by Jess | Aug 30, 2020 | Blog, Jess Journals, My Stories, No Contact, Public Blog, Public Content
Hey, who wants an emotional one? Here it comes. Years ago, my therapist asked me to write this letter, fold it up, and burn it. I never did. The other day, it came streaming out unprovoked… My unsent letter to the dude that caused most of my family’s...
by Jess | Aug 30, 2020 | Early CPTSD Info, Patron Season 03, Public Content, Public Podcast, Public Rereleases, Seasons
Ever feel like you get “stuck” in a void? Like your brain goes blank and your tongue gets tied? Do you watch your life deteriorate while you’re stuck in a parallel dimension? Hey, today I’m discussing Freeze States in Trauma survivors....
by Jess | Aug 29, 2020 | Early CPTSD Info, Most Helpful - 1 Star, Patron Season 03, Public Content, Public Podcast, Public Rereleases, Seasons, Voted Most Helpful
How are your emotions? Black and white, like everything else? 0 or 100? Big surprise, your trauma brain is just trying to keep you safe. Today, I’m discussing some research on Emotional Dissociation as well as my own experience with the learned defense...
by Jess | Aug 29, 2020 | Blog, Education, Patron Season 03, Public Blog, Tools and Resources, Transcripts, Work and trauma
Anyone else have trouble with work stress and triggering work environments (physical and social)? Holler. It’s been just over 3 months since I quit my super triggering and toxic job… and holy shit, I feel so much better NOT reporting in for the daily...
by Jess | Aug 27, 2020 | Blog, Early CPTSD Info, Education, LIVING with Complex Trauma, Public Blog, Transcripts
A lot of us describe getting “stuck” in a Freeze state following a triggering event or new trauma in our lives. I think most of us have heard plenty about Fight/Flight responses in regard to Trauma and PTSD. However, Freeze and Fawn responses are relatively new in our...
by Jess | Aug 26, 2020 | Most Helpful - 2 Stars, Patron Season 03, Public Content, Public Podcast, Public Rereleases, Seasons, Voted Most Helpful, Work and trauma
Struggle with work environments triggering your trauma and disrupting your life? Wonder why coworkers drive you over the edge? Ever feel like you’re just “not cut out” for a 9-5? Yeah, Fucker. You aren’t alone. Of course, our ACEs contribute to...
by Jess | Aug 26, 2020 | Ask Me Anything, Git Changing | Advanced, Patron Season 03, Seasons, Subscriber Content
Holler, look who isn’t spewing out 50 minutes of research and writing today! Instead, I’m addressing the AMA questions from the TMFR Patreon and sharing the answers with everyone. What’s my number one recovery tool, why did this project get started,...
by Jess | Aug 24, 2020 | Blog, CPTSD Relationship Downfalls, Education, LIVING with Complex Trauma, Public Blog, Transcripts
I’ve been back at trauma reading and learning lately; a side-effect of preparing to go back to school AND having open access to scientific literature through the school’s online library. It feels like taking a step back into my old life. I might as well...
by Jess | Aug 22, 2020 | Audio Podcasts | Subscribers, Git Educated | Intermediate, Patron Season 03, Seasons, Subscriber Content
Ever get that voice in your head whispering sour nothings about your shortcomings and the false perceptions of others? Hey, me too. Annnd that’s especially true when I try to meld this CPTSD support project with my actual schooling in ABA. This week,...
by Jess | Aug 20, 2020 | CPTSD Relationship Downfalls, Most Helpful - 2 Stars, Patron Season 02, Public Content, Public Podcast, Seasons, Voted Most Helpful
Ever heard of Deactivation? I hadn’t either. But it explains a lot about my do-or-die relationships and flighty nature. A die-hard companion. A martyr for relationships. A friend until the end. (READ: A codependent mess) UNTIL I’M NOT. Here for you...
by Jess | Aug 17, 2020 | Audio Podcasts | Subscribers, Depression, Shame, Rumination, Early CPTSD Info, Git Educated | Intermediate, Most Helpful - 3 Stars, Patron Season 02, Public Rereleases, Seasons, Subscriber Content, Voted Most Helpful
What the fuck IS shame, exactly? How is it different from guilt? How does it interplay with Trauma? Doing some “real research” and reporting back on the hidden experience of Shame. One of the most painful and pervasive emotions.
by Jess | Aug 17, 2020 | Blog, Jess Journals, LIVING with Complex Trauma, Psychosomatic illness, Public Blog
Photocredit @ Tia Trauma is a funny thing, huh? You’re keeping pace, holding a job, forging your way through a “normal” life, maybe even leading an “impressive” one… and then, things start going haywire. Maybe it starts with some increased anxiety… depressive spells...
by tmfrscom | Aug 15, 2020 | Audio Podcasts | Subscribers, Git Educated | Intermediate, Patron Season 02, Repost, Seasons, Subscriber Content
August 15th, 2020 “You can come home,” my mom has {usually} said. “I would rather die,” I’ve always replied. So, it’s been two months of living with my mom. AKA my worst nightmare come true! Normally, I’m knee deep in suicidal...
