Workbook+Videos! 2. Effective (NonViolent) Communication Steps 1-2
Key points: NonViolent Communication consists of 4 steps: 1) separate observations from evaluations2) identify and claim emotions3) identify and claim unmet needs underlying emotions4) make a request Today, we cover points 1&2 in depth, in two videos, with an...
2. Effective (NonViolent) Communication Steps 1-2
Last time we learned the basic 4 steps of NVC – now let’s get into the full conversation. Tiny neurolinguistic details and enormous universal concepts that make the process work – or doom it to fail. Today, we’ll cover steps 1 & 2 of...
Video+Transcript! Intro to Nonviolent Communication | Conceptual Re-education
My whiteboard and face are back after needing a self-care break! Let’s run through the 4 steps of NVC, in preparation for the deep details comin at you next week “A major pain point in our relationships involves getting stuck in cycles of reactive...
3.8b Shitpologies (AKA non-apology apologies)
This podcast episode explores the concept of non-apology apologies and their impact on relationships. It discusses various types of ineffective apologies, such as “I’m sorry if,” “I’m sorry, you know I,” “I’m sorry but,” and “I’m sorry you.” The episode emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility, acknowledging the other person’s experience, and offering genuine amendments for repairing relationships. It also touches on the upcoming topic of nonviolent communication as a more effective way to handle conflicts and maintain healthy relationships.
1. Intro to Nonviolent Communication | Conceptual Re-education before the Deets
Why is “humaning” so hard? Well it doesn’t help that roughly none of us know how to speak to each other without control tactics, projections, and mind-reading expectations. This month, we’re talking about NonViolent Communication (NVC) in great...
Rerelease | Learning to Live with CPTSD | Archie As A Metaphor
WTF Mates! Patreon didn’t publish on the 25th. Have this one “late” and sorry about that Fuckers! See you tomorrow in the *new stuff* – NonViolent Communication! Born “different.” Overcoming challenges that...
Rerelease | Learning to Live on CPTSD | Archie As a Metaphor
Motivational figure, wealth of joy, and dedicated learner despite everything that was against him. For a lot more on Archie’s legend, check his tale here follow his story on IG here and check the blog category for Archie. Always Hail Archie. So. How DO you write...
BONUS No “right to safety” in the Family of Origin | When they say the quiet part out loud
Ever have your family members directly state your core CPTSD wounds aloud, with no idea what they’re saying? I have. Let’s talk about the “reasonable expectation for safety” being an unreasonable request in our families of origin. And our...
BONUS Recording from home | “Sibling Rivalry” masking unfulfilled needs
So let’s say I don’t have “the best relationship” with my eldest brother. For years, this has been written off by others as “sibling rivalry”… which hasn’t felt like the most accurate label. What are we really...
BONUS Recording from home | Family recontact reflections
Warning of lesser sound quality! How bout a headphone-recorded off the cuff episode, reflecting on the utility and challenges of reconnecting with that FOO (family of origin)? Cuz that’s where this MF has been… and the results have been...
BONUS Recording from Home | Shared parts and projected conflict between siblings
My brothers and I have some relatively unexamined trauma between us… until recent years. Here’s what I’m finding out, through my family, about myself, and the generational trauma trends that make it obvious “most of our conflict has nothing to...
BONUS Intro to Recording from Home / FOO Recontact
Welp, if you’ve followed along with the show, you know where I’ve been with “family relationships.” Increasingly NC for years. Then, in 2023, filial obliation called. And I hesitantly dove back in. Let’s talk about what’s been...Rewiring your deepest wounds with conflict resolution
Welllll… we’re at it again. Having more “drive the point home” thoughts after reflecting on what was recently said. Who’s ready for another unexpected post? Cuz here we go. Ps – my brain must be feeling better, because it’s got a lot to say lately, and the energy with...
Rewiring your deepest wounds with conflict resolution
What if relational conflict was the answer to healing self-destructive thoughts and harmful lifelong narratives?
3.8a The Key to Healing Relational Ruptures (and two people)
My Fuckers. Hello. It feels like it’s been a while and I hope life hasn’t been railing you too hard in the interim. Me? Oh I’ve just been recovering from my more recent railings. So, on a related note. Let’s keep talking about relationships, huh? Lemme just...Workbook | Non-apology Apologies
Notes: Relationships can’t heal unless we come together from self-undefensive places, make efforts to understand the other person’s experience, speak to the wounds we’ve touched on/created, and offer sincere amendments to our missteps. Unfortunately,...
