AMA “Which emotions correlate with which of my needs?”
You Q’d I A’d. Let’s talk about Transference (Classic) and the other forms (Projection, Monkey-barring, Displacement)…. plus, why they’re ALL dangerous phenom that set everyone up to fail. “How do you know which emotions signal...
“Thanksgetting” what you need | Spanksgiving special
Here we go! Let’s rundown the ways to take care of ourselves (and maybe some need-deprived others) this holiday. Cuz no, it’s not your job to make sure any one else is need-fulfilled. But until they’re shown that they’re allowed to be,...
Gratitude; a t-loaded word | Spanksgiving Special 2023
What happens when “gratitude” loses all meaning? Or even, acquires negative meaning? Let’s talk about why this holiday can be especially triggering, as forced “thankfulness” becomes a signal for self-abandonment.
Self-abandonment vs your best Spanksgiving | Surprise Spanksgiving Special
Let’s cut the brainy shit, the real answer to surviving the holidays is not abandoning yourself.
Revitalized Discussion Fawning X Unmet Needs
In 2021 the word of the year was Fawning. Today, let’s revisit those discussions while layering on our needs-deprivation conversation as we continue to prepare ourselves for the holidays.
BONUS: MY tips for t-communicating
What can this Fucker say about communicating on t-brains? Got plenty of lessons in reactivity to share. And yes, turns out “there are some adults who still need to hear this”
10b. How-TO Prepare to Respond Effectively
Responding to vulnerable disclosures can be as hard as issuing them. Let’s talk about how to set yourself up for responsive success, keeping trauma-brain fuckshittery in mind.
10a. Rationale: How-TO Respond Effectively
Wonky episode format and scheduling coming up! But here’s why. Let’s get into discussing the “How-TOs” of responding, now that we’ve told you what NOT to do.
11. How-TO Respond Effectively
What are the steps to effective responding that take massive pressure off your every word? Let’s talk about the keys to success, which open up room for less stressful communication to progress afterwards.
AMA! “What IS my bullshit?”
Got back from a windy hike this morning and decided to answer an email via video for you Fuckers. Lez talk about the difference between “human bullshit” (AKA the bullshit crust) and “lower level survival reactions.” Happy...
3.11. Ten Destructive Responses that Set Off Trauma Defenses
This podcast episode explores ten destructive responses to avoid in sensitive conversations, based on NonViolent Communication principles. It discusses why people use these responses and their impact on relationships. The episode provides insights into improving communication skills, especially during stressful holiday interactions with family. It emphasizes the importance of empathy, active listening, and self-awareness in fostering healthier interpersonal dynamics.
9. DAMAGING Responses to Vulnerable Conversation: Examples 6-10
Back to it! Here are the next 5 ways we commonly respond to others which shuts down discussion, fosters misunderstanding, and breeds contempt, according to the NVC experts.
Transcript 8. DAMAGING Responses to Vulnerable Conversation: Examples 1-5
Hey Fuckers! We’re here, to get back into the communication aspects of NVC. We’ve been on a bit of a journey together in the past few months. Episodes 1-3 of this series were on the 4-step process of Nonviolent Communication. The specific approaches and...
8. DAMAGING Responses to Vulnerable Conversation: Examples 1-5
What shuts down effective communication efforts? Well, we’ve got 10 “unrecommended” responses for you. We’ll talk about WHY people use them, what they convey, how they impact the relationship forever, how to de-program them from yourself, and how to course-correct the...
3.10. Chronic deprivation, self-sabotage, psychosomatic illness, and abuse dynamics
This podcast episode explores the concept of chronic self-deprivation and its roots in childhood neglect. It discusses how unrecognized personal needs can lead to self-sabotage, psychosomatic illness, and codependency. The episode offers insights into breaking these patterns by identifying and fulfilling a comprehensive range of human needs, emphasizing the importance of self-care in trauma recovery and personal growth.
NVC shame, parts, and major points with Shelby | MFs Speak!
Today let’s take a relcalibration break to hear the other major points hidden in NonViolent Communication. Straight from the person who introduced me to NVC.
*NEW* BONUS – Building Community – Reflection Qs From NVC Ep 7
Trying a new thing! Leading your reflections and opening space for new community building! ~~ Get your Reflection Qs from the NVC #7 Workbook, in audio form ~~ Hear me clarify, expand, and rephrase questions. Helping you to get the most out of your trauma archeology...
