal tips or examples of your own? Ever use writing as a tool for decompression? Shout it out. I’d love to know what other people do.
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