14 types of non-apology apologies & how-to do them better
How we say “I’m sorry” really matters. Let’s talk about ways that people do it poorly, and what those half-assed apologies actually mean. Then… how to do them better.
Workbook! Relational rupture, without repair | The real problem in our relationships
Notes: We human animals focus on “conflict avoidance” as the measure of a good relationship – but conflict is inevitable and an opportunity for growth. The real crux of relationships is knowing how to repair ruptures between us and devoting ourselves...
Relational rupture, without repair | The crux of our relational issues
Turns out, relational rupture will always take place to some extent. But what really matters is repairing the connection with a simple phrase, “you’re seen, you’re heard, you’re understood, and you’re still loved,” after conflict....
Extra Fs to give in Relationships
Check out the workbook version of this post by subscribing to the Git Changing tier on Patreon and then heading to the Private Member Hub on this site! Each workbook includes the transcript and my doods… and also has bulleted summary notes at the top &...
Ignoring Red Flags; a real life nightmare
Alert: change in programming! And I’ll tell ya why. This month we talked about the real difficulty in starting healthy relationships – choosing the right partner. We discussed honoring what we feel in our bodies around others and examining their social...
10.51 Assessing potential partner’s “parts” through their social systems
We internalize the external systems we have to engage with, structuring our brains to be similar (or counteractively the complete opposite). But no one else can see the many layers of programming we carry – and we’re often unaware of the ways the past is...
BONUS Video! Visualizing “relationship dynamics”
“Relationship” can seem like a nebulous cloud. So let’s keep breaking it down. How can we understand “relationship dynamics” – especially as they relate to learned behaviors that contradict our true intentions? Have some...
Workbook! Sensing “energies” in potential partners, and what it all means
Key points: (IMO) Assigning moralistic judgments (“good,” “bad,” “nice person”) to new relational partners is not helpful. These are reductionary, easy to misinterpret, and can set us on unhealthy courses of action. Leaning on basic...
10.50 Sensing “energies” in potential partners, and what it all means
If the IFS approach isn’t for you, this episode might be. Let’s talk about the validity of “energy” as the biological force driving everything and something we can sense in others. Then, what those “energies” we detect might mean about the potential for the...
10.49 Somatic understanding of “Parts” in others… before you commit to a shitlationship
We can’t predict what the future will hold or rigidly mentalize about other people’s brains, but we CAN be real with ourselves about what lives inside of us that might NOT be able to healthily proceed with another person. Let’s talk about actually honoring your...
3.7. Determining “Are they a good relational partner?” before committing
SO, if you’ve been listening along to all this relational talk for the past few months, you may have been thinking: “Sounds great, I’d love to have fulfilling, trustworthy relationships that appease some of that emotional and social loneliness we talked about back in...
BONUS Video! Interpersonal dynamics, explained by Behavioral Science
Each relationship is a learned “dynamic.” Each dynamic is a series of common interactions. Each interaction is a series of Behavioral Strings. So let’s talk about these shared Behavioral Strings – where each behavior acts as a...
10.48 Extra “survival Fs” to give in relationship; Fronting and Feigning
We all know about the 4 survival Fs at this point. But how about the additional F reactions- Fronting and Feigning? Let’s talk about learned reactions that keep us feeling safe in relationship… while rotting out the connection, engaging manipulation tactics, and using...
Workbook! Extra F’s to give in relationships
Notes: We react with “survival Fs” when we sense our safety is in question. I propose there are at least 2 additional Fs that show up regularly in relationships. Fronting is the strategy of making yourself bigger, stronger, smarter, and more threatening....
10.47 Enough Fluff – Relational “Real Talk” | Setting course for July
The past months of material may have been a shock to the system – where’s all this idealistic relational information coming from? Well, first, let me tell you the personal situation behind the sea change. This month we’ll cover: How do you know when you’re “picking up...
FULL Episode Guide
Episode Guide | FULL Version(Includes bonuses that are available to Advanced subscription tiers. Check your subscription for access.)Looking for something specific? Use “ctrl-f” to search the document for words that are on your brain. Search anything,...
10.46 Visiting family and life updates with Incanthatus | MFs Speak!
This time round, we’re hearing two stories from our buddy Inca! Let’s hear about their… Life Updates; progress in transgender treatment and support, creating an NPD-self-workbook, big anniversary news, and continued certifications for helping others! Adventures in...
