BONUS Recording from Home | Shared parts and projected conflict between siblings
My brothers and I have some relatively unexamined trauma between us… until recent years. Here’s what I’m finding out, through my family, about myself, and the generational trauma trends that make it obvious “most of our conflict has nothing to...
BONUS Intro to Recording from Home / FOO Recontact
Welp, if you’ve followed along with the show, you know where I’ve been with “family relationships.” Increasingly NC for years. Then, in 2023, filial obliation called. And I hesitantly dove back in. Let’s talk about what’s been...Rewiring your deepest wounds with conflict resolution
Welllll… we’re at it again. Having more “drive the point home” thoughts after reflecting on what was recently said. Who’s ready for another unexpected post? Cuz here we go. Ps – my brain must be feeling better, because it’s got a lot to say lately, and the energy with...
Rewiring your deepest wounds with conflict resolution
What if relational conflict was the answer to healing self-destructive thoughts and harmful lifelong narratives?
3.8a The Key to Healing Relational Ruptures (and two people)
My Fuckers. Hello. It feels like it’s been a while and I hope life hasn’t been railing you too hard in the interim. Me? Oh I’ve just been recovering from my more recent railings. So, on a related note. Let’s keep talking about relationships, huh? Lemme just...Workbook | Non-apology Apologies
Notes: Relationships can’t heal unless we come together from self-undefensive places, make efforts to understand the other person’s experience, speak to the wounds we’ve touched on/created, and offer sincere amendments to our missteps. Unfortunately,...
14 types of non-apology apologies & how-to do them better
How we say “I’m sorry” really matters. Let’s talk about ways that people do it poorly, and what those half-assed apologies actually mean. Then… how to do them better.
Workbook! Relational rupture, without repair | The real problem in our relationships
Notes: We human animals focus on “conflict avoidance” as the measure of a good relationship – but conflict is inevitable and an opportunity for growth. The real crux of relationships is knowing how to repair ruptures between us and devoting ourselves...
Relational rupture, without repair | The crux of our relational issues
Turns out, relational rupture will always take place to some extent. But what really matters is repairing the connection with a simple phrase, “you’re seen, you’re heard, you’re understood, and you’re still loved,” after conflict....
Extra Fs to give in Relationships
Check out the workbook version of this post by subscribing to the Git Changing tier on Patreon and then heading to the Private Member Hub on this site! Each workbook includes the transcript and my doods… and also has bulleted summary notes at the top &...
Ignoring Red Flags; a real life nightmare
Alert: change in programming! And I’ll tell ya why. This month we talked about the real difficulty in starting healthy relationships – choosing the right partner. We discussed honoring what we feel in our bodies around others and examining their social...
10.51 Assessing potential partner’s “parts” through their social systems
We internalize the external systems we have to engage with, structuring our brains to be similar (or counteractively the complete opposite). But no one else can see the many layers of programming we carry – and we’re often unaware of the ways the past is...
BONUS Video! Visualizing “relationship dynamics”
“Relationship” can seem like a nebulous cloud. So let’s keep breaking it down. How can we understand “relationship dynamics” – especially as they relate to learned behaviors that contradict our true intentions? Have some...
Workbook! Sensing “energies” in potential partners, and what it all means
Key points: (IMO) Assigning moralistic judgments (“good,” “bad,” “nice person”) to new relational partners is not helpful. These are reductionary, easy to misinterpret, and can set us on unhealthy courses of action. Leaning on basic...
10.50 Sensing “energies” in potential partners, and what it all means
If the IFS approach isn’t for you, this episode might be. Let’s talk about the validity of “energy” as the biological force driving everything and something we can sense in others. Then, what those “energies” we detect might mean about the potential for the...
10.49 Somatic understanding of “Parts” in others… before you commit to a shitlationship
We can’t predict what the future will hold or rigidly mentalize about other people’s brains, but we CAN be real with ourselves about what lives inside of us that might NOT be able to healthily proceed with another person. Let’s talk about actually honoring your...
3.7. Determining “Are they a good relational partner?” before committing
SO, if you’ve been listening along to all this relational talk for the past few months, you may have been thinking: “Sounds great, I’d love to have fulfilling, trustworthy relationships that appease some of that emotional and social loneliness we talked about back in...
BONUS Video! Interpersonal dynamics, explained by Behavioral Science
Each relationship is a learned “dynamic.” Each dynamic is a series of common interactions. Each interaction is a series of Behavioral Strings. So let’s talk about these shared Behavioral Strings – where each behavior acts as a...