Self-sabotage and your needs
If we deprive ourselves long enough? The SUB-C starts looking for new means of getting our needs met. Let’s whiteboard about it.
BONUS – Identify your hidden vs. over-emphasized needs
If we’re masters at masking our own needs so recovery becomes impossible… how can we start to figure out the ways we’re depriving ourselves?
Concept Introduction: Coercion, control tactics, abuse programming, and family need enmeshment
How do deprived and “unallowed” needs connect with our accrual of CPTSD and abuse-acceptance? Let’s talk about our FOO’s coercive control tactics for ~13 minutes.
7. Self-sabotage and psychosomatic illness V. your SUBC shittery | Important Workbook!
Notes: We have rigid rules about what needs are “allowed” for us in normal circumstances. Those rules often create webs of mandatory needs related to the original over-satiated needs. i.e. rigidly over-exercising -> medical needs, nutritional needs,...
Clarification! Conscious vs Subconscious Need Fulfillling Behaviors
Just a quick point to drive home several times over. No, you’re not CHOOSING self-destruction. Check “Nobody should believe me” wherever you podcast.
7. Deprived Needs, the SUB-C, Self-sabotage and Psychosomatic Illness
So we love to deprive ourselves “for goodness” – but what happens when your subconscious has enough? Today, talking about ways our SUB-C connives against us, creating extraordinary circumstances that allow us to fulfill our “unallowed...
Mini BONUS | Self-abuse Words, NVC, and IFS
So we just finished looking at precise & accurate emotions… ARE there any instances in which “false, projected feelings” are valid? Can self-abuse words be helpful? And how does that concept connect with our parts work ala IFS?
BONUS Breaking the spell of feeling “neglected, ignored, and rejected” – Naming your real feelings and needs
The title says it all? We learned that “projected, false, judgmental” emotional words are a big part of our vocabularies that holds us back. So, let’s redefine those words and pull meaning from them. What are we REALLY trying to say and how can we...
6. “Secondary” Needs and Emotions; Chronic Self-Entrapment
How do we mask our needs from ourselves, fruitlessly dumping energy into areas of life that won’t return any chemical pr physical reward? Lettuce talk about what I’m calling “secondary (preferred) needs” – as they relate to...
6. “Secondary” Needs and Emotions; Chronic Self-Entrapment | Workbook+Video!
Eek. Talk about self-deprivation……. no, really, let’s talk about self-deprivation, masquerading as “meeting our most important needs.” Notes: Ya know, I gave a decent summary in the episode this time ’round. Here it is again: We...
Video! NVC x Recovery x Behavioral Science
Let’s break down “behavioral strings” and see what we can learn about deprivation, triggers, and emotional spirals. NVC on BS on t-recovery, GO!
5. The “Goodness” of Deprived Needs Workbook | NVC Continued
NOTES Depression is the reward we get for being good children. We’re taught what needs we’re allowed to pay attention to as children, we struggle to break those patterns as adults. This creates lifetimes of deprivation in the effort to be...
3.9b Ending Deprivation and Rehabbing yer Brain with NonViolent Communication
This podcast episode explores how NonViolent Communication (NVC) can be used as a tool for trauma recovery and personal growth. It discusses challenging toxic beliefs, identifying unmet needs, and the impact of self-neglect on mental health. The episode emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and fulfilling personal needs as key components in breaking cycles of trauma and depression.
5. The “Goodness” of Deprived Needs | NVC Continued
NonViolent Communication has more to tell us. Today, we’re talking about “the reward we get for being ‘good’ – depression,” and everything else that stands in the way of fulfillment.
BONUS! NVC x IFS Conceptual Overlap
When does an unmet need become a “burden”? What does conflict signify? What’s the answer to resolving interpersonal conflict and healing ourselves? Let’s talk about the intense conceptual crossover between NonViolent Communication and Internal...
BONUS! NVC x IFS Conceptual Overlap
Hey y’all! Welcome to another bonus episode and thank you so much for supporting the project to this degree. This tier makes my world go round. Your interest and financial backing keep me motivated and keep the lights on. So, sincerely, sending all my...
