FULL EPISODE GUIDE
Use the Episode Guide to browse everything we’ve ever released. Search (ctrl-f) for keywords & find the posts that pertain to you most! Or check the season trends below & dive into a string of episodes to listen chronologically to the unfolding topics.
Browse by season
– Click the Season header to get all relevant posts on one page.
– Each Season has a context, a tone, and some building episode topics/trends.
– For the full story (consider this a “living book on CPTSD recovery”), start listening from the beginning.
– Private seasons 1-2 have been largely publicly re-released. Start on season 3 if you’ve already listened through the public podcast.
– The research begins around season 3, intensifies, and BUILDS with time. Starting at the later seasons might lead to missing context and confusion.
Can’t find something? Email me at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com
Context: One year pre-pandemic. Recovering and blogging about CPTSD milestones.
Episode tone: Experiencing a life of relief for the first time in a long time.Episode trends: Early recovery, CPTSD 101, anxiety, PTSD symptoms, symptom management.
Context: The pandemic hits and life changes. This MF accidentally starts a CPTSD recovery podcast, and then returns “home” where family history challenges progress.
Episode tone: More personal and emotional. Light listening. Early in trauma education, starting to look back on life to see deeper pattern replications running through relationships.
Trends: Reflecting on life with CPTSD, highlights of recovery perspectives, early measures to reduce trauma symptoms and counteract usual narratives, recovery motivation, initial realizations of trauma, aiming for family relationship healing.
Context: As the world COVID burns, this accidental podcast thing seems to be taking off… so it’s becoming an obsession and method of escapism. Workaholism reigns, financial trauma pokes, old mother triggers begin to emerge…. But the relationship seems slated for recovery. (It isn’t.)
Episode tone: experiential and emotional reflection on life with complex trauma. Easy listening. Early days in podcasting and understanding trauma trends.
Episode trends: reflecting on a life lived with CPTSD, early recovery pointers & perspective reframes, recognition of trauma, understanding emotions, masking mental illness, overcompensation and escapism, intro to financial trauma, health trauma.
Context: End of year 2020; political and viral tumult continues. A new relationship enters and exits in trauma-typical abandonment fashion. Then this MF’s estranged dad suddenly dies, ending all plans to return to Atlanta and catalyzing deeper re-entry into family of origin dynamics.
Episode tone: Entering research mode, as avoided family trauma wounds rise and mental health becomes harder to support through grief.
Episode trends: research heavier, emotional examination, evolutionary biology emphasis, disassociation, survival responses, distress, chaos, depression, sensitivity, stimulation, hypervigilance, grandiose narcissism, abuse patterns, relationships, memory, intro to neurobiology, rumination, anxiety, loss, estrangement, family re-immersion, holiday specials.
Context: The world is “reopening after COVID.” The aftermath of my dad’s death begins to set in. I officially move home to assist and support (read: slowly crash and burn) among the family. Relationship with my mom undergoes reanalysis as old trauma realizations pop up and a brain gets fucky.
Episode tone: Heavy research masking heavy emotions. Narrowing discussions on specific aspects of real-life with trauma backed up by outside sources.
Episode trends: relationship patterns, recovering with body awareness and behavioral science, fucked up core beliefs, neuroplasticity introductions, disassociative identities, parental realizations, narcissism, vulnerable narcissism, victimhood, emotional manipulation, self-harm, black sheeping, family hierarchies, family obligation, trauma patterns, generational trauma, societal examination, mental heuristics, sexual abuse, gender, sexuality, and covert abuse.
Context: The world is “back to normal again!” And the social pressures / triggers set in, as COVID restrictions roll back. Meanwhile, everything goes wrong on the home front. Mom is on the attack, brothers are channeling our late dad, Archie begins to change in a troubling way.
Episode tone: dark and serious. Perhaps a bit defensive. Snark runs through. Look, when circumstances are “uncontrollable chaos and historical abuse reborn” ya fragment, and the protective parts come out. Big change is underway, including tent-living in my favorite woods.
Episode trends: post-pandemic, human performance, tapdancing for others, boundaries, fragmented personalities (DID, disassociative identities, fractionalized memories, internal family systems, schema theory), neural networks, brain development, science of connection, social animal programming, social learning, syncing, enmeshment, dysregulated parents, parenting styles, fawning, trauma-self, taking back control, animal friends, Archiewheeliepup, tour de life.