10.48 Extra “survival Fs” to give in relationship; Fronting and Feigning
We all know about the 4 survival Fs at this point. But how about the additional F reactions- Fronting and Feigning? Let’s talk about learned reactions that keep us feeling safe in relationship… while rotting out the connection, engaging manipulation tactics, and using...
Workbook! Extra F’s to give in relationships
Notes: We react with “survival Fs” when we sense our safety is in question. I propose there are at least 2 additional Fs that show up regularly in relationships. Fronting is the strategy of making yourself bigger, stronger, smarter, and more threatening....
10.47 Enough Fluff – Relational “Real Talk” | Setting course for July
The past months of material may have been a shock to the system – where’s all this idealistic relational information coming from? Well, first, let me tell you the personal situation behind the sea change. This month we’ll cover: How do you know when you’re “picking up...
FULL Episode Guide
Episode Guide | FULL Version(Includes bonuses that are available to Advanced subscription tiers. Check your subscription for access.)Looking for something specific? Use “ctrl-f” to search the document for words that are on your brain. Search anything,...
10.46 Visiting family and life updates with Incanthatus | MFs Speak!
This time round, we’re hearing two stories from our buddy Inca! Let’s hear about their… Life Updates; progress in transgender treatment and support, creating an NPD-self-workbook, big anniversary news, and continued certifications for helping others! Adventures in...
10.45 Worthlessness wounds, Burden parts, and self-slaying Punishers with Leanne | MFs Speak!
It’s a double dose of recordings by Leanne and commentary by this MF! Today, we’ll talk about the core wound of “worthlessness” that often underlies a multitude of our repetitive trauma experiences. Then, we’ll hear about two newly discovered Parts of Leanne’s brain;...
10.44 A to your Q: Stunting F responses in relationships
Ya asked, I didn’t want to forget to answer. How do we “get over” fight/flight in conflict so we can master Intimacy from the Inside Out?
10.43 BONUS Disclosure followthrough: behind the scenes in traumarific times
I got terrible at something in the past year or so; relational self-disclosure and expression. For protective reasons. Here are a few of the reasons why, and where the tone of this show is headed for July… now that I’m breaking the seal before I psych myself...
10.42 Dominic’s filial obligation to misery-spreading father parts | MFs Speak!
Today we hear from a first-time recorder, Dominic, about his lifetime of paternal abuse and filial obligation. Asking the big questions: When is “enough enough” as we care for the people who never cared for us… or even themselves? We’ll hear the...
Community Discussion! What tools have helped you stay committed to hard conversations and relations?
This month we talked about the U-Turn to Re-turn and several other methods to help us communicate more honestly / less defensively… What have YOU been able to put into place to overcome the distance created by defensive parts?Or are you still looking for...
Why “healthy communication and expectation” doesn’t exist: Parts on Parts violence between partners PT 2 | Video+Workbook
Here’s a revised, more balanced WordPress SEO extract for the text:
This podcast episode explores the complexities of relationships and how our inner worlds affect our interactions with partners. It discusses how unresolved traumas and protective behaviors can influence relationship dynamics, often unconsciously. The episode examines different internal ‘parts’ – such as exiles, managers, and protectors – and how they manifest in partnerships. It touches on common communication challenges and the patterns that emerge when different internal parts interact. The discussion emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and healing in fostering healthier relationships. While not offering definitive solutions, this episode provides a framework for understanding some of the psychological underpinnings of relationship difficulties and the potential for growth through self-reflection.
Final VIT video release! Healing communication issues between parts in partners – pt 3
You got it, the tiny rundown on episode #3 of the month! Here’s the short and skinny on healing relationships using IFS x couples therapy x healthy communication… in doodles. And why it’s worth all the inevitable upset &...
VIT videos videos videos! A month in review pt I
We covered A LOT this month – so here’s the full rundown in doodles! Each short corresponds to an episode on the topic of Parts in Partners and building conscious relationships. Here’s part I – why we lose love and build resentment...
3.6b Overcoming spiraling conflicts in trauma-impacted relationships
You know the deal… This is the transcript of the bitesized”summary” episode by the same name!Listen to it free, wherever you stream. For the full research details, pulled from 3 honkin episodes… and so many bonuses… check...
Workbook-transcript! Healing hellish communication and re-instating authentic love | Parts on Parts violence between partners PT 3
Here’s ya major points, rough transcript, doodleys, and reflection Qs for the week’s episode! Download below. Hope it helps break down better communication tactics between parts in partners <3 Hail yer damn Self this weekend And cheers y’all VIT...
10.41 Healing hellish communication and re-installing authentic love | Parts on Parts violence between partners PT 3
With all these parts problems raging within relationships, how do we break the cycle? What are the self-regulation and communication tactics we need to learn to stop ourselves from fighting and fleeing away from fearful connections?