11.9.4. Rewiring yer Brain with NonViolent Communication | Video+Transcript
Notes:NonViolent Communication suggests our needs drive our emotions, which drive our perceptions.From that point, our behaviors are also affected.Going into an interpersonal interaction with unmet needs primes you for creating conflict via projections.Behavioral...
11.9.4. Rewiring yer Brain with NonViolent Communication
Better communication? Great. A recovered t-brain from the same process? Now we’re fckn talkin bud. Today, we’re discussing the most important aspects of NVC – and they have very little to do with other people. Well… except for understanding why...
BONUS! Applied NVC Vignettes and Exercises
It’s a full length Bonus episode! Let’s cover additional examples / pointers from Rosenberg and run through 4 application-checking exercises together.
BONUS! Clarifying NVC Vignettes and Exercises
We work on transforming our relationships until the next trigger arises … and then we find ourselves back in the healing work … which increases our internal capacities … which in turn increases the quality of our communication with ourselves and others … which flows...
Workbook+Videos! 3. Effective (NonViolent) Communication Steps 3-4
Key Points: 4-step process: Separate your observations from your evaluations. Explore, identify, and take ownership of your feelings that are driving the evaluation. Explore, identify, and take ownership of your needs that are driving the feelings, that are driving...
3.9a NonViolent (Effective) Communication
This podcast episode explores NonViolent Communication (NVC) as a framework for effective communication in relationships and personal growth. It breaks down the four steps of NVC: separating observations from evaluations, identifying and owning feelings, recognizing underlying needs, and making requests. The episode discusses how this approach can help individuals with trauma histories improve their communication skills and understand their emotions and needs better.
3. Effective (NonViolent) Communication Steps 3-4
Time to talk about deprivation driving our shitty emotions and the surprising complex world of requests vs. demands. Let’s finish our NLP x relationships conversation and underlying t-relevant concepts… but only if you’re up for it. Cheers! Detailed...
Workbook+Videos! 2. Effective (NonViolent) Communication Steps 1-2
Key points: NonViolent Communication consists of 4 steps: 1) separate observations from evaluations2) identify and claim emotions3) identify and claim unmet needs underlying emotions4) make a request Today, we cover points 1&2 in depth, in two videos, with an...
2. Effective (NonViolent) Communication Steps 1-2
Last time we learned the basic 4 steps of NVC – now let’s get into the full conversation. Tiny neurolinguistic details and enormous universal concepts that make the process work – or doom it to fail. Today, we’ll cover steps 1 & 2 of...
Video+Transcript! Intro to Nonviolent Communication | Conceptual Re-education
My whiteboard and face are back after needing a self-care break! Let’s run through the 4 steps of NVC, in preparation for the deep details comin at you next week “A major pain point in our relationships involves getting stuck in cycles of reactive...
3.8b Shitpologies (AKA non-apology apologies)
This podcast episode explores the concept of non-apology apologies and their impact on relationships. It discusses various types of ineffective apologies, such as “I’m sorry if,” “I’m sorry, you know I,” “I’m sorry but,” and “I’m sorry you.” The episode emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility, acknowledging the other person’s experience, and offering genuine amendments for repairing relationships. It also touches on the upcoming topic of nonviolent communication as a more effective way to handle conflicts and maintain healthy relationships.
1. Intro to Nonviolent Communication | Conceptual Re-education before the Deets
Why is “humaning” so hard? Well it doesn’t help that roughly none of us know how to speak to each other without control tactics, projections, and mind-reading expectations. This month, we’re talking about NonViolent Communication (NVC) in great...
Rerelease | Learning to Live with CPTSD | Archie As A Metaphor
WTF Mates! Patreon didn’t publish on the 25th. Have this one “late” and sorry about that Fuckers! See you tomorrow in the *new stuff* – NonViolent Communication! Born “different.” Overcoming challenges that...
Rerelease | Learning to Live on CPTSD | Archie As a Metaphor
Motivational figure, wealth of joy, and dedicated learner despite everything that was against him. For a lot more on Archie’s legend, check his tale here follow his story on IG here and check the blog category for Archie. Always Hail Archie. So. How DO you write...
BONUS No “right to safety” in the Family of Origin | When they say the quiet part out loud
Ever have your family members directly state your core CPTSD wounds aloud, with no idea what they’re saying? I have. Let’s talk about the “reasonable expectation for safety” being an unreasonable request in our families of origin. And our...