10.45 Worthlessness wounds, Burden parts, and self-slaying Punishers with Leanne | MFs Speak!
It’s a double dose of recordings by Leanne and commentary by this MF! Today, we’ll talk about the core wound of “worthlessness” that often underlies a multitude of our repetitive trauma experiences. Then, we’ll hear about two newly discovered Parts of Leanne’s brain;...
10.44 A to your Q: Stunting F responses in relationships
Ya asked, I didn’t want to forget to answer. How do we “get over” fight/flight in conflict so we can master Intimacy from the Inside Out?
10.43 BONUS Disclosure followthrough: behind the scenes in traumarific times
I got terrible at something in the past year or so; relational self-disclosure and expression. For protective reasons. Here are a few of the reasons why, and where the tone of this show is headed for July… now that I’m breaking the seal before I psych myself...
10.42 Dominic’s filial obligation to misery-spreading father parts | MFs Speak!
Today we hear from a first-time recorder, Dominic, about his lifetime of paternal abuse and filial obligation. Asking the big questions: When is “enough enough” as we care for the people who never cared for us… or even themselves? We’ll hear the...
Community Discussion! What tools have helped you stay committed to hard conversations and relations?
This month we talked about the U-Turn to Re-turn and several other methods to help us communicate more honestly / less defensively… What have YOU been able to put into place to overcome the distance created by defensive parts?Or are you still looking for...
Why “healthy communication and expectation” doesn’t exist: Parts on Parts violence between partners PT 2 | Video+Workbook
Here’s a revised, more balanced WordPress SEO extract for the text:
This podcast episode explores the complexities of relationships and how our inner worlds affect our interactions with partners. It discusses how unresolved traumas and protective behaviors can influence relationship dynamics, often unconsciously. The episode examines different internal ‘parts’ – such as exiles, managers, and protectors – and how they manifest in partnerships. It touches on common communication challenges and the patterns that emerge when different internal parts interact. The discussion emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and healing in fostering healthier relationships. While not offering definitive solutions, this episode provides a framework for understanding some of the psychological underpinnings of relationship difficulties and the potential for growth through self-reflection.
Final VIT video release! Healing communication issues between parts in partners – pt 3
You got it, the tiny rundown on episode #3 of the month! Here’s the short and skinny on healing relationships using IFS x couples therapy x healthy communication… in doodles. And why it’s worth all the inevitable upset &...
VIT videos videos videos! A month in review pt I
We covered A LOT this month – so here’s the full rundown in doodles! Each short corresponds to an episode on the topic of Parts in Partners and building conscious relationships. Here’s part I – why we lose love and build resentment...
3.6b Overcoming spiraling conflicts in trauma-impacted relationships
You know the deal… This is the transcript of the bitesized”summary” episode by the same name!Listen to it free, wherever you stream. For the full research details, pulled from 3 honkin episodes… and so many bonuses… check...
Workbook-transcript! Healing hellish communication and re-instating authentic love | Parts on Parts violence between partners PT 3
Here’s ya major points, rough transcript, doodleys, and reflection Qs for the week’s episode! Download below. Hope it helps break down better communication tactics between parts in partners <3 Hail yer damn Self this weekend And cheers y’all VIT...
10.41 Healing hellish communication and re-installing authentic love | Parts on Parts violence between partners PT 3
With all these parts problems raging within relationships, how do we break the cycle? What are the self-regulation and communication tactics we need to learn to stop ourselves from fighting and fleeing away from fearful connections?
3.6 Lost love and authentic connection; the fragmented explanation
This is the transcript version of the podcast of the same name! Find it wherever you listen, just search “traumatized motherfuckers” or “complex trauma.” For the full details of the conversation (and the rest of this relational talk) hit...
Transcript-Workbook for Why “authentic love” doesn’t last: Parts on Parts violence between partners PT I
Doing a smarter thing starting this month! Here’s the transcript, main points summary, doods, and reflection Qs in one! Find it in less-pretty form on the private blog, or just get it right here! Download in attachments. Thanks y’all. Yer the best...
Lessons in relational danger: “When the perp is your savior” by Leanne
This is the transcript of the recent release of the same name! For more episodes like these, from MFs like you, join us in the private podcast stream/community here! And help support this DIY trauma support effort while you connect. Take care, get inner werkin, and...
Workbook! Disorganized attachment through IFS | YOUR Parts in Relationship Pt 2
Reminder! This is the blogged version of the workbook. It’s not fancy in this form. Want the nice formatting? Yeah you do. PT II Workbook VIT and YOUR PartsDownload TMFRsLet’s make sense of yer stupid fucking brainVIT in relationship and YOUR parts PT IIWhat’s...