by Jess | Aug 14, 2020 | Audio Podcasts | Subscribers, Git Educated | Intermediate, Patron Season 02, Seasons, Subscriber Content
Guess who’s going back to school? Mhmm, yer girl’s getting her M.S. in ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) after years of putting off further formal education. What IS ABA, how has it helped in this ttrauma recovery journey, and how can it help other...
by Jess | Aug 14, 2020 | Blog, Depression, Shame, Rumination, Early CPTSD Info, Education, LIVING with Complex Trauma, Public Blog, Transcripts
First, a personal spiel. Then, the research. Something has been on my mind – and in my gut lately. While staying with my mom for the past two months I’ve been reintroduced to a particular creeping sensation… one that is difficult to name or describe....
by Jess | Aug 13, 2020 | Blog, Jess Journals, My Stories, Public Blog
Ever look back at your life and think “huh, actually I guess I did alright, considering the clusterfuck?” when you’re forcing yourself to be honest? (or, let’s be real, when your therapist is telling you so.) Maybe it isn’t how you see yourself. Maybe you have a...
by Jess | Aug 12, 2020 | Patron Season 02, Public Content, Public Podcast, Public Rereleases, Seasons
So… things suddenly aren’t going so well with your body? Weird shit is happening, acutely and chronically? Sorry, Motherfucker. Welcome to the world of trauma manifestation in physical symptoms. Talking flashbacks, dissociation, and all the assorted...
by Jess | Aug 12, 2020 | Archie, Blog, Education, Jess Journals, Public Blog
Today marks the end of week two with my buddy Archie, a cerebellar hypoplasia dog that I’ve been fostering. Nah, this has nothing to do directly with trauma… but it’s definitely a crash course in dealing with my own shit while I tackle someone...
by Jess | Aug 10, 2020 | Blog, Member Posts, MF Speaks, MFs Speak!, Public Blog
I love getting thoughtful, sharing messages from other folks on their Trauma journey. Last night, I received a great one from a new member named Tia. Better yet – she sent ART! Check out her full Flickr profile here Here’s a quick art blurb from Tia:...
by Jess | Aug 9, 2020 | Audio Podcasts | Subscribers, Git Educated | Intermediate, Most Helpful - 1 Star, Patron Season 02, Public Content, Public Podcast, Public Rereleases, Seasons, Voted Most Helpful
Punk is the trauma genre, drawing misfits and unwanted outsiders together to create their own community. And they don’t have time for yer societal shit. Fact is, if I hadn’t become a punk, I probably would have followed in my family footsteps. Without this...
by Jess | Aug 7, 2020 | Blog, Early CPTSD Info, Jess Journals, LIVING with Complex Trauma, Public Blog, Transcripts
One of the weirdest things for me on this CPTSD journey is realizing how my emotions change with the tides. And how unaware I can be of the gravitational pull. One day I say I’m doing great, the next day it feels like the end of the world. One moment I’m happy, the...
by Jess | Aug 5, 2020 | Blog, Jess Journals, LIVING with Complex Trauma, Public Blog
Another throwback post from a year or two ago! I would like to say that this has changed, but nah. That would be a motherfucking lie. To this day, I still have to leave this note-to-self on the docket. Enjoy this old, still relevant, article from an earlier iteration...
by Jess | Aug 4, 2020 | Bonus Episodes, Git Changing | Advanced, Patron Season 02, Seasons, Subscriber Content
Unpopular opinion; early trauma gave me a lot of positive personality traits… you know, along with all the terrible ones. Am I a basketcase sometimes? Sure. Am I also resilient, responsible, good at reading people, and ready for disaster? Yer motherfucking...
by Jess | Aug 4, 2020 | Archie, Blog, Education, Jess Journals, My Stories, Public Blog
For over a year I’ve been trying to get a dog. Yes, I know, there are millions of needy dogs to choose from – what is the “trying” I speak of? How does this take a year? Well, I’m an emotional motherfucker with a heavy shame complex, back the fuck off. Believe...
by Jess | Aug 3, 2020 | Blog, Public Blog, RECOVERY, Transcripts
So, your head is a fucking nightmare. You know you have anxiety and depression… there are a few other things floating around… but you haven’t gotten the answers or coping tools to make a difference in your life. I feel you. For 20-something years I didn’t see a...
by Jess | Aug 2, 2020 | Bonus Episodes, Git Changing | Advanced, Patron Season 02, Seasons, Subscriber Content
I’m great at taking care of everyone… but myself. Always dissociated. Always slave-driving. Always worried about everyone else. Sound right? What is this “self-care?” How does one “have fun?” Lessons from a life constructed of workaholism...
by Jess | Aug 1, 2020 | Audio Podcasts | Subscribers, Git Educated | Intermediate, Patron Season 02, Seasons, Subscriber Content
Shit inner critic, that is. Mine‘s been rearing his ugly fucking face in regards to personal relationships… Logical brain quietly disagrees.