Context: The tour de life ends, Archiewheeliepup has moved on. This guy (ng’d) podcasts and continues school from the woods instead of the war house. Grief, unpredictable events, and rapid situational change make a brain question what’s real.
Episode tone: Focused on refinding your Self and redirecting life course to embody that human… transitions into understanding trauma neurobiology and working with your brain functions. Personally, grieving. Some emotional episodes come out alongside the research.
Episode trends: Self, empowerment, life change, values, self-concept, neurobiology, brain functions, biological resource limitations, rapid change, lone wolfing it, going no contact, family of origin, depersonalization, derealization, relationships, environmental triggers, emotional protection, attachment, brain management, rewiring.
Context: The Dead Dad House renovations finally begin, and re-enmeshment with siblings proves that you aren’t truly “NC” with one family member if you’re still in contact with the rest. Family of origin trauma, school, living pressure, and 3 jobs rip through this nervous system.
Episode tone: It’s an internal battle, recovery brain vs. re-emerging trauma brain. Attempts to make sense of the cognitive events taking place through intensive research. Personal details fade, as the family system stalks the project and volleys back punishment. Sense of shame, childhood parts activation, and fear of disclosure grow.
Episode trends: time distortions, cognitive distortions, examining “perspective” in all its gaslighting glory, perspective as basis for PTSD, “the danger of the aftermath,” trauma transmission, resistance vs. resilience, societal commentary, social stress, generational societal trauma, resources required for recovery.
Context: Society is up to SOME SHIT. Global war and human autonomy revocation triggers the system. Meanwhile, the Dead Dad House Project is over. Goals for family healing? For now, abandoned. “The aftermath of leaving filial obligation” spawn new cognitive terrors.
Episode tone: “Here we go! Time to get back on track!” (Unfair self-expectations for immediate recovery create inner turmoil). A renewed focus on the basics of recovery and needed resources. Societal commentary on the situation we’re all trapped within.
Episode trends: obligation, filial obligation, recovery, society, social trauma, Self, fragmentation, recovery, obligatory relationships, guilt, the aftermath, inner work, self-empowerment.
Context: Living in Atlanta, attempting to pull this Self back together after a year of destabilization. Making big changes and moving out, autonomous again, through reintegration efforts. Sibling trauma riles the system.
Episode tone: Applying the research so far and doing the work. Inner work, outer work, and reintegration. Step-by-step how-to and lighter tone.
Episode trends: inner work, outer work, reintegration, stabilization, processing, self-limitation, Self, parts, conscious and subconscious, making changes, leaving trauma patterns, creating new lives.
Context: Now living alone in South Carolina, dealing with the past 2 years of backlogged trauma and ongoing harassment. ISOLATION takes over, and rethinking relationships shortly follows.
Episode tone: Wondering if relationships ARE a necessary part of recovery, after a long bout of lone-wolfing. Researching and relearning relationship basics, in conjunction with Internal Family Systems thinking.
Episode trends: Loneliness, Internal Family Systems, parts, relationship avoidance, vulnerability, intimacy, trust, relationship recovery benefits, conflict, navigating internal conflict in relationship, detecting good relational partners, apologies, healthy disagreements and communication skills, relational repair.
Context:The economy wins and I’m back in “the family circle” through relocation to Illinois. Living in an RV and relying on mama narc for a place to park, the core wounds are wailing…. and yet… recovery begins.
Episode tone: Coming to terms with relational wounds and seeking the gray tones in B&W situations.
Episode trends: relational communication, nonviolent communication process, HUMAN NEEDS, deprivation, enmeshment, relationship loose ends.
Context: Find me freezing through a Midwest Winter in MurderRV. After 6 months at home, relational strain is evident. Self-growth predominates and sanity returns, anyhow.
Episode tone: BACK TO RESEARCH FUCKERS! Revisiting old topics with new insights, gathered from academia and additional years.
Episode trends: vulnerable narcissism, time space and energy, time orientation, psychosomatic, ego issues, philosophy of filial obligation, self and Self, boundaries