3.6 Lost love and authentic connection; the fragmented explanation
This is the transcript version of the podcast of the same name! Find it wherever you listen, just search “traumatized motherfuckers” or “complex trauma.” For the full details of the conversation (and the rest of this relational talk) hit...
Transcript-Workbook for Why “authentic love” doesn’t last: Parts on Parts violence between partners PT I
Doing a smarter thing starting this month! Here’s the transcript, main points summary, doods, and reflection Qs in one! Find it in less-pretty form on the private blog, or just get it right here! Download in attachments. Thanks y’all. Yer the best...
Lessons in relational danger: “When the perp is your savior” by Leanne
This is the transcript of the recent release of the same name! For more episodes like these, from MFs like you, join us in the private podcast stream/community here! And help support this DIY trauma support effort while you connect. Take care, get inner werkin, and...
Workbook! Disorganized attachment through IFS | YOUR Parts in Relationship Pt 2
Reminder! This is the blogged version of the workbook. It’s not fancy in this form. Want the nice formatting? Yeah you do. PT II Workbook VIT and YOUR PartsDownload TMFRsLet’s make sense of yer stupid fucking brainVIT in relationship and YOUR parts PT IIWhat’s...
Workbook! Disorganized attachment through IFS | YOUR Parts in Relationship Pt 1
Reminder! This is the blogged version of the workbook. It’s not fancy in this form. Want the nice formatting? Yeah you do. Workbook VIT and YOUR PartsDownload TMFRs Let’s make sense of yer stupid fucking brain VIT in relationship and YOUR parts What’s standing...
3.5 Shadow parts vs. successful relationships | Internal VIT for healthy connections
This podcast episode explores the impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships through the lens of Internal Family Systems. It discusses how unresolved inner conflicts and self-protective behaviors can sabotage connections, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and inner work. The episode offers insights into healing childhood relationship trauma and building healthier connections by understanding and addressing our internal “parts.”
3.5 Shadow parts vs. successful relationships | Internal VIT for healthy connections
We MFs struggle to begin or maintain healthy relationship dynamics, with a lot of externalized finger pointing about why. “Abusers just flock to me.” But the truth is, the abuse recreation is mutual and it all starts in the place we attempt to willfully...
3.5 Shadow parts vs. successful relationships | Internal VIT for healthy connections
My Fuckers. Welcome back! And thanks for being here to learn about what’s been roughing up your relationships for a while now. Last month we talked about some of the obstacles to forming authentic, connective, healing relationships when we have histories of PTSD. Of...
“Recovery Emotions vs. Life Obligations” Mailbag!
This podcast episode addresses the challenge of balancing trauma recovery and therapy with daily responsibilities like work and parenting. It discusses the potential impact of therapy on emotional stability and functionality, offering strategies to manage these effects. The episode explores the concept of Internal Family Systems and suggests ways to accommodate healing work within a busy life, including potential career changes. It also touches on broader societal issues that complicate mental health recovery.
“Recovery Emotions vs. Life Obligations” Mailbag!
This is the rough transcript of the podcast episode of the same name!Find it wherever you podcast, just search “traumatized motherfuckers” to listen.If you’re ready for a lot more MF learning, jump into the private podcast stream with over 300...
BONUS BONUS | Examining grating relationship triggers and expected dynamics
Take a look at your past relationships. Ones that didn’t pan out ideally. Sit down, get comfortable, ground yourself (that means, feel into your damn feet), and try to get into a less brain-active place so you can direct your own thoughts. As always, don’t do any of...
Special release | “Ah Hell Naw” Learned obstacles to forming close relationships
This podcast episode explores the challenges trauma survivors face in forming close relationships. It discusses how past experiences create fears around vulnerability, intimacy, and trust, leading to isolation and loneliness. The episode examines the internal conflicts and self-protective behaviors that can sabotage connections, offering insights into the complex dynamics of relationships for those with PTSD or complex trauma.
VIT Pt III -“Ah hell no” – Learned Obstacles to Vulnerability, Intimacy, and Trust in Relationships
So Fuckers, we’ve been talking relationship issues this year. Starting with loneliness and the many ways it overlaps with CPTSD. Then, using IFS we went diving into the ways our brains pattern themselves after the social influences in our environments, leaving us with...
BONUS | Examining yer VIT narratives and assumptions
So, talking obstacles to VIT this month. And let me guess, your head has been like “where do we fucking start, with the 20 foot wall we’ve built, the moat, the drawbridge, or the armed guards installed all around this castle?” Having relationships? We’ll do